Was Worf a Good Father?

[Sareesataka]

Worf's intentions were good, but he had shortcomings. However, I don't feel it is fair to judge Worf on his fitness to be a parent because we are using human values as the standard by which we measure parenting. By Klingon standards, maybe Worf didn't do too badly, but he had a kid who didn't embrace Klingon values. Maybe Worf's failings may be that he didn't let Alexander explore his human heritage enough instead of pushing the way of the warrior.

 

[Grendelsbayne]

Worf's intentions were good, but he had shortcomings. However, I don't feel it is fair to judge Worf on his fitness to be a parent because we are using human values as the standard by which we measure parenting. By Klingon standards, maybe Worf didn't do too badly, but he had a kid who didn't embrace Klingon values. Maybe Worf's failings may be that he didn't let Alexander explore his human heritage enough instead of pushing the way of the warrior.

I honestly don't think that objection holds much water in this case. If we were talking about actually aliens, then yeah, but Klingons and especially Worf, as presented, aren't very alien at all. In fact there are foreign coutries in the world today that feel more alien than Worf. And especially in light of Kehleyr's choices and wishes and Alexander's obvious disinterest in stereotypical Klingon honor (which isn't actually a Klingon bugaboo, it's a Worf bugaboo - most Klingons are far less obsessed with it), I don't think you can really defend him as being a proper parent 'by Klingon standards' at all.

Arguably, by actual Klingon standards, he may be a worse parent than by Human standards. Martok seriously disapproved of the rift between Worf and Alexander. And unlike personal honor, family relationships are a thing that most Klingons really do take seriously, so what would most Klingons think about Worf's own son refusing to use his name? Even if they blame Alexander for not being much of a warrior, isn't that still kind of Worf's fault as the parent?

 

[Sareesataka]

I disagree. Klingons are aliens. They have an alien way of thinking, and an alien culture. As such, you can't judge their methods of parenting based on your human-centric ideas of what constitutes good parenting. You may find some earth cultures more alien than the Klingon way of life, but that does not negate the fact that Klingons are indeed aliens.

Granted, Martok made a comment to Worf about fathers and sons not speaking as not being a good thing, However, it is also said, that a Klingon is about his work, not his family (In the episode, A Matter of Honor). That is not an ideology embraced by too many of us but it's something that is practiced in Klingon parenting.

As a kid, Alexander rejected the warrior way of life. Worf had a difficult time dealing with this decision but eventually accepted it and even embraced it. Then Alexander, as a person of age, does a 180 and made the decision to become a warrior, the very thing Alexander disdained. I don't feel it is Worf's fault that Alexander isn't much of a warrior as they both agreed that the warrior way of life is not for Alexander.

In summary, I never said Worf was a good father. I never said he was a bad father. I merely acknowledged he has
shortcomings and failings as do we all. I merely pointed out that we can't judge him on his failures as a parent if we have preconceived notions on what constitutes good parenting. A Klingon might look at us and think, "What ignorant parents not letting their children run out into the middle of the night to hunt". Different perspectives.

 

[Grendelsbayne]

I disagree. Klingons are aliens. They have an alien way of thinking, and an alien culture. As such, you can't judge their methods of parenting based on your human-centric ideas of what constitutes good parenting. You may find some earth cultures more alien than the Klingon way of life, but that does not negate the fact that Klingons are indeed aliens.

But you can't just say 'the show says he is an alien therefore his state of mind is beyond any understanding'. We see his behavior all the time, and that of many other Klingons, and while there are some observable differences, their culture really isn't that alien at all. It's quite easily understandable, at least to the extent that we have been allowed to see it.

Granted, Martok made a comment to Worf about fathers and sons not speaking as not being a good thing, However, it is also said, that a Klingon is about his work, not his family (In the episode, A Matter of Honor). That is not an ideology embraced by too many of us but it's something that is practiced in Klingon parenting.

It was said by a man whose father was dishonored. Every other episode that touches on Klingon family seems to agree that family reputation is everything - one person's failures can ruin their entire family (just like with Mogh, then Worf, then Duras). It sounds to me like Klag was desperately hanging on to whatever he had left and trying to downplay his father's dishonor.

