Well if this isn't the biggest kick in the ass...

[erastus25]

This is one of those life lessons you learn about people. Some will keep someone on the side in case the primary boyfriend is out of the picture. Been there. Move on and smile because you didn't get tangled up with her.

Gertch, we've had our problems in the past, and probably will again in the future, but that's some solid advice.

Trek is thicker than water.

I love this place sometimes.

Excuse me but how the fuck are you not supossed to take that personal?

I think the point is that the situation, was at best, a misunderstanding and at worst she's a dumb bitch. If the former is true, then he should just move on realizing that people miscommunicate at times and that it doesn't reflect anything about him, even though feelings were hurt. If the latter is true, it still doesn't mean anything is wrong with him - it just means he got a little too interested in the wrong girl. Either way, feelings are hurt, yes, but that doesn't mean it was a personal attack.

 

[Misfit Toy]

Boy, do I feel like an idiot. I've been talking to this girl in one of my college classes and we were really hitting it off. So one day I asked her out, she said she was single and would like to go out, and we exchanged numbers. I called the other day and she didn't call back.

So, I saw one of her friends and the conversation went something like this:

Me: "Hey, do you know what's up with [the girl]?"
Her: "What do you mean?"
Me: "She never called me back after I called."
Her: "Oh, she will. It's not like it's serious, though, right? I wouldn't worry about it."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Her: "Well her boyfriend will be back from college soon."
Me: "...what?!"
Her: "You didn't know?"
Me: "No."
Her: "Yeah, it's complicated and all. She's not really sure who she wants but she'll almost certianly get with this guy when he comes back."
Me: "Well, I appreciate being told."

It was at this point, after she left, that I internally screamed, "WHAT?!" Seriously, what type of person does that? I was clearly very interested in her so she knew it wasn't just a piss off thing.

Honestly, why would someone do something like this? Why?

I'm probably in the minority on this, but keep in mind that at this point you don't know if the roomie is telling the truth or not. Ask your friend - be prepared for an answer you don't want to hear, but ask HER, not the roommate.

 

[sidious618]

Sadly, someone else confirmed it as well.

 

[Alpha Romeo]

Sadly, someone else confirmed it as well.

Yet you didn't man up and confront the girl yourself?

Come on guy...

 

[Emher]

I think the anger of my last post stems from the simple fact that in my last relationship I found out only afterwards that I was the "sure thing" and she went a guy she got to know after we got together, and cheated on me with him during most of our relationship. As said, only found out that afterwards. Hence my clear aversion to this idea of hedging your bets. Also I'm the kinda guy that when I'm in a relationship, I'm all in. There's only one woman for me then.

 

[TremblingBluStar]

Excuse me but how the fuck are you not supossed to take that personal?

By realizing that she could and would have done the same thing to any other guy if given the chance. Taking it personal means feeling there is something wrong with you because such an awful thing happened. It's okay to be pissed - just as long as it doesn't reflect on you as a person.

I had something similar happen when I met a girl off an Internet dating site a few months back. We kissed on our first date, and she asked me out again, so I figured it was a shoe-in for something more serious. Before the second date, she canceled and told me she was interested in someone else.

Life moves on.

 

[Ethros]

Bloody women. In the words of Paul Calf- "Women, right? Women. You can't live with 'em....... can you? You can't live with 'em"

The thread title reminds me of the scene in National Lampoons Christmas Vacation when Clark breaks down
"If this isn't the biggest bag over the head punch in the face I ever got GOD DAMNN IT!!!"

 

[sidious618]

Yet you didn't man up and confront the girl yourself?

Come on guy...

Yeah, because getting angry and blowing my fuse is a great idea. That'll solve everything. I'm putting it behind me and unless she approaches me I'm leaving her in the dust as well. I ain't wasting my time on arguing with someone who clearly does not see what she did as wrong.

But if you want to view "manning up" as barking at people then go right ahead.

The thread title reminds me of the scene in National Lampoons Christmas Vacation when Clark breaks down
"If this isn't the biggest bag over the head punch in the face I ever got GOD DAMNN IT!!!"

Oh my God, you're right! That's a classic moment.

 

[Amaris]

If it makes you feel any better, Sidious, I dated a girl years ago who was angry because I broke up with her. Why? She had two boyfriends aside from me. Her logic was "You're sweet and smart. They have money!", I kid you not. It was a good decision. I sure wish she wouldn't have slapped me though. It didn't hurt emotionally, it hurt because she had one of the guys rings on her finger and he was a football player.

J.

 

[sidious618]

Ouch, J, ouch.

 

[Amaris]

Ouch, J, ouch.

Well, I was glad to get out of there. You see, I was saving myself for the right person, and it turns out she had no such plans.

On top of that (as it were), her father hated me because he thought I wanted down her pants. I did, but I have self control. He really liked the football players, though. Trusted them. "These are real men" he'd say, and the whole time they had been doing his daughter while I was the only one who was true to his intentions.

J.

