VOY Line-By-Line (New Dialogue) Game - Twisted

[Catarina]

NEELIX: Did you see that?
CHAKOTAY: See what?

Neelix: Am I am jealous!
Chakotay: Jealous of what, whom?

 

[hux]

NEELIX: He. He. He did a lovely wrapping job, don't you think?
TUVOK [OC]: Bridge to Janeway.
JANEWAY: Go ahead, Lieutenant

NEELIX: He. He. He's such a dick. Such a massive dick.
TUVOK [OC]: Bridge to annoying woman who runs the ship.
JANEWAY: Go ahead, dull-boy.

 

[Catarina]

TUVOK [OC]: Captain, we have encountered an unusual phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon.
(Tuvok's voice continues to echo around the holodeck.)
JANEWAY: What is going on, Lieutenant?

Tuvok: We've been ensnared by a hacker, hacker, hacker, (yadayadaa)
Janeway: Is he up to his vulcan games again? Guesses, Lieutenant?

 

[hux]

TORRES: It might simply be a localised malfunction, but I've never heard anything like it. My guess is..
(Peace is restored.)
TORRES: It's a problem with the comm. system itself.

TORRES: It might be voodoo magic or pixies, but I'm just making shit up now. My guess is..
(Peace is restored.)
TORRES: The ship is a pile of crap and nothing ever works.

 

[Catarina]

JANEWAY: Janeway to Bridge. Get down to Engineering and run a diagnostic. I'm afraid we're going to have to cut your party short, Kes. Stations, everyone. Let's move.
NEELIX: But, but, what about the Jibelian fudge cake?
JANEWAY: Save me a slice, won't you?

Janeway: Janeway to bridge: Hurry your asses to engineering. Kes, we got to bail. Put down the booze everyone and look alive.
Neelix: but what about my cake? You ungrateful humans
Janeway: Throw it. I wear a size two uniform. And I can't have that added to my midsection.

 

[hux]

[Bridge]

KIM: These readings indicate the space ahead of us is literally changing shape. My best guess is it's some type of spatial distortion wave.
TUVOK: Is the anomaly responsible for the comm. system malfunction?

[Bridge]

KIM: Computer says space is weird and getting weirder. I'm gonna guess that it's some kind of wibbly-wobbly anomaly.
TUVOK: Is the weird wibbly-wobbly space thing the reason why the coffee machine isn't working?

 

[Catarina]

KIM: I think so. It's generating intense pulses of EM radiation, and if we don't get out of its way, it's going to intercept us in less than ten minutes.
TUVOK: Acknowledged. Full reverse, Ensign.
CREWWOMAN: Aye, sir.

Kim: I don't see how. It's emitting a signal. It sounds like Metallica. No wait, Busta Rhymes? Could it be all the stolen music from the 20th century? It's about to intercept us!
Tuvok: You heard Ensign Red shirt. Full stop and reverse.
Crew woman: Whatever

 

[hux]

KIM:We can't go backwards either, Mister Tuvok. The distortion has completely surrounded us like a ring.
TUVOK: If we can not go around it, then we will have to go through it.

KIM: There's no God damn reverse button. We're inside a ring (so why don't we just go up?)
TUVOK: We'll have to go through it (even though it's a ring so we could just go up or down to escape it).

 

[Catarina]

. KIM: There's no telling what that will do to the ship.
TUVOK: From what you have told me, Ensign, the distortion ring will make contact with us momentarily whether we attempt to pass through it or not. I prefer to minimise the amount of time that contact lasts. Shields at maximum. Warp three. Engage.

Kim: So I'm not stuck doing hull repair let's not.
Tuvok: look, you said we'll make contact whether we ram in blindly or not (is it a ring or a sphere?) Let's see if this anomaly will predictably cut our warp field. Engage Warp 3

 

[Orac]

Kim: Fuck! It's broke!

 

[Catarina]

Orac

 

[Catarina]

Tuvok: It's your turn to tell the Captain we neither warp capability nor coffee, black.
Kim:F*** that, dawg. It's your turn! [Suddenly intimidated] Aye.

 

[hux]

[Corridor]

BAXTER: Ensign Kim, I've been trying to report a problem in the gym, but the comm. system seems to be down.
KIM: We've encountered a spatial distortion. It's knocked out several systems.

[Corridor]

BAXTER: Ensign Kim, I'm a lieutenant but I'm gonna talk to you like your my superior. What's going on?
KIM: We've encountered some spacey type problems. It done totally broke the ship.

 

[Orac]

Baxter: That explains why my nipples are erect.

 

[hux]

KIM: Cold?
BAXTER: I didn't notice it at first. I was working out so hard. Then I realised it was under ten degrees C. The environmental controls didn't respond to my commands and neither did the comm. system.

KIM: Hard nipples?
BAXTER: First they were soft but then they got pointy. Then I understood it was because it was cold; not because I was aroused. The computer wouldn't heat them when I asked it to.

 

[Orac]

Kim: Engines are offline too. I'm looking for the Captain to let her know what's going on.
Baxter: Should I report to my duty station?

Kim: May I see them?

Baxter: Yeah you can! Behold!

Kim: Niiiiice. Oh yeah, I better tell the Captain about the broke ship.

Baxter: Should I show her my nipples?

 

[hux]

KIM: It might not be a bad idea. Until we find out exactly what's going on, everybody should be on standby.
BAXTER: I'll round up my security team.

KIM: Yes, you dumbass. Stay at your post and whatever happens... do not go to the holodeck where all the important people are.
BAXTER: I'll go find some friends so we can hold hands.

 

[Orac]

[Turbolift]

Janeway: The first thing I want to do when we get to the Bridge is establish a remote comm. link to Engineering. I want to know exactly what's going on.
Chakotay: Aye, Captain.

Janeway: The first thing I want to do when we get to the bridge is check my spacebook page.

Chakotay: Whut?

 

[hux]

JANEWAY: Where are we?
PARIS: Deck four.
CHAKOTAY: If the comm. system's malfunctioning, the computer could be misreading our voice commands.

JANEWAY: Where the hell did we go?
PARIS: Fourth floor.
CHAKOTAY: Maybe the computer is broken because the ship's run by incompetent idiots.

 

[Catarina]

PARIS: That might explain why it took us here instead of the Bridge.
JANEWAY: We'd better try setting the controls manually.

Paris: I don't think so. The computer is smarter than those idiots. A fail safe.
Janeway: And yet we idiots will override manually.