Voyager Caption Contest #143 some more blast to the past

[Catarina]

How is everyone's 2016 so far? In the northern hemisphere I could use some SUN! We were spoiled by warmth but I haven't seen the sun much since November.

Congrats to our winners! I think I'll have some new banners created to make it fresh. Meaning I'll have someone else do it because I'm a procrastinator as it is (And I don't have a photo editor)

Jirin Janeway jokes make a laugh from this Janeway fan:

JANEWAY: Well. It must be my birthday! Come in, come in!

Stardream's funny!

Having escaped from Caldos II the entity went looking for a suitable replacement for the Howard women.

Curiosity hadn't killed the Kat award goes to: Triskelion
Psycho Housekeeper: Before I kill you, you...didn't go on the fourth floor, did you?
Janeway: First chance I got.
Psycho Housekeeper: You didn't, by chance, see....
Janeway: Lord Burleigh's oven mitt collection? Oh yes.

Big Bang Theory goes to Tharpdevenport

Janeway: "Hi, who are you?"

Slightly Older Lady: "I represent an advanced alien life form to complex to understand in person, so I have assumed the form of somebody from centuries ago, in order to fit in."

Janeway: "What do you want?"

Slightly Older Lady: "We've determined by examining your actions in the Delta Quadrant that you are not fit to be a part of this system and need to be punished for your actions."

Janeway: "What do you suggest?"

Slightly Older Lady: "I think some form of penalty is in order, so as to discourage this type of behavior in the future."

Janeway: "I suppose that's fair. What do you suggest?"

Slightly Older Lady: "Well, in a perfect universe I'd lock you in a stockage in a simulated public square. That probably requires to explaning to other species. You know, it's a tad old school, but my father was one to not spare the rod when I misbehaved."

Janeway: "Are you saying you wanna spank me?"

Slightly Older Lady: "I don't want to... but it looks like you left me no choice."

Janeway: "That's true. I'm a very bad girl."

Slightly Older Lady: "Are you prepared to recieve you punishment?"

Janeway: Shakes her head 'Yes', "One second -- computer, put on some music; Janeway Program 69."

Slightly Older Lady: "Very well then, get over my knee -- let's begin."

SPANK!

Janeway: "Oh my!"

Slightly Older Lady: "Excuse me -- you're not supposed to be enjoying this."

Janeway: "then maybe you should spank me harder..."

Slightly Older Lady: "Maybe I will."

SPANK!

Janeway: "Woo hoo!"

Well played, Jirin

Harry Kim's favorite first date activity: Erotic chess.

Security: Security to Janeway. He used the transporter to escape.

Janeway: What's that?

Security: It's a device for moving instantly from one place to another but that's no important right now.

Dawson: Robby, why are you rolling pieces of the script into cigarettes?
McNeill : It's a trick I picked up from Beltran. Next week, we film "Threshhold"




This weeks:

 

[Catarina]

Janeway: Someone else who enjoys invading the personal space of a stranger? I'm in love!

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Alien: Success! I've done it! All his personality is now in these two ...
<drops one, and it breaks>
... this ONE... ONE stone.

Let's see if THIS teaches these Federation people to build more bathrooms on their starships!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Thanks for the wins!

CHAKOTAY: You know, I'm not really that into holistic medicine. Can I just get the surgery the Doctor recommended?
JANEWAY: No Commander, we have to respect your traditions.
CHAKOTAY: We invented that stuff so we could sell it to hypochondriacs and hipsters at outrageous prices.
JANEWAY: No surgery!

NEELIX: You know I wonder why there happens to be leola root on almost every habitable planet in the delta quadrant. Shouldn't it be native to one planet?
KES: Oh, you didn't know? Leola is a super-invasive species. It spreads and kills all the native much better tasting vegetables.
NEELIX: Oh. So I probably shouldn't be giving it as a gift to every planet we visit then.

BOY: It's my turn.
TUVOK: It would be illogical to give up my turn without getting that one last pig.

JANEWAY: Yes, I am VERY interested in your silly hat collection.

 

[hux]

I won but I didn't get a name check. Someone needs to go over my knee.

Janeway: He's unconscious.

Doctor: Well, that's what happens when you keep hitting him in the head with a stone.

Neelix: What does it say on the tin? Naomi's dead counterpart and Borg baby. Meh, I'll just chuck it all in.