 

[hellsgate]

sidious: Assume every girl you're with, is a "Playa" unless its been genuinely proven otherwise. Saves you a lot of grief in the long run. Take it from a guy who's been the-guy-on-the-side / social-safety-net / afterthought. Been there, done that.

• Tape record EVERY SINGLE LAST PHONE CALL. Make sure the girl knows as you begin taping that she's being recorded for legal reasons. Make sure she states the date of the conversation(s) so you can openly "bust" the slut in the event she attempts to recant her story to her parents/cops/significant other(s). Helps you nail down a firm timeline and satisfy your legal/moral 'burden of proof'.
• Print every single last instant messenger conversation / e-mail with a girl you like & save them someplace easily accessible in case the Primary Guy ever finds out about her turning to you for comfort.
• Be prepared for DNA tests, and to file a permanant/temporary restraining order against her, her parents, the other significant other(s) and the others' parents/friends/acquaintances.
• RED FLAGS:
• If a girl says she's "a virgin waiting for marriage," yet almost all of both of your friends are spoken-for, have a kid on the way and/or already moved in together.
• If her Mom / Dad / Foster Parent is her only visible friend.
• If she gets upset if you're still hanging around your friends in your own home or in public.
• If she demands a monogamous adult commitment but dithers & waffles about when or where it'll ever happen.
• Offers you nothing but "I dunno" in response to "where do you see yourself in five years?"
• Demands that you be established in life but you notice that she can't hold a job herself.

 

[Alpha Romeo]

sidious: Assume every girl you're with, is a "Playa" unless its been genuinely proven otherwise. Saves you a lot of grief in the long run. Take it from a guy who's been the-guy-on-the-side / social-safety-net / afterthought. Been there, done that.

• Tape record EVERY SINGLE LAST PHONE CALL. Make sure the girl knows as you begin taping that she's being recorded for legal reasons. Make sure she states the date of the conversation(s) so you can openly "bust" the slut in the event she attempts to recant her story to her parents/cops/significant other(s). Helps you nail down a firm timeline and satisfy your legal/moral 'burden of proof'.
• Print every single last instant messenger conversation / e-mail with a girl you like & save them someplace easily accessible in case the Primary Guy ever finds out about her turning to you for comfort.
• Be prepared for DNA tests, and to file a permanant/temporary restraining order against her, her parents, the other significant other(s) and the others' parents/friends/acquaintances.
• RED FLAGS:
• If a girl says she's "a virgin waiting for marriage," yet almost all of both of your friends are spoken-for, have a kid on the way and/or already moved in together.
• If her Mom / Dad / Foster Parent is her only visible friend.
• If she gets upset if you're still hanging around your friends in your own home or in public.
• If she demands a monogamous adult commitment but dithers & waffles about when or where it'll ever happen.
• Offers you nothing but "I dunno" in response to "where do you see yourself in five years?"
• Demands that you be established in life but you notice that she can't hold a job herself.

Are you kidding me??? This is a little much, I hope you're kidding!

 

[JonathonWally]

sidious: Assume every girl you're with, is a "Playa" unless its been genuinely proven otherwise. Saves you a lot of grief in the long run. Take it from a guy who's been the-guy-on-the-side / social-safety-net / afterthought. Been there, done that.

• Tape record EVERY SINGLE LAST PHONE CALL. Make sure the girl knows as you begin taping that she's being recorded for legal reasons. Make sure she states the date of the conversation(s) so you can openly "bust" the slut in the event she attempts to recant her story to her parents/cops/significant other(s). Helps you nail down a firm timeline and satisfy your legal/moral 'burden of proof'.
• Print every single last instant messenger conversation / e-mail with a girl you like & save them someplace easily accessible in case the Primary Guy ever finds out about her turning to you for comfort.
• Be prepared for DNA tests, and to file a permanant/temporary restraining order against her, her parents, the other significant other(s) and the others' parents/friends/acquaintances.
• RED FLAGS:
• If a girl says she's "a virgin waiting for marriage," yet almost all of both of your friends are spoken-for, have a kid on the way and/or already moved in together.
• If her Mom / Dad / Foster Parent is her only visible friend.
• If she gets upset if you're still hanging around your friends in your own home or in public.
• If she demands a monogamous adult commitment but dithers & waffles about when or where it'll ever happen.
• Offers you nothing but "I dunno" in response to "where do you see yourself in five years?"
• Demands that you be established in life but you notice that she can't hold a job herself.

If this isn't a joke it's some of the creepiest, weirdest shit I've ever seen.

 

[erastus25]

sidious: Assume every girl you're with, is a "Playa" unless its been genuinely proven otherwise. Saves you a lot of grief in the long run. Take it from a guy who's been the-guy-on-the-side / social-safety-net / afterthought. Been there, done that.

