Voyager Caption Contest 126: Awkward Moments

[Catarina]

Hey, everyone! Just call me Robert Beltran I fell asleep on the job!

I won't be yammering on in the future but I ran into browser probs. Bear with me.

Here is the new contest. I'll get to winner announcements when I can. That's where I ran into unhappy tablet land last night.

Good news I got ambitious and I have photos for the next three contests! I will be able to rotate every 8 days so jump in soon.

 

[kirkfan]

Chak: How do you like my new suit? I cut it in an old set of bath towels.



Tom: So then the doctor says:"This is not a cow and you're not milking it."



Janeway: Call me a bitch again and I'll squeeze your balls untill your eyes pop out of their sockets!



Janeway: Harry, if you pat my ass again, you'll spend the rest of the trip scrubbing plasma conduits!



B'Lana: So you really think that with your modified nanoprobes Tom will be able to get it up?
Seven: I salvaged Neelix' rotten corpse, did I not?
B'Lana: Is that a yes?

 

[2takesfrakes]

(Offscreen ... )

B'Elanna: Kes, when you phase into the other timeline again, and you're the one - you know - who's with Tom, instead of me ...

Kes: Yes ...

B'Elanna: Let me prepare you for the way Tom makes love. Kes, do you know what 'foreplay' is?

Kes: ...... no?

B'Elanna: Good! Neither does Tom.

Paris: ... HEY!!!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

I tip my hat to the new constitution!




CHAKOTAY: TrekBBS forum members are asking why you're sexy. After tonight, nobody will question you again.
JANEWAY: Computer, emergency beam out!



PARIS: Live from the Mess Hall, it's Sunday night!
KIM: *giggle* *snrk* HA HA HA HA HA!
PARIS: Damn it Harry, again?



JANEWAY: So... *urp* I got an idea. I'm going to ask the computer to make you so... *hic* smart enough to beat Data. That way... *hic* ...this will stop being weird.



Page 1 of Tom and Harry romance fanfic.



SEVEN: Thank you for your compliance, Lt Torres. I was concerned you were about to start being 'Bitchy'.
B'ELANA: What was that?
SEVEN: I have often overheard Lt Paris remarking that when you have had to work a double shift it makes you...
PARIS: RED ALERT! I think I just heard a red alert! Everyone to the bridge!

 

[hux]

Chakotay: So tonight, I was thinking anal



Janeway: Captain to all decks...we're returning to that planet to get my lizard babies
Paris: ahhhh crap



Sullivan: So there's this very naughty girl called Teacake I'd like you to meet
Janeway: I'm listening



Kim: And you promise if I do this for you twice a week, I'll get promoted
Janeway: Stop your yakking and lube me up



Torres: So um, Tom and I were wondering if you'd like to come back to our quarters
Seven: I'm fully booked this week but I can fit you in next Thursday after my appointment with Chell

 

[AgentCoop]

The Caption Contest lives again!


Janeway: Computer, remove the spinach from his teeth.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janeway "Computer, remove Chacotay hologram from Hot Steaming Encounter Program #2 and insert 7 of 9 hologram. And give her a human male penis. Stop romantic mood music and play bow wow chicka chicka bow wow '70's porno music."

Computer: Beeps, "Please specify length and girth."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Janeway: Insulted my cooking again, have we? Well let me tell YOU something, Mr. Lucky Charms, I think that swill you call beer tastes like malted battery acid. There! What do you think of THAT? Oh yeah. In your FACE!

 

[Catarina]

Wow, you guys aren't holding back. Fantastic. :-)

 

[Triskelion]

Great, new contest, Thanks Catarina!

Janeway: Oh my crap, it's like pinching a cork that's pushed in too far!
Sullivan: Maybe you should have tried this before you locked yourself out of my holographic parameters file.
Janeway: Screw this! Computer, DOS Command prompt!

 

[f14peter]

Dr Nokotay: "The Federation are fools! I offered my services, they refused. So did the Romulans. Now they can pay for their mistake"

Janeway Bond (offscreen): "Galactic domination. The same old dream. Our asylums are full of people who think they're Kahless. Or God."

Dr Nokotay: "Care for spot of bubbly, Dom Perignon, Stardate 2155, quite nice"

Janeway Bond (offscreen): "I prefer the 2153 myself, but bottom's up!"





PARIS: "There I was, I had the Delta Flyer just smoking around that moon and then ... um ... what? ... *sigh*, did Harry tape a 'Beam me up' sign on my back again?"



JANEWAY: "Play it once, Sam. For old times' sake

SAM: "I don't know what you mean, Miss Janeway"

JANEWAY: Play it, Sam. Play 'As Space-Time-Distortion Goes By'"



KIM: "Ooooh, my mistake Tom, I guess that actually is a tricorder in your pocket, sorry for slapping you earlier"

[/QUOTE]

TORRES (whispering): "Okay 7, just smile girlishly and giggle"

SEVEN: "Why should I do that?"

TORRES: "Just play along, now glance over at Tom and smirk like you found out something embarrassing about him"

SEVEN: "I do not understand the purpose of this"

TORRES: "I'm trying to make Tom think I'm talking about him, didn't you ever do that as a gi-- ... um, never mind"

 

[2takesfrakes]

"There's an ancient ritual in the Game of Love among my people, Kathryn. It's called: "How Am I the Candle?"

If you can guess correctly which of these candles corresponds to the proper size of my phallus ... you win and you get lucky.

But, if you guess wrong, I win and I'm the one that gets lucky ..."

 

[Triskelion]

The Lovemaster: I picked out this wine just for you, Captain Baby. It's got an intrusive nose, a full fruity body with smoky undertones and just a hint of salt-cured ham.
Captain Baby: Oh good, the last time I had an offer like this was from Lieutenant Durst, you know, just before I sent him on that away mission that resulted in his face getting ripped off.

 

[kirkfan]

B'Lana: ...so in other words, for his birthday, I am thinking of getting Tom a threesome.

Seven: I see. I know how difficult it must be for you to ask that sort of thing.

B'Lana: You have no idea.

Seven: Very well, the first chance I get I'll ask ensign Kim if he's interested.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHAKOTAY: Damn, why doesn't this come in screwtops?

 

[kirkfan]

Chak: I am trying to pull this cork and keep myself from farting at the same time...

 

[Catarina]

I might have to have a tie on the laughter award.

 

[tharpdevenport]

B'Lana: "Seven."

7 of 9: "Yes?"

B'Lana: "I'm a little teapot."

7 of 9: "Because you're short and stout?"

B'Lana: "Here is my handle, here is my spout."

7 of 9: "I believe you no longer have a handle on anything."

B'Lana: "When I get all steamed up, hear me shout!"

7 of 9: "Are you coming on to me? It would be most unwise."

B'Lana: "Just tip me over--"

7 of 9: "Do you require me to pour you out?"

B'Lana: "I'm glad we had this conversation. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go stop the itsy-bitsy spider from climbing up the waterspout in Engineering."

7 of 9: "I see..."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Janeway: ...you know that's a bottle of Welch's Sparkling Grape Juice, right?

Harry, grunting: One more...good shove....and you'll be IN there.
Paris: Thaaaat's what she said.

Torres: You said you had a problem?
Seven: Yes. How do I keep people from sending me game invitations on this?

 

[2takesfrakes]

"When you're having a Chak Attack™, Seven - Resistance is Futile!"