Corin: Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Tuvok?

Gath: On my planet, if you rest your hand on a woman's shoulder while another woman stares at you, that means you're having sex.

 

[stardream]

I would be honored to join the wire hanger hat society.

 

[Finn]

Janeway: *thinking* What would he have done if Riker got the command instead?

 

[Catarina]

Janeway: *thinking* What would he have done if Riker got the command instead?

He'd be after Harry's girl of the week.

 

[Hutchy01]

Janeway: *thinking* What would he have done if Riker got the command instead?

Chakotay: Anal?

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks for the Curiosity hadn't killed the Kat Award, Catarina!

Janeway: Poor Chakotay; you were never just a stepping stone to me.
EMH: I told him all that rock would go to his head.
Torres: Give him a penis enlargement too - kill two birds with one stone.
Paris: We'll find out what did this to him, and leave no stone unturned.
Tuvok: We should be quieter or all our talk might gravel his sleep.
Neelix: Were there any sticks with these stones to break his bones?
Kes: We're not sure, our diagnosis has run into a stone wall.
Lon Suder: Whatever it was knocked him out stone cold.
Holographic Seska: I always said he didn't get enough minerals.
Corpse of Lindsey Ballard: He looks just a stone's throw from death.
Capt Kohlar: Even the Kuvah'magh can't get blood from a stone!
Naomi Wildman: Unless it's some kind of rock monster.
Kim: He's stoned, cause he's an Indian!
All: OH FORGET IT @#$%..... <disperse>
Kim: What??

♩ ♪ Snips and snails and puppy dog tails ♫ ♬
♫ ♬ Sugar and spice and all things nice♩ ♪
♩ ♪ Leola root and homemade Ben Gay♫ ♬
♫ ♬ That's what dinner is made of! ♩ ♪

Boy: Seven years without sex, huh?
Tuvok: Yes.
Boy: I guess Vulcan priests don't want you after a certain age, too.

Gath: Come to my Fortress of Solitude, where I will fill you with box wine and do you doggy style until you collapse from ennui and natural odors.
Kathy: ..."Fortress"?
Other Chick: Ha! More like Studio Apartment of Smallville!

 

[stardream]

Now flip your wrist back really fast and give him three hard taps. That should wake him up.

Ghak, blood pudding, haggis, snails...and they have the nerve to complain about leola root.

No, I will not redo your ears to look like mine. Stop asking.

 

[Catarina]

Scorned lady in Green: *thinking* I know your deal. I hope you're allergic to that pecan pie she said she's making.

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Tuvok: It appears this device was irreparably damaged in the crash.
Boy: Try the power button, genius.

And for those of us who remember Mr Wizards World....

Tuvok: This week, on Mr. Tuvok's World, we'll learn how to repair a crashed shuttle using these common household items.
Boy: Great, but we're in the jungle. When was the last time you crashed into a house?

Woman: Lying politicians. He said if we wore these wire hats, the aliens would Never come for us. Guess Someone is going to have a hard time getting re-elected.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Woodcotay: "Some kind of mythical healing stone?"

Janeway: "No, soap. You're not fully clean unless you're Zest fully clean, commander."

 

[Nerys Myk]

WOMAN: Ms. Funbun shows up and suddenly he only has eyes for her.

JANEWAY: Do that again... put the rock on his head.
EMH: Why?
JANEWAY: I heard a hollow ring.
EMH: Explains a lot.

KES: Wasn't that just on the floor?
NEELIX: The five second rule is a universal concept.

 

[T'Girl]

I was injuried in the crash Jaden, you shall have to make your way through the jungle to reach the beacon and summon help.

I keep telling you, you're not Will Smith and I'm not named Jaden.

.

 

[Leviathan]

Dave Lister: No, it's supposed to be an 'H' on the forehead of the first officer smeghead.

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Tuvok: Please, be quiet. I am watching a YouTube video on how to repair a shuttlecraft impulse engine.

 

[Finn]

Robbie:...and there was the time Rob fell asleep during taping. We decided to bet how many hot rocks could be put on him before he woke up. He didn't.

 

[Catarina]

Robbie: Rather than get upset every time Beltran fell asleep on set, we gave him a script that guaranteed he'd shine in the best way he could, being in a coma the whole episode.