• Tape record EVERY SINGLE LAST PHONE CALL. Make sure the girl knows as you begin taping that she's being recorded for legal reasons. Make sure she states the date of the conversation(s) so you can openly "bust" the slut in the event she attempts to recant her story to her parents/cops/significant other(s). Helps you nail down a firm timeline and satisfy your legal/moral 'burden of proof'.
• Print every single last instant messenger conversation / e-mail with a girl you like & save them someplace easily accessible in case the Primary Guy ever finds out about her turning to you for comfort.
• Be prepared for DNA tests, and to file a permanant/temporary restraining order against her, her parents, the other significant other(s) and the others' parents/friends/acquaintances.
• RED FLAGS:
• If a girl says she's "a virgin waiting for marriage," yet almost all of both of your friends are spoken-for, have a kid on the way and/or already moved in together.
• If her Mom / Dad / Foster Parent is her only visible friend.
• If she gets upset if you're still hanging around your friends in your own home or in public.
• If she demands a monogamous adult commitment but dithers & waffles about when or where it'll ever happen.
• Offers you nothing but "I dunno" in response to "where do you see yourself in five years?"
• Demands that you be established in life but you notice that she can't hold a job herself.

If this isn't a joke it's some of the creepiest, weirdest shit I've ever seen.

The fact that we can't tell it's a joke already makes it creepy!

 

[SicOne]

Excuse me but how the fuck are you not supossed to take that personal?

Excuse me but how the fuck are you not supossed to take that personal?

It's tough but I see what he means. I think it's a shitty thing to do but it also means that I wasn't discarded as a loser and that she did/does like me so that's nice. I guess.

I think the anger of my last post stems from the simple fact that in my last relationship I found out only afterwards that I was the "sure thing" and she went a guy she got to know after we got together, and cheated on me with him during most of our relationship. As said, only found out that afterwards. Hence my clear aversion to this idea of hedging your bets. Also I'm the kinda guy that when I'm in a relationship, I'm all in. There's only one woman for me then.

That's a good thing that when you're involved with someone that you don't screw around with anyone else. Unfortunately, it's not that way with everyone. When I said don't take it personally, I mean that it's not meant to reflect poorly upon you, but upon her instead. She knew she could rely upon you as the "sure thing", knowing that if things didn't work out with the other guy, that she could come to you (well, presuming that she could keep that secret from you, which is kind of indicative of her character in and of itself...).

Kind of goes back to my dating advice in a different thread. Spread yourself around, don't make yourself so immediately accessible to someone, tell her "No" every once in a while. You can be that way without being dick. Read it, my young padawan.

And bear this in mind. Though I was happenin' as younger guy, two decades past, I still had my heart broken a few times, been taken advantage of, made to feel used and foolish and naive and hopeless...but all that I experienced made me ready and prepared for Mrs. SicOne, the richness of the life with her unparalled to anything that came before it. So it sucks for now, but in the fullness of time you'll find someone, and it will have made it all worthwhile and have given you things you can use. Chin up.

 

[hellsgate]

Its not a joke, guys. I've had to deal with my share of indecisive, angry twits in the "Failure To Launch" catagory that despite still living at home with their gutless parent(s) went off and had kids with other guys, despite not having full-time jobs (or a place of their own) to start with.

Then they'd get upset at me for getting all kinds of "red flags" from them such as waffling about time together, sex, kids, moving in together. Anything important at all.

Plus they'd never financially help-out with rent, food or utilities yet feeling well within their rights to get upset and act as though they owned my place, if I continued to live my own life while remaining in contact with friends/family and the occasional ex that granted me increasingly few-and-far-between mercy-fucks in my own apartment as my ex's had lives of their own with their own baby-daddies.

 

[Colonel Green]

Yet you didn't man up and confront the girl yourself?

Come on guy...

Yeah, because getting angry and blowing my fuse is a great idea. That'll solve everything. I'm putting it behind me and unless she approaches me I'm leaving her in the dust as well. I ain't wasting my time on arguing with someone who clearly does not see what she did as wrong.

But if you want to view "manning up" as barking at people then go right ahead.

Good call, take the high road and avoid making an ass of yourself. She may have hot friends and you don't want to get a bad reputation.

 

[JonathonWally]

Its not a joke, guys. I've had to deal with my share of indecisive, angry twits in the "Failure To Launch" catagory that despite still living at home with their gutless parent(s) went off and had kids with other guys, despite not having full-time jobs (or a place of their own) to start with.

Then they'd get upset at me for getting all kinds of "red flags" from them such as waffling about time together, sex, kids, moving in together. Anything important at all.

Plus they'd never financially help-out with rent, food or utilities yet feeling well within their rights to get upset and act as though they owned my place, if I continued to live my own life while remaining in contact with friends/family and the occasional ex that granted me increasingly few-and-far-between mercy-fucks in my own apartment as my ex's had lives of their own with their own baby-daddies.

It's your own fault for picking those "winners" there pal. No one to blame but yourself.

 

[SGx]

Maybe the girl felt really awkward and didn't want to let you down to your face, since you get on so well? Wimpy decision, but that could be why she did something so stupid.

I wouldn't take it personal, either way. Girls as a species are pretty irrational, and chances are she's in this crappy relationship, and liked feeling wanted by somebody else. Swim on.