As a kid, Alexander rejected the warrior way of life. Worf had a difficult time dealing with this decision but eventually accepted it and even embraced it. Then Alexander, as a person of age, does a 180 and made the decision to become a warrior, the very thing Alexander disdained. I don't feel it is Worf's fault that Alexander isn't much of a warrior as they both agreed that the warrior way of life is not for Alexander.

Don't look now, but you are literally judging the relationship by human standards here. Klingon society very clearly holds family responsible for actions that they literally didn't even know had happened, so why wouldn't they hold Worf responsible for Alexander's life decisions?

In summary, I never said Worf was a good father. I never said he was a bad father. I merely acknowledged he has
shortcomings and failings as do we all. I merely pointed out that we can't judge him on his failures as a parent if we have preconceived notions on what constitutes good parenting. A Klingon might look at us and think, "What ignorant parents not letting their children run out into the middle of the night to hunt". Different perspectives.

No one disputes that Klingon standards are different than human. That doesn't mean human standards are automatically irrelevant (especially since Alexander is 1/4 human and his part human mother chose to raise him more by human standards than Klingon ones - something which Worf shouldn't just toss aside lightly), nor does it mean we are automatically incapable of judging Worf by Klingon standards.

 

[Doc Mugatu]

I honestly don't think that objection holds much water in this case. If we were talking about actually aliens, then yeah, but Klingons and especially Worf, as presented, aren't very alien at all. In fact there are foreign coutries in the world today that feel more alien than Worf. … Arguably, by actual Klingon standards, he may be a worse parent than by Human standards. Martok seriously disapproved of the rift between Worf and Alexander. And unlike personal honor, family relationships are a thing that most Klingons really do take seriously, so what would most Klingons think about Worf's own son refusing to use his name? Even if they blame Alexander for not being much of a warrior, isn't that still kind of Worf's fault as the parent?

Brilliantly said. I agree 100%.

 

[Jonesy]

No, he wasn't. I don't think Worf was ready to be a dad, and I think he was too career-minded and too rigid in his Klingon ways to properly raise Alexander in the environment that he was in. I think he realized this when he passed him onto his parents for them to raise him.

But, with that said, I think Worf genuinely tried with Alexander.

 

[Paradise City]

Worf was disorientated because of his non-Klingon upbringing. He embraced his Klingon traditionalism from reading books as opposed to being brought up in that environment.

So the guy has the theories of being a Klingon traditionalist nailed down but the actual reality of dealing with other Klingons - even including his own son, he's quite insecure about - as if he fears he isn't quite up to the mark himself. During the Klingon civil war he's fixing the ship as opposed to celebrating with his brother and his other Klingon fellows. He's a little of out his element there. He urges Gowron not to fight his leadership challenge when its clearly the Klingon way. Worf doesn't laugh. Other Klingons laugh alot.

And we also get a signal of this when Worf reflects in his log that he's preferred to do battle than face his own son over his son's delinquency. So he's a bit at sea with his parenting ability. It's awkward for him as he has only humans for his parenting reference points.

Worf is really just in his element as the only Klingon among aliens - that's when the guy is at his peak. Bring other Klingons into the equation...he's far less sure of himself. Unfortunately his son pays for that.

 

[Kevin G. Chapman]

A corollary question is whether the TNG writers put in too much, too little, or just the right amount of episodes displaying this subplot. One of the problems with showing the interactions between Worf and Alexander is that it's not part of every episode. The producers probably didn't want to deal with the child actor being in too many episodes and also didn't want to make that the focus of the big story arc. So, we see them only sporadically. This requires a plot where Alexander is not a resident of the Enterprise, so there has to be a plausible scenario where he lives somewhere else and then shows up from time to time. The lack of continuity in the relationship is partly what causes such awkwardness between them. Would we have preferred having Alexander on the ship all the time like Wesley? That would have changed the dynamic, but then he would have been either in more episodes or we would have wondered why we were not seeing him more.

What do we think? Want more Alexander episodes?

