Contest: ENTER Voyager caption contest #195 Exterior shot

[Catarina]

This one is probably a tad more challenging with no character faces. But we'll see.

I like your style (saw your TNG stuff too) @1ittle

[“I just can’t fight this feeling anymore...” playing softly in the background.]

B’Elanna: Do I have raktajino breath?
Janeway: Yep how about me?
B’Elanna: NAH! Smells great! Now promote me without merit in episode one!
Janeway: You bet! This won’t bother any of my loyal SF officers that just met you yesterday!
Harry from a distance: YOUR BREATH SMELLS LIKE WINTERGREEN PEPPERMENTS BOSS
Janeway: Quiet Harry!

@tharpdevenport double win

Chacotay (inner monologue): "Hummm ... this look like old lady finger prints..."

Harry: "These pool balls feel kind of hairy..."

Poll Table: "Oh yeeeaaahhh...."

Janeway: "Ah, Harry, I see you've met the representative from the Pooltableians."

and @2takesfrakes

HARRY: "Alright, so for this Holo-novel, you're the Lone Ranger, and I'm Tonto and my nickname for you is 'Kemosabe ...'

TOM: "Oh! ... Wait! Wasn't Kemosabe a song by Everything Everything? They're a band from the early 21st Century. Let me think how it goes:
'Hey, Kemosabe I'm alone
Ayah, I am a, I am alone
(Hey) Hey …'"

HARRY: "Tom! What are you babbling about? 'Kemosabe' is just what Tonto calls the Lone Ranger, he doesn't sing it as his theme song, or anything."

TOM: "OK, so ... Why not just call him by his name, or The Lone Ranger? What does 'Kemosabe' even mean, then?"

HARRY: "'Big Snake That Makes Women Faint ...' or something like that, maybe. How the hell should I know?"

Fun results as usual: @CutieMcwhiskers

Meanwhile, Janeway learned a few magic tricks and decided to show off in front of her senior officers. Including one parlor gag that made even Tuvok smile...

I couldn't make up my mind. Double promotion in the Mess Hall! @Triskelion and @Nerys Myk

Janeway: This ship needs more interesting conflicts to talk about. How about a little Maquis dissent?
Torres: What? We actually get paid in food here. How about your broken love affair with Mark?
Janeway: Who? How about calling Harry "Starfleet" until he goes postal?
Torres: I tried it, he actually likes it. How about putting an ex-con in charge of Conn?
Janeway: He is actually an able pilot. How about running out of photon torpedoes?
Torres: Everyone I suggest that too many people just say "Use the replicators to replicate some more, dumbass." How about asking your First Officer for some fresh leadership advice?
Janeway: Who, the guy who gave himself a prison face tattoo? How about disabling the holodeck?
Torres: What, and miss out on medieval Ireland STD's and Flotter reruns? How about promoting everybody else but Harry?
Janeway: What, and expect Karry Him to notice? How about telling Chakotay Seska is a Cardassian spy?
Torres: What, and deprive both crews of betting on when she honeytraps him with a baby?
Janeway: ......This is hard.
Torres: Is it season 4 yet?
EMH: <walks in wearing silver catsuit>: As long as we're brainstorming....
Janeway: I SAID NO!!!

TOM: He's been frozen like that for the last hour. Maybe we should do something.
HARRY: Reboot? Unplug him? Wack him on the side of the head?
TOM: He not a robot!
HARRY: Are we 100% sure of that?

This round:

 

[Nerys Myk]

NEELIX: Sorry, first time operating the transporter.

 

[Catarina]

Garrett Wang doing a mediocre impersonation: "Only you can prevent starship fires."

 

[Mr Soak]

Moya: Oh, thank God, I thought I'd starburst into the wrong franchise.

What happens when you try to escape the transporter beam mid-transport.

Tom: Now that just looks weird, I hope we stick to Federation Starbases in the future.

Janeway: Oh no you don't, V'ger.

