Trying out Match.com

[Colonel Green]

I met my fiancee on Lavalife, although I've heard that site had gone downhill since then (it was about 5 yrs ago).

I wasn't desperate per se , but my evil ex had poisoned most of my female aquaintences against me and I was in a male dominated uni program. I was really just looking for a brief rebound type relationship to relieve my "urges" and maybe restore my confidence a bit.

Long story short, the third girl I met through the site turned out to be a cute law student who likes Star Trek. We're getting married this summer

 

[CaptainHawk1]

I think dating sites could be helpful as a last resort, but it's probably unwise to use them as a way of avoiding the day to day challenges/excitement of meeting people. I think other avenues should be explored first, simply as a way of character building, saving dating services for last, if necessary.

Unless you are out working in Timbuktu or something, and men/women are difficult to meet!

WRONG. FAIL.

The problem is, as I discovered when I was 28 and single, that the pool of potential life mates thins out exponentially the closer you get to 30. There may be a lot of single people out there to meet, but the quality sucks because most of the good ones have already been plucked by someone else so what's left is mostly women that nobody wants to be with to begin with.

The paysites are better because the fact that they charge eliminates the ones that aren't serious to begin with. Women aren't going to pay for a service to simply hook up (men will, but most of the men on the paysites are sincere). Why would they when they can walk into any bar and offer it for free?

Interent dating is far more convenient for those of us who have jobs and don't want to waste a bunch of time playing roulette with the people we meet. Your opinion assumes a social anxiety disorder of some type associated with people who use online dating. That's usually not the case and it really doesn't make sense because if a person using an online service wants to go past the wink/email stage in a relationship, they are going to have to go out eventually, don't you think?

The fact is, it's much more efficient and less frustrating to have a list of people with a résumé of similar interests and values than to try to hope those things develop with an absolute stranger.

The older you get, the harder it is to meet single men/women who share your interests/values and who don't have kids, period.

Online dating services are really what you make of them and your success will be incumbent with the amount of patience that you have. There are some insider tips, though, that I would like to share:

1.) Nearly everyone lies on their profile, so be prepared for that.

2.) Everybody posts the best picture of themselves even if it was from 20 years ago.

3.) You're going to have to go on a lot of bad dates and meet a lot of nutjobs before you find someone wothwhile.

I met my wife on Match.com after being a member for three months and dating nothing but lying, crazy women before I met her. My wife was on for a total of 3 days before she responded to my email out of the 1800 (no, I'm not kidding) emails she got. Why did dhe respondto me and no one else? Because I was sincere and more importantly becauseshe's a teacher and she was impressed with my grammar and spelling (the funny part of that is that I was drunk when I wrote her. I had just ended an awful Match.com date and I got loaded and said 'fuck it' and started drunk emailing.).

I married her seven days after we met and we've been married for 4 1/2 years and we are expecting our second child on March 17.

So, no, Match.com and similar sites are not the 'last resort' for people who are socially uncomfortable.

Also, yes, Match.com was using company plants with fake profiles to keep people signed up and they were busted for it and as far as I know, that practice doesn't go on anymore.

-Shawn

 

[John Picard]

I think dating sites could be helpful as a last resort, but it's probably unwise to use them as a way of avoiding the day to day challenges/excitement of meeting people. I think other avenues should be explored first, simply as a way of character building, saving dating services for last, if necessary.

Unless you are out working in Timbuktu or something, and men/women are difficult to meet!

WRONG. FAIL.

The problem is, as I discovered when I was 28 and single, that the pool of potential life mates thins out exponentially the closer you get to 30. There may be a lot of single people out there to meet, but the quality sucks because most of the good ones have already been plucked by someone else so what's left is mostly women that nobody wants to be with to begin with.

Oh, you have no idea. As I related to someone where I work, "Once you hit my age, it's like shopping in the toy aisle on December 23rd. All that's left are the generic crap, stuff that was ripped out of the box and stuffed back inside, and still more that's really screwed up without any packaging and just "tossed in there".

Interent dating is far more convenient for those of us who have jobs and don't want to waste a bunch of time playing roulette with the people we meet. Your opinion assumes a social anxiety disorder of some type associated with people who use online dating. That's usually not the case and it really doesn't make sense because if a person using an online service wants to go past the wink/email stage in a relationship, they are going to have to go out eventually, don't you think?

The fact is, it's much more efficient and less frustrating to have a list of people with a résumé of similar interests and values than to try to hope those things develop with an absolute stranger.

The older you get, the harder it is to meet single men/women who share your interests/values and who don't have kids, period.

Online dating services are really what you make of them and your success will be incumbent with the amount of patience that you have. There are some insider tips, though, that I would like to share:

1.) Nearly everyone lies on their profile, so be prepared for that.

2.) Everybody posts the best picture of themselves even if it was from 20 years ago.