 

[DonIago]

I think a better version of this is that we weren't going to see Alexander in an episode unless there was going to be drama between him and Worf, which may have biased us toward thinking Worf was a worse father than he actually was overall, though I would also say the times when we see him, he's pretty bad at it.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

I wonder why the DS9 writers ignored Alexander's existence for two and a half years when they brought Worf on. If you only look at his TNG tenure, he's overly strict and inflexible and judgmental but was trying his best. But then when you factor in just abandoning him back to his human parents, he comes off as horrible.

Did the DS9 writers make Worf horrible just to avoid the production cost of a recurring child actor? They could have at least had a throwaway line like "I sent my son Alexander back home because DS9 is potentially about to become a war zone."

 

[STEPhon IT]

Some of the best stories on TNG with Worf, a character I didn't like very much, involved Alexander and inserted some dimension in his bland, one mode character. The Taming of the Space Wolf-Man was all a turning point to give viewers the "Beauty and the Beast in Space" cliche', but Worf needed to be groomed as a man and not some pet which Riker could talk down to all of the time. I like during this run of the series Worf had to face the most honorable test in his life, to become a figure where a child could look up to and finally give Troi something of substance--becoming a surrogate mother ala Jadzia and Jake Sisko were on DS9 seasons 1-4. I thought by the end of TNG, Worf became some one I could actually tolerate; he accomplished being a respected Father and I hoped Alexander would be this respectable man.

Then DS9 dumped all of the compelling traits of the character down the toilet and flushed it, and I saw the Space Wolf remain stagnant with no true identity on the station and worse off made him a terrible father.

 

[TribbleFeeder]

I felt like the only time we see Worf have some true depth was when he was interacting with other Klingons (minus his son).

His scenes with Martok, Duras, Kurn, K’Ehleyr, etc. were really the only times we got to see him develop. I don’t know why TPTB didn’t allow him to emote with Alexander the way he did with the other Klingons.

It’s almost like there were two Worfs. There was the Worf when he was among Klingons that showed emotion and had depth, then there was Worf around the crew (and Alexander) that was totally one dimensional and basically played the token stubborn Klingon character.

 

[Mojochi]

My favorite version of Worf was the short lived contrarian Worf of TNG's The Enemy. The "I am not like you, & that's just how it is" Worf. I think for him to have been as alien as they implied, they needed more of that, where his crewmates & him just don't see eye to eye, & he don't apologize for it. They really took the teeth out of that character over the years

 

[TribbleFeeder]

^ I agree.

Sometimes I wish they didn’t have him be raised by humans. They neutered him a little.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

^ I agree.

Sometimes I wish they didn’t have him be raised by humans. They neutered him a little.

If he weren’t raised by humans they would have had to make him more take to justify him choosing Starfleet.

The only Worf I don’t like is the childish Worf we got occasionally in DS9. Sword of Kathleen, Hippocratic Oath, Let He Who Is Without Sin. DS9 gave him the ‘quirky sitcom character’ treatment and made him seem like a temperamental teenager... until the last few minutes when he realizes he’s wrong.

 

[TribbleFeeder]

If he weren’t raised by humans they would have had to make him more take to justify him choosing Starfleet.

We might have gotten a little more depth in his character if they went that route.

 

[Night Shade]

I think that Worf was the best father that he was capable of being. Yes, he did send Alexander to live with his human family on earth, but he was doing what he thought was best for the boy. And when Alexander returned, Worf did his best to bond with him, as when he indulged Alexander in the wild west holodeck adventure in "A Fistful of Datas".

Still, Worf was far from perfect. being raised by humans, he didn't have an example of Klingon parenting to draw upon, so I think he went a little overboard trying to be a "proper" Klingon father. While training Alexander in Klingon values and honor, he tended to neglect the human values of kindness and compassion. But all in all, I think he did the best he could, considering that he was thrown into fatherhood with no warning whatsoever.

When you think about it, "good father" is a relative term. While humans may consider Worf strict, or even on the edge of abusive, Klingon parents may consider him too soft. After all, he could have been training Alexander in warfare when he was going off on Holodeck adventures. In the end, it's a matter of cultural differences.

 

[Riker'sMailbox]

No. He was a bad parent.

 

[Jedi_Master]

Worf: Terrible dad

 

[TribbleFeeder]

Worf: Terrible dad

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