Contest: ENTER Voyager Caption Contest # 167 Resist this

[Catarina]

Too many good ones! we have to draw straws! Wait a minute, are some of you just using humor to cope with the holiday season? I myself would like an alcoholic eggnog right about now

If Chakotay fell in the woods would he be wooden award goes to Jirin Panthosa.

JANEWAY: Is he dead? Can I have a more interesting first officer?
DOCTOR: No, the wounds are only superficial.
JANEWAY: Damn it.
CHAKOTAY: You know I can hear you.
JANEWAY: I know.

Casting director story award goes to tharpdevenport

Disney's 2017 live-action "Beauty and the Beast" casting audition in progress...

Casting Executive: "Hi. your name?"

Kate: "Oh, I think you know who I am."

Casting Executive: "Ah, not really. Name?"

Kate: "You may have seen me in "Heartbeat" -- remember that?"

Casting Executive: "LOL, I barely know what's on ABC Disney and I work for Disney. Name?"

Kate: "But surely you saw me on "Star Trek: Voyager"?"

Casting Executive: "Um, I'm afraid I was one of many people who weren't watching UPN, sorry. Name?"

Kate: "Come now -- you were obviously captivated by my performance in "Mrs. Columbo", were you not?"

Casting Executive: "Oh -- that show about Columbo's wife?"

Kate: "Yes, that one!"

Casting Executive: "That changed names four or five times and had her divorce Columbo off screen after the Columbo show runners disavowed it had anything to do with "Columbo"?"

Kate: "Ah, yeah, that one."

Casting Executive: "No, I was too busy watching the real Columbo series. Name?"

Kate: "Umph. Kate Mulgrew. I'm hear to audition for the part of Belle."

Casting Executive: "HA HA HA, no -- now get up into that fake window setting and yell 'Bonjour!'

ANd it was so beautiful award goes to Mr. Lazer Beam

Neelix was the first victim of the Attack of the Facehugging Plastic Shopping Bags.

Spinach Bites award goes to Nerys

I'm Popeye the Sailor man....

I dislike the original line but this had me laughing award goes to Finn

Neelix: There's Leola root stew in that nebula!

She comprehended without Wiki award goes to: Laura Cynthia Chambers

The Doctor wondered why anyone would name a starship the USS Damocles... and then he looked up at the ceiling.

Dr. Bob and piggy backing winner Nerys for making me laugh until I cried.

Damn, the airlock was on the left and the holodeck was on the right. I should switch those signs.


This round:

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Wang: I don't recognize it.
Beltran: I'm not sure, but it looks interchangeable.
McNeill: I haven't seeen it before either.
Phillips: I'll take that! Go find your own dialogue!
McNeill: Why do you have your lines taped to MY console?!

----

Neelix: If you wave your hand like this, some strangely scented goo is dispensed.
Kim: Could be a leaking gel-pack...
Chakotay: Take a sample to sickbay and have the doctor analyze it
Paris: << wiping console >> You're wasting my hand sanitizer. Do you realize how many people touch this console in a day?!

 

[tharpdevenport]

THE: IS IT "STAR TREK: VOYAGER"? IDENTIFICATION CHECK LIST:

☑ Boring cinematography.
☑ Lifeless/bland lighting.
☑ Nelix on the Bridge for some reason..
☑ A clusterfuck of key Bridge crew gathered around elsewhere than their station.
☑ Chacotay looking wooden and possibly bored by the plot.
☑ Unknown ensign in the background who will magically vanish when something important happens, unless said ensign needs to be seriously injured or die.
☑ The best thing about the episode is the score.

Yup, it's "Star Trek: Voyager".

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Janeway: Marco...Marco...oh, come on, you have to say it!

Guy with gun: FINE. (sighs) Polo. <<zap!>>

 

[Logicpuzzle]

Tuvok: To achieve freedom, we have to consider the possibility to manipulate the guards through alluring behavior.
Torres: Seduce the guards? Sure! I think that one was a lot more interested in guys than women.