3.) You're going to have to go on a lot of bad dates and meet a lot of nutjobs before you find someone wothwhile.

I met my wife on Match.com after being a member for three months and dating nothing but lying, crazy women before I met her. My wife was on for a total of 3 days before she responded to my email out of the 1800 (no, I'm not kidding) emails she got. Why did dhe respondto me and no one else? Because I was sincere and more importantly becauseshe's a teacher and she was impressed with my grammar and spelling (the funny part of that is that I was drunk when I wrote her. I had just ended an awful Match.com date and I got loaded and said 'fuck it' and started drunk emailing.).

I married her seven days after we met and we've been married for 4 1/2 years and we are expecting our second child on March 17.

So, no, Match.com and similar sites are not the 'last resort' for people who are socially uncomfortable.

Also, yes, Match.com was using company plants with fake profiles to keep people signed up and they were busted for it and as far as I know, that practice doesn't go on anymore.

-Shawn

Well said, nice catch, and I hope you two grow old together She's cute.

 

[An Officer]

WRONG. FAIL.

The problem is, as I discovered when I was 28 and single, that the pool of potential life mates thins out exponentially the closer you get to 30. There may be a lot of single people out there to meet, but the quality sucks because most of the good ones have already been plucked by someone else so what's left is mostly women that nobody wants to be with to begin with.

Charming.

So it was a last resort. Good for you.

 

[Lindley]

Unless you are out working in Timbuktu or something, and men/women are difficult to meet!

Women are difficult to meet. Always. At least the type I'd have any prolonged interest in.

I sometimes wonder if women really understand just how difficult the whole thing is. I imagine the hard part on the female end is choosing among the candidates. If you're good looking at all, you're going to have at least a few guys hanging around. The reverse is not true for guys, though.

 

[sidious618]

I don't use online services but I think they are a good thing to have around. Some people laugh at the idea but you get to meet people you don't usually see, right?

 

[CaptainHawk1]

WRONG. FAIL.

The problem is, as I discovered when I was 28 and single, that the pool of potential life mates thins out exponentially the closer you get to 30. There may be a lot of single people out there to meet, but the quality sucks because most of the good ones have already been plucked by someone else so what's left is mostly women that nobody wants to be with to begin with.

Charming.

So it was a last resort. Good for you.

No, it wasn't a last resort. It was an efficient alternative to the bar scene or dating someone I work with or having someone set me up.

-Shawn

 

[An Officer]

I sometimes wonder if women really understand just how difficult the whole thing is. I imagine the hard part on the female end is choosing among the candidates. If you're good looking at all, you're going to have at least a few guys hanging around. The reverse is not true for guys, though.

I remember reading about a female journalist who lived as a man for a year, unbeknown to those she met. She claimed the dating process is much harder for men, and that she felt women took a lot of things for granted, and often didn't even bother to say thank you, when given flowers, gifts, fancy dinners! I don't think women often think about what it's like to be a man.

 

[CaptainHawk1]

Oh, you have no idea. As I related to someone where I work, "Once you hit my age, it's like shopping in the toy aisle on December 23rd. All that's left are the generic crap, stuff that was ripped out of the box and stuffed back inside, and still more that's really screwed up without any packaging and just "tossed in there".

Honestly, if I didn't have that brilliant quote fro Joe Zhang as my sig already, I would use that.



-Shawn

 

[Lindley]

I sometimes wonder if women really understand just how difficult the whole thing is. I imagine the hard part on the female end is choosing among the candidates. If you're good looking at all, you're going to have at least a few guys hanging around. The reverse is not true for guys, though.

I remember reading about a female journalist who lived as a man for a year, unbeknown to those she met. She claimed the dating process is much harder for men, and that she felt women took a lot of things for granted, and often didn't even bother to say thank you, when given flowers, gifts, fancy dinners! I don't think women often think about what it's like to be a man.

Doesn't really surprise me. I had lunch with a female cousin of mine who just started college a few weeks back. She complained at one point that almost all of the guys she thought of as friends had made a pass at her at one time or another. I was sitting there trying to explain that I'd love to have that problem......that it was much worse not only being alone, but unable to even find someone to throw the unrequited feelings at. I can't even develop a decent crush these days. No idea why, it just doesn't happen. Like a supersaturated solution without a catalyst to grow the crystals.

This sort of dating site is pretty much the only solution I can think of.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Anybody tried this service or something similar?

I'm way too miserly to pay for a dating service!

The day Holdfast needs a dating service is the day we all might as well just pack up and go home.

 

[MANT!]

As one who found myself divorced after 20+ years of marriage with no idea of how to meet women outside of work (the bar scene isn't my style), I used several pay sites and found each much more interested in separating me from my pennies than actually "Scientifically matching me with a potential LTR". I began looking through the free sites,most were specifically targeted towards certain groups I really didn't fit into at the time. So I located P.O.F., posted my profile and was brutally honest in what I posted and what I was looking for in a woman.After a few disasters,(and I could write a few reports to make your hair white!!) I met my wife of over a year and I couldn't be happier..

