Star Trek: Empire
Written By: TheSeeker
The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see a Klingon surveying his prune juice factory. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are playing poker. During this scene, Picard complains about giving up Earl Grey tea.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must investigate the illegal prune juice trade on a remote federation outpost. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data becomes obsessed with the Three Stooges.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving a Klingon being chased around his prune juice factory! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that prune juice is being used as a narcotic by a previously unknown alien race called the Ph'Art, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Odo, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Ok'Tane, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Ok'Tane is not REALLY that bad, because this villian had a dream of starting his own brand of prune juice but fell on hard times when no one would buy it. He was then forced to seek other buyers in less reputable markets.
The crew then learns that Pr'Une is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Come Fly With Me.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf looses a bet with Riker. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, researches the effects of prune juice on the Ph'Art.
A little later, Worf is teased about his love of prune juice. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the orchard. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, The Titan races to make it in time to help the Enterprise. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'This tastes like shit!' The audience pretends this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Ok'Tane has a prune essence extractor! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'This is where we make our stand!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Ok'Tane, the Enterprise displays its new multi-vector assault mode capability. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Ok'Tane.
Soon, Riker shoots at Ok'Tane. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called the Hawking Web. Almost defeated, Ok'Tane, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his prune essence extractor! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Ok'Tane by force feeding him with prune juice until his belly explodes. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Worf saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with giving up Earl Grey tea. Picard then gives a speech about the evils of drugs.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
