Voyager Caption Contest 124: EMH - Extremely Magnificent Hologram!

[Captain Kathryn]

Woo hoo! The new caption contest is actually up on time for a change (even early!). WOOOOO!

Relish in your extremely punctual glory!

Paris: "Tell Neelix, the meat shortage is over.''

Neelix: I thought if I became Klingon my request to relocate to security wouldn't fall on deaf ears.
Janeway: I'm sorry. What?

Chaks: All I'm sayin' is a table's got one effing job to do. Be an effing table.

Neelix: We are here about the Secret Santa gift you gave out last night. Naomi isn't happy about it
Tuvok: Christmas is three months away
Neelix: This contest probably will still be running over the Holidays
Tuvok: Mmm..I can see the logic in that.

Janeway: The Sages didn't Will it tonight... and I have a headache.

Janeway: No, Chakotay. I plan on having a headache for the rest of my life.

Kathryn thinking: Oh no, with only the two of us here he is going to know that was me!
Chakotay: Kathryn!
Kathryn: Yes Chakotay?
Chakotay: Would you like a kite to go with that wind?

TUVOK: Relax, Mister Neelix. We found your testicles. Kes had them.

Chakotay: Let's get those shields down to 30% baby.
Kathryn: *Rethinking her plans to disrobe*
Sorry, level 10 authorization required.

---

Alrighty, the new theme is the loveable, charming, and sometimes irritable EMH...who is so awesome that he gets 2 extra captions!

 

[Nebusj]

Paris: "Tell Neelix, the meat shortage is over.''

Thank you!

From the thrilling two-parter, Year Of Hairspray.

``This can't be! How can my upgrade be David Byrne?!''

``Yup, you know, as a hologram I do miss having certain precious body parts, and that there is one of them. Don't you ever go a day without appreciating your descending ileum. Promise?''

``They're staring at my arm-mounted Zune, aren't they? Don't say anything, they're skittish, just blink twice if they are. They're envious, aren't they?''

``I said, I'm a cute fuzzy bunny rabbit, watch me hop!''

``I'm ... I'm hollow? The store said I was solid chocolate!''

``So I'm liking my new bachelor pad. You know, standard efficiency, not much privacy but easy to keep up, easy to decorate. I was thinking of getting a wide-screen TV, but then I remembered, I kinda am a wide-screen TV. Hey, did you see my soup bowl?''

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"EMH to bridge. Captain, I must protest, I thought that all medical staff would be armed!"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

JANEWAY: It worked, I changed the past. SEVEN! Is Seven okay?
DOCTOR: Yes, but everybody else on the ship except you and I are Borg drones.
JANEWAY: I finally restored the timeline!

ANDY DICK HOLOGRAM: People got tired of me? That's impossible! When did this happen? 22nd century? 23rd century?
DOCTOR: Actually it was long before you even died.
ANDY DICK HOLOGRAM: WHAT?!

DOCTOR: I'm the only Doctor on the ship. You want to stay healthy? I demand perks.

DOCTOR: It's not you, it's me.
WOMAN: I understand. Thank you for the wonderful relationship and I hope we can stay friends.
B'ELANA: Doctor, that's your breakup simulator? It's not realistic at all. Computer! Increase hurt feelings by 300%, increase temperature of the coffee in her hand by 20 degrees.

DOCTOR: Is this the problem? It is, isn't it? I'll have you know, I can have the size parameters increased in minutes!

JANEWAY (os): Sorry, Doctor. We had to cut back on your appendages to save enough power to maintain the coffee supply.

ANNIE: Abed. This has got to stop. Troy's not coming back. You've got to leave the Dreamatorium!
ABED: I'm not Abed. I'm a hologram. I have no feelings or emotions so I can't miss Troy. Please state the nature of the medical emergency. What are your orders, Captain?

 

[Catarina]

Thank you for the win and honorable mention. Oooohhh...good shots this round.

 

[Captain Kathryn]

"EMH to bridge. Captain, I must protest, I thought that all medical staff would be armed!"

SO MUCH PUN!

 

[Catarina]

Doc: You outta consider my hairdoo. It is low maintenance and surprisingly gets me a more women than Mr. Paris.

Doc under breath: I thought we were keeping up the pretense that you didn't like my house calls.

Janeway: Shhh this is the part where she's about to break the news it's holo Chakotay's baby!

I'm not a real boy...

Doc: I programed a toilet into this chair for my holographic stool. Mr. Paris said he dreamed of the day he didn't need to leave his TV to relieve himself. I couldn't imagine why anyone would want to mess where they eat-so to speak."

Janeway: What have you concluded?

Doc: That he was onto something...

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

EMH (thinking): It's GOOD to be the Doctor!


Two minutes later:

Janeway: You pinched my ass one too many times, Doctor. Insubordination will be punished. That's why I brought out...the COMFY CHAIR!!!!

Janeway's first meeting with the Tribble ambassador did not go as planned, as it found her head to be an excellent meal substitute.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Officer: "Computer, active EMH."

Doctor: Materalizes, "Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

Office: "24th century Ass-Rubbing Clone needed."

Doctor: "My penis is right down here."

Janeway: "Doctor, do you know why I've isolated you here?"

Doctor: "Yes, yes, because I said you look like an erect Orion penis with 'Mars Attack' upward collar. Well, you do."

 

[Nebusj]

ANNIE: Abed. This has got to stop. Troy's not coming back. You've got to leave the Dreamatorium!
ABED: I'm not Abed. I'm a hologram. I have no feelings or emotions so I can't miss Troy. Please state the nature of the medical emergency. What are your orders, Captain?

Well, you win the Caption This! contest of my heart. #SixSeasonsAndAMovie

 

[Smellincoffee]

Doctor: Sickbay to Bridge: Lieutenant Paris, I need a hand down here IMMEDIATELY.

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the Win!

Doc: But it can't be. You are truly in love with Paris, for some reason, and you think you are in love with me only because I resemble your father when I was younger with hair, who you wish you were closer with….

Real Torres: What?

 

[Nerys Myk]

EMH: These download speeds are horrible. I need to find a better provider

TORRES: Find out why her perm is better than mine!

 

[Hutchy01]

And no-one noticed that Andy Dick was the replacement Janeway that week

EMH II: I knew you programmed yourself one but that looks more like an albino python than what it should



Picardo: I knew taking Bill Vallely drinking was worth it!

Still worth it!

Well it sure as hell wasn't me.

EMH: I've only seen the phenomenon once before and that was after ensign Kim say that painting dream of mine. (You know the one with Seven)

EMH: Not the face

 

[Candlelight]

"Note to the galley, no more tequila to be served on duty"

"I don't care what your husband does Michelle, in here I'm the boss."

"No jokes about body parts"
"You've been disarmed."
"Dammit!"

"Mein kampfy chair."

 

[2takesfrakes]

The Epicene Medical Hologram found that deciding where to place his first tatoo was a hell of a challenge ...

 

[Captain Kathryn]

^^HAHA.

Whose arm is that?

 

[Hutchy01]

This is a series of screenshots from Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy (or it's alternate title 'that fanfic you wrote and forgot about until after the guy stole it')

 

[2takesfrakes]

Whose arm is that?

Oh ... just some random model off of The Internet:

http://cdn.sheknows.com/articles/2010/08/woman-with-fit-arms.jpg

http://www.sheknows.com/health-and-...-arms-Arm-exercises-and-fat-burning-diet-tips

 

[f14peter]

EMH: "COMPUTER! I was not speaking literally when I said, ''I'd give an arm and a leg if Seven would return my affection'.