TOS Caption Contest Scrimage #1
- Thread starter Shatmandu
- Start date
McCoy: "Nice beaver!"
Chapel: "Thanks, I just had it stuffed."
CHAPEL:"Well?
Are you gonna climb on top of her or not, Len?
I can't stay aroused FOREVER."
Scotty's public testing of Starfleet's new water-free toilet didn't turn out the way R&D hoped.
Kirk: "And you think it's appropriate to hail Uhura twelve times a day and ask what she's wearing?"
Scotty, lowering head: "Nae."
Kirk: "Look, decide what kind of haircut you want, or let someone else go next."
Scotty: "Blocked in the back, then, ye pommy git."
Chapel: "She said the Captain sent her down to 'get the works.'"
Chapel: "Dr. McCoy, this crew woman. All her vital signs and brain patterns... Doctor, I just can't believe it--this is James T. Kirk!"
McCoy: "Yes nurse, it's true. I gave the captain a sex change overnight." (grin)
Chapel: "But doctor, why??"
McCoy: "Why? Because it's the best damned prank ever played in Starfleet, that's why! Now, when he--I mean 'she'--wakes up, you've got to call her Dr. Janice Lester."
Kirk: "Which one are you now, the replica or the real one?"
Scotty: "I'm the real Scotty. You've done away with my replicas. I regret, what I must now do."
(takes out a phaser and zaps Kirk into unconsciousness)
Luigi, in the background: "You'da thinka guy coulda getta canoli ora somethinga, eh?"
Actually, there wasn't a Luigi... Morla and Tark are in the background next to Jaris. 
YEOMAN:"We done yet, Doctor?
Normally the Captain has me lie down longer and spread eagle...should I do that?"
KIRK:"This is a lie detector, Scotty...did or did you NOT steal my hover-Lambo with Dunn and Dico's help?"
Morla (far left against the wall): "God... how much longer? I should've taken that two-bit part on Bonanza."
Tark (next to Morla): "As for me, I'd rather be on my fishing boat in Bodrum Turkey, where I can eat fresh seafood and drink Raki all day."
Jarvis: "Gentlemen, please. We're making history here!"
Spock: "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Doctor, tell your girlfriend she's got to take a hike. We need this bed for a patient.
McCOY:"See, Christine?
Look at the readout. When a woman lies in a prone position, sperm reaches the cervix far easier than when she's doing the reverse cowgirl."
McCoy: "Oh, it looks innocent enough, at first. You think you're going to quench that burning thirst of yours. But the truth is, this stuff is loaded with sugar and packed to the hilt in calories. Before you know it, you need a girdle to squeeze into that uniform of yours."
"One more of these, Jim, and I'm gonna need one of my special black-bag pills to grow myself a brand new kidney."
CHAPEL:"Bad news, Doctor.
She just went from stage two to stage three. Woodenactus takes just four stages to kill a human."
Luigi, in the background: "You'da thinka guy coulda getta canoli ora somethinga, eh?"
That's called Poetic License my friend.
MCCOY: You really need to watch where you throw your condoms.