Don't think that it was a "last resort" for me, it was my first choice due to the circumstances I was in...

 

[RedFenix]

Why did dhe respondto me and no one else? Because I was sincere and more importantly becauseshe's a teacher and she was impressed with my grammar and spelling (the funny part of that is that I was drunk when I wrote her. I had just ended an awful Match.com date and I got loaded and said 'fuck it' and started drunk emailing.).

That's my first screening tactic. Hey, everyone's shallow about something...and for me, I'm shallow about the written language. Careless grammar or spelling mistakes means the possibility ends there.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I tried that 'plenty of fish' site once. Didn't work.

 

[MANT!]

Not everything works for everybody..They have made some improvements over when I joined..so you might want to give them a try..

 

[ria 75]

I think dating sites could be helpful as a last resort, but it's probably unwise to use them as a way of avoiding the day to day challenges/excitement of meeting people. I think other avenues should be explored first, simply as a way of character building, saving dating services for last, if necessary.

Unless you are out working in Timbuktu or something, and men/women are difficult to meet!

Don't underestimate isolation in the urban jungle.
And the need some people like me feel to screen potential matches. If you're looking for someone with a higher education, an artistic flair, hopefully one foreign language spoken at least, who wants to have kids, etc., etc., an online service helps. I thought of cruising museums, but I just don't cruise. I'm also a bit of a stay-at-home.

When a stay-at-home (or geek) wants to meet another stay-at-home (or geek), what do they do? Go online.

 

[ria 75]

Oops. Accidental double post. My finger must have slipped. I was gonna paste that in edit.

I can't even develop a decent crush these days. No idea why, it just doesn't happen. Like a supersaturated solution without a catalyst to grow the crystals.

That happened to me for about 6 years. It eventually came back. Do you like yourself, and do you find yourself attractive? I think you can see where I'm driving at. Not to say that these are the only elements in the solution.
Also, are there any interesting women around?

 

[CaptainHawk1]

Why did dhe respondto me and no one else? Because I was sincere and more importantly becauseshe's a teacher and she was impressed with my grammar and spelling (the funny part of that is that I was drunk when I wrote her. I had just ended an awful Match.com date and I got loaded and said 'fuck it' and started drunk emailing.).

That's my first screening tactic. Hey, everyone's shallow about something...and for me, I'm shallow about the written language. Careless grammar or spelling mistakes means the possibility ends there.

The irony of that quote of mine you cited is that it's filled with typos and is a flippin' mess!

Thanks for letting me off the hook.

-Shawn

 

[RevdKathy]

I have no trouble meeting people. I meet people all day for a living. Trouble is, they're all either married or mad (and some of them both).

The result is that I actually prefer not to spend my precious free time hanging around places where there are loads of people looking for Someone To Meet.

I live in a far flung corner of the country - what was available on Match.com didn't work for me, and I was sufficiently reticent on my profile that I didn't attract much attention. And I'm choosy. And down here, there's a heck of a lot more women signed up than men.

So no, not something I would bother spending good money on again. And with Match.com, you can't actually contact anyone till you put up the dosh.

 

[TheSeeker]

I met my wife on Match.com after being a member for three months and dating nothing but lying, crazy women before I met her. My wife was on for a total of 3 days before she responded to my email out of the 1800 (no, I'm not kidding) emails she got. Why did dhe respondto me and no one else? Because I was sincere and more importantly becauseshe's a teacher and she was impressed with my grammar and spelling (the funny part of that is that I was drunk when I wrote her. I had just ended an awful Match.com date and I got loaded and said 'fuck it' and started drunk emailing.).

-Shawn

I met my wife on Match.com in a similar way to how you met your wife except that I didn't go on a bunch of dates with Psycho women. She was the only woman I actually went on a date with.

Like your wife mine was flooded with emails and most of them were utterly horrible. She showed me a few after we started dating and I couldn't believe some of these guys thought this would get them a date.

In the end she only responded to two of emails, one of them being mine obviously. We chatted for about three weeks and then went on our first date on June 23rd, 2004. We got married three years later on 07/07/07.

WRONG. FAIL.

The problem is, as I discovered when I was 28 and single, that the pool of potential life mates thins out exponentially the closer you get to 30. There may be a lot of single people out there to meet, but the quality sucks because most of the good ones have already been plucked by someone else so what's left is mostly women that nobody wants to be with to begin with.

Charming.

So it was a last resort. Good for you.

No, it wasn't a last resort. It was an efficient alternative to the bar scene or dating someone I work with or having someone set me up.

-Shawn

I hear ya. I was still dating and meeting women at the time I met my wife but Match.com made it a lot easier.