 

[LeadHead]

Paris: Well, that voids the warranty.

The Doctor soon regretted telling B'Elanna that he wanted to get out more.

Stadi: That's our ship, that's Voyager. Intrepid class, stable cruise velocity of Warp 9.975, 15 decks, bio-neural circuitry, room for 500 shuttlecraft, can be utterly destroyed and repaired in hours, torpedo launchers that can still fire torpedoes even once we're out of torpedoes...

Captain's Log: My new Maquis crew may require some additional training. Upon discovering a new spatial anomaly, Commander Chakotay's first orders were to blast it with full phasers.

 

[Nerys Myk]

JANEWAY: Fire! Fire!!! FIRE!!!!
TUVOK: We are currently using all available torpedo tubes and phaser banks.
JANEWAY: No that kind of fire, you idiot!!!!!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

ALIEN: Ahh, damn it.
OTHER ALIEN: What's wrong?
ALIEN: Voyager is blowing up. That means this timeline's going to be erased.
OTHER ALIEN: Oh. Damn it. So, sex and drugs then?
ALIEN: Thought you'd never ask.

DOC: I've discovered a portal to an alternate universe where Vulcan was destroyed in the 23rd century! Everything is so bright and shiny, I can barely see!

FUTURE JANEWAY: There it is. Voyager right before the Dominion took the station, and Voyager was destroyed in the battle.
FUTURE KIM: Initializing time jump to three years earlier, when the Caretaker array was still in operation. I have programmed it to push both the Maquis ship and Voyager into the Delta Quadrant, where they will never get drawn into the Dominion War.
FUTURE JANEWAY: Thank you Commander. Let's save our friends!

JANEWAY: Report! How are we doing?
TUVOK: The plot hole is 90% closed. Are energy reserves are nearing depletion.
JANEWAY: Keep firing! We have to protect the integrity of the universe!
KIM: Captain! Another one is opening up!

 

[2takesfrakes]

"... I've been a coward about everything. Everything that really matters."

 

[TribbleFeeder]

Thanks so much @Catarina !!

Captains Log: Supplemental. Voyager is now engulfed in a giant fireball. Hopefully this is an alternate timeline episode or this is gonna be a real bummer.

[playing in background “Don’t you, forget about me”]
Breakfast Club credits roll

Janeway: What are you firing at?!
Tuvok: Oops. There was a smudge on the screen...

 

[tharpdevenport]

Harry: "Explosive space diarrhea, Captain!"

Tuvok: "Now entering gloryhole."

 

[2takesfrakes]

KIM: "With these new shield calibrations, Captain, we'll be completely invisible to the aliens ..."

 

[Orac]

Janeway: The Space Anus must be destroyed! Fire all phasers!
Tuvok: Aye Captain, firing phasers.
Janeway: You missed! Tuvok you're fired. Kim, you're promoted, destroy the anus!
Kim: Yes ma'am!

 

[Trajet]

 

[Catarina]

Janeway: The Space Anus must be destroyed! Fire all phasers!
Tuvok: Aye Captain, firing phasers.
Janeway: You missed! Tuvok you're fired. Kim, you're promoted, destroy the anus!
Kim: Yes ma'am!

I knew you'd show up for this one

 

[Catarina]

"There's coffee in that...rectum?"
Kim: "Real mature, Paris."

 

[Catarina]

Sings: "It's gettin' hot in here. So take off all your clothes."

 

[Orac]

By the year 2369 Kim Kardashian's gluteus maximus had grown so large it had invaded the Delta Quadrant.

 

[2takesfrakes]

Oh! ... Thanks for the win, btw! wooHOO!!! >: )

EMH: " Fissurectomy on Nagilum proceeding as expected ..."

 

[Orac]

Chakotay: When you stare into the orifice, the orifice also stares into you.
Tuvok: Quite profound Mister Chakotay.
Kim: Holy hole in an ass!

 

[Leviathan]

Starfleet tested, but ultimately rejected use of the Emergency Practice Target