From the other side, many of the loved ones had also moved on, including Janeway's significant other, Mark. That kind of thing - partners remarrying, assuming their loved ones were dead - would also be very traumatic.
Wow, it's a good thing they already had
three years in which to come to terms with such changes, then. Maybe to be kind they should have taken an extra year or two to come back.
It wasn't a plothole, since, as stated, the books said they took it slow for 'readjustment' (you'll be able to recognize some fairly sizeable such holes as you progress). It was, however, a demonstration of the author's tendency towards hypersensitivity and making the characters so bleeding emotionally fragile. I dearly hope that in
Kirsten Beyer's new book, the crew won't be so fucking emo. Also, that Astall dies a horrible, horrible death.
As for Chakotay and the Maquis - I think there was a goodly six month period before Chakotay went out again (they had to remove the future tech and refurbish the ship itself). The Maquis thing was barely mentioned; apparently there was a blanket pardon for Maquis fighters before Voyager ever got home. When I asked about this, I believe onetime editor
John Ordover gave as a reason (and I'm paraphrasing) 'Starfleet recognized the Maquis were right about the Cardassians'. I personally don't think the situation was that cut and dry, but certainly the Maquis personnel above Voyager demonstrated that they had reformed, becoming functioning members of a Stafleet crew, to which they gave seven years of service. It would have been sheer spite to go after them.
Edit:
Christopher's estimate is probably more accurate. It's been a while since I read these and obvious have no desire to do so again.
Fictitiously yours, Trent Roman