 

[Orac]

Kim: Hey you! I just cleaned that glass! Would you mind walking somewhere else!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Kim: Hey you! I just cleaned that glass! Would you mind walking somewhere else!

Woodcotay: "Whoa, whoa, whoa -- since when were you promoted to Window Washer around here?"



Also, what a diffrerence an "l" can make over an "n".....

 

[Tenacity]

If you love someone, set them free,
If they come back they're yours,
If they don't come back, hunt them down and kill them.

 

[Triskelion]

Kim: There she is, a hundred billion zigawatts of plasmotic energy, enough to cook an egg from here to Uranus.
Neelix: Eggs à la Uranus, next week's special, thank you!

B'Elanna: Why are we in here?? You did make sure to bring their alien child a remote helicopter as dictated by their custom, didn't you?
Tuvok: Affirmative.
B'Elanna: An officially-licensed, quality product that flies like on TV? Or some cheap knockoff that will immediately fly off course and shatter into a million pieces in front of his friends, thus beginning his long descent into a lifetime of ridicule, shame and loathing?
Tuvok: ..........
B'Elanna: You're sick, you know that.

Pop: Oh no, you're not going out dressed like that!
Janeway: My ankles, my rules old man!!!

Harry: Beiber.
Chakotay: Alanis.
Neelix: Chipmunks.
Tom: I swear, I will turn this ship around.
...
Kim: It's "Rotate our vector." Just sayin'.

Guard: Did you see Jamie Lee Curtis transform from housewife to hooker in "True Lies"?
Janeway: No.
Guard: Yeeaah.... <shoots>

 

[Catarina]

Okay it was a tough, tough judge. My child is sitting next to me "JUST PICK THAT ONE! i want to watch Peppa Pig!" touchie...

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Tuvok: I am sorry, Lieutenant...

B'Elanna: Tuvok, when the guard asks about your day, you don't tell him about the crude phaser we implemented.

Tuvok: I cannot lie.

B'Elanna: We need to get out of here before the warden finds out. This is an old Maquis trick. You are going to yell like you are in pain and tell the guard you are injured....

Tuvok: I cannot lie.
B'Elanna: ::: sigh ::: Touch the force field. You'll be injured and you won't have to lie, then I'll...

Tuvok: It would be illogical for me to intentionally touch a force field barrier this strong. The odds of sever neurological damage are..

B'Elanna: You know, Tuvok, Vulcans make the worst prisoners.


I can't believe I missed again!!!
Congratulations, cadet. You've just earned your Stormtrooper Marksmanship merit badge.

 

[Nerys Myk]

TORRES: Are we sure this is a holding cell?
TUVOK: Of course it is. See the glowing door frame? That means it's a force field
TORRES: Could be decorative
TUVOK: Lieutenant , I've been working security longer than you've been alive. I know a security force field when I see...

Torres walks through the doorway.

 

[Leviathan]

Chakotay: Best Jazzhands gets a promotion! oooo too slow Mr Kim, it goes to Neelix.

 

[Finn]

TORRES: ....I got nothing

 

[tharpdevenport]

TORRES: ....I got nothing

Tuvok: "IGT! What did Harry say after promotions were handed out?"

 

[Triskelion]

Torres: Well?? Are you ever going to take down the holiday decorations?
Tuvok: Why? Surak Fools' Day is just around the corner.

 

[Orac]

Neelix: Phwoar!
Chakotay: I miss the skant uniform. Why do we even have these glass levels now?
Kim: Being assigned to the pervert station just isn't the same any more.

 

[Nerys Myk]

NEELIX: That the second biggest bong I've ever seen.

 

[Finn]

Harry: I hate helping out while Tom and B'Elanna are on their honeymoon

Chakotay: Who's flying the ship?

Neelix: Oh, Crap

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIM: Maybe we should call Carey. Doesn't he have a background in engineering?
NEELIX and CHAKOTAY: Who?