You certainly seem to have been surrounded and influenced by a negative experience of Church which is, sadly, many peoples experience. It's not the whole story though. For instance, I'm the national chaplain to a group called Faith & Light which is a parish based community which supports people with learning disabilities and their families. It is a truly joyous group, filled with laughter, enthusiasm and camaraderie, all the more amazing when we consider the daily challenges these people face. Bring a part of this group allows me to cope with all the other negative stuff that can be a part of my work: the ignorance, the pettiness and the day to day problems that land at my door. This past week I've had to deal with 2 suicides as well as the passing of 2 elderly people and all that this stirs up in their families and the community. Don't get me wrong; there are so many wonderfully, truly Christian people out there (I use the term 'Christian' loosely to describe peolpe I know, some of whom aren't in the slightest bit religious, but who embody all the Christian virtues), whose hearts are filled with love and a desire to live life well at peace with all people. It's just the jerks who get all the press!