Voyager Caption This: Brainstorming Session

[Shatmandu]

Director: "Cut. That's it for today. Anyone want to learn post-production so they can direct an episode?"
Garret Wang: "Yes!"
Director: "Okay, you'll have to stay after work and put in effort."
Wang stands, goes to dressing room, changes, gets in car, leaves.

 

[Rat Boy]

Janeway: "I know one of you pissed in my coffee this morning and no one leaves here until I find out who it is?"

Chakotay: "But Captain, the Borg are attacking!"

Janeway: "Silence!"

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

(Insert picture here)

Janeway: I know you're all disappointed. I know I'd be. But we have a responsibility as a crew. And a family. And a family crew. We must stick together and blah blah-

Paris: Did she go to the Sheridan Public Speaking school or something?

Janeway: -when I was a young farmboy, my uncle told me "FIGHT! For Voyager! Promise me one thing" And I said "What's that?" and he said "Get this crew home." From that day forward I knew what I had to do-

(Neelix falls asleep)

Janeway: -oh what foolish adventures I would have in Narnia-

Chakotay: (thinking) This was supposed to be a meeting about getting new carpet on Deck 13.

 

[SciFi75]

Janeway: Okay, now for the vote. The topic was should we talk about the new singularity quantum drive that is sure to get us home or should we replace the grooved tables throughout the ship. The vote was 9-1 in favor of the grooved tables. Sorry, Harry, your parents are just going to have to wait for you a little longer.

 

[jgdst]

Janeway: ...And if you sell to three people, and they each sell to three people, we can maximalise the potential efficency of the communication envelope, which will allow us to action the consolidation of our forward ability to touch base. Any questions?

 

[Triskelion]

Janeway: Now Mr Jiminy has asked us on behalf of his planetary alliance that we do everything in our power to diffuse the tachyogravitic vanilla wafer that's headed right for their lunar capital. He informs me ten kenjiggers of people may lose cellular cohesion in their sphincters. This would result in the worst catastrophe since the Chips A'hoy nebula -
Seven: Captain. You have not addressed the other issue.
Tom: Yeah, Captain. I'm getting tired of leaning on this little thing, it feels like it's -
Neelix: - About to fold like a Vulcan Kissing Booth at a Risan Sorority party?
Kim: Gray makes me sad.
Torres: When the Doctor and I tried having sex on it last night it held up just fine.
Chakotay: Tried?
Torres: Let's just say I've had better games of hide-the-microinfuser at band camp.
Doctor: It was the subroutine! It was the subroutine!
Tuvok: A rather small excuse, Doctor.
Kim: *snicker* Small.
Mr Jiminy: Captain, I must urge you, time is most pressing -
Janeway: Ok everybody, two weeks' leave to the first pair who can give me an excuse to replicate a new table.
Neelix phases table.
Janeway: Nice bermudas, Chakotay.

 

[NovusInceptum]

Janeway: ...and our next topic is...
Chakotay: *just entering* What'd I miss guys?
Paris: Nothing much. Janeway's just blathering on about some unimportant bullshit about the "energy supplies dwindling" and "conserving fuel and energy" or something.
Chakotay: Uh huh. *raises voice* Poker, anyone?
Everyone except Janeway leaves.
Janeway: *notices everyone left* Next up: promotions. Oh, whoops, looks like no one's here. Sorry.

 

[Bad Atom]

"Any ORIGINAL episode ideas?"

(crickets)