My experience, Nerys, has been that whether in personal or business relationships, the majority of the women I've met only feel like they're being treated equally when that equality is handed to them. As soon as they have to put any effort into earning that equality, that's when they start crying "discrimination" and cop an attitude.
I don't want anybody HANDING anything to me. In fact, if I EVER find out I got a job or any other such thing because I was female and not because I was the best candidate, I will be PISSED.
What I want is to be able to engage and be engaged intellectually in a relationship as well as on other levels. This is important to me and if someone is unwilling to engage on that level, that IS a turn-off to me. I'm not there just to be decoration...I'm there to
hold up my end of a relationship in all ways, and I expect the same in return.
I treat everyone - male, female, parent, child, subordinate, superior - the same way: "If you ask me a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear." You'd be amazed how many overinflated egos I've managed to filter out of my life. What's left are the ones who are smart enough and objective enough to realize that I'm not being insulting, just being honest.
And of those that are left, over 90% of them are male. What does that tell you?
Since I am not there to SEE exactly what you are saying, how you are saying it, and how it is being received, I can't draw a conclusion yet.
However, I do think there should be awareness of difference in communication styles. Being rude is not necessary to being to the point. As I said, though, I am not there to see what's going on, so I have no way to conclude whether you're simply being direct or being an ass.
I do know that on some occasions I have been too forceful for some men to take being around me in a possible relationship...IRL if I get in a debate, I do not back down easily--I definitely dig in my heels, and I've seen some men really react to that with shock.
Anyway, to get the thread back on track, the point of this whole sidebar discussion is that it doesn't matter what you think of yourself or others or how you treat them. Soon as you tell someone you're a Trek fan, they're going to instantly judge you as being a different kind of person than they thought you were before you told them.
Personally, I would rather someone know that, and accept that--along with all my other geeky interests--than try and act like someone I am not.
)
