I agree with the spirit of option 1, though not the wording.
To me, infidelity is indicative of a lack of respect. It almost invariably means that you're more interested in casting your SO in the role of villain or obstacle in your little psychodrama, rather than regarding them as your equal and partner. That's not the kind of relationship in which I would ever want to stay.
That's a really excellent point. A good friend of mine cheated on his wife with a coworker (who was also married). He actualy packed up his truck and went to move out one day, drove around for a few hours and went home. He then had a discussion with his wife which he described to me as ending when "she finally understood what she had done wrong". I said, "Whoa! You slept with someone else and
she understands what
she did wrong?" I was then subjected to a long explanation about how it was all her fault that he had cheated because she had been cold and mean to him. So naturally the best response on his part was to have sex with another woman.
Now I've known this guy since we were both 15 years old. In many ways he was a caring, thoughtful person. But before he and his wife married, he had an affair with someone else during their engagement and actually broke the engagement which he said broke his fiance's heart, which broke his heart so he dumped the other woman and married his wife. He then carried on a cyber affair with another woman in the early years of his marriage. He finally arranged a real life meet with this woman in order to tell her that he was married - something she hadn't known the whole time. She was understandably very upset when she found out this "great guy" she had met online was married.
I finally realized in thinking about all this that he was indeed involved in his own little psychodrama in which women were just objects from which to get an emotional high (and with this guy it really was more emotional than sexual). He enjoyed casting his wife, just as you say, as an obstacle or villain.
I no longer speak to this person, and I struggle with the fact that his wife still doesn't know what happened. Every once in a while I consider just sending her an anonymous note telling her the truth. I hate thinking that there she is living a lie and not knowing it - because after the engagement thing she made it clear to him that she would leave him in an instant if he were ever unfaithful. That to me is far more unjust than the brief affair. He justified not telling her by saying it would only hurt her. I told him what would hurt her was what he did, not his telling her what he did and if he didn't want to hurt her then he shouldn't have dropped his pants.
It was the end of a 25 year friendship between us, but I lost all respect for him and certainly could never be around his family again (he has two young children), knowing the truth.
Man is the only primate that practices monagamy. It's not natural to our species, that's why people "cheat". It's hard to overcome instinct by social design, though not impossible. But we shouldn't try to put on airs - we are just animals in the long run.
Then act like an animal and screw around all you want - just don't lie to some woman and tell her she's the only one while you're doing it. It's pretty simple. If you want to commit, don't screw around. If you want to screw around, don't commit.
