KIRK:"Tell Scotty he can use the toilet now."
TOS Caption Contest #99 - A Dirty Shatchez
- Thread starter Outpost4
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KIRK:"Tell Scotty he can use the toilet now."
Chapel: SED-A-GIVE?!
" ...Spock?"
"Beamed into space, with seconds to spare."
"Good, good. That could have been disastrous."
"You have a gift for understatement, as always, Captain."
"You know, Spock... you really should try it, some t- "
"I shall be satisfied to take your word for it, sir."
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WET-NAPS
Because you never know where in the cosmos you'll need 'em.
Kirk: "Bones, how's it going?"
Bones: "Jim, please be patient. Removing Spock's ass hair to make you a new toupee is a delicate procedure."
KIRK:"When I told him I'd put my foot up his ass the next time he disobeyed an order...I never thought this would happen!"
SPOCK:"Enough is enough, sir.
No more.
A man your age and in your position of power and influence is GOING to have to learn to eat a brownie the correct way."
Spock: "Captain, traveling at high warp for six days to Ceti Bovine IV just so you could beam down to go cow-tipping was a most illogical waste of StarFleet resources.
Kirk: "Yeah but Sulu dared me."
M'Benga: "Well ill be... What the hell is that?"
Bones: "Dont Kn... Why that green blooded..."
M'Benga "Hang on, it has a ring attatched. Im pulling it."
Spock: "Theres a snake in maahh boooot"
Heres an old TOS forum classic, probably been done though, but ill be forever looking through them all....
Where will you be when your diarrhea comes back?
McCOY:"So...which part do ya want, Jim-Boy?
The breast? Or the wing?"
Love means never having to use soap.
Spock: So this is what it means when humans use the phrase, "we're in the shit."
-or-
Kirk: Spock, I said Golden Shower... not Fecal Shower.
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"Your scans were right, Spock...
that planet down there...
it's chock-full of rich, creamy, chocolatey goodness!"
I tell you Spock, It was awful down on that planet...
...monkeys everywhere...
...flinging poo...
M'BENGA:"This is getting out of hand, Doctor...
another senseless lawn dart accident! Where the blazes will it end?!"
Kirk: "So, errr, whats up guys. I was takin' a leak and got called down to the lab."
Bones: "According to Spock, captain, Vulcans have this, sort of genetic capability to time travel, by crossing these nerves in his 12th vertabrea and connecting them the the nerve cluster that joins the forked penis to the double sphyncter muscle, in turn short circuiting the nerve to the brain. To activate, you just have to pull this nerve here and...."
Kirk: "What, you mean along with the 'spare' eyelids and double sphyncter and, ya know, all the other 'Spock stuff' used as plot devices?"
Bones: "in short, yeah"
Chapel: Stop the operation, Mr. Spock's medical insurance policy doesn't cover "accidental" anal insertion.
Bones: "Thats odd, im trying to remove this spanner from Spocks spleen but everytime i touch the sides with this scapel, the light above Chappel flashes and the alert sounds."
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Ah, the Trek-specific pimp joke gets 'em every time ...
Kirk: "We managed to escape ... the entire planet ... of women with Daddy-issues. They ignored me, but he had intercourse seven hundred times."
Kirk: "I was transported into an open sewer."
Spock: "Make another comment about my race, and it'll be worse next time."
Spock, thinking: "Since Kirk bogarted all the condoms, I'll just rely on my little-known Vulcan inner-foreskin."
Kirk: "We managed to escape ... the entire planet ... of women with Daddy-issues. They ignored me, but he had intercourse seven hundred times."
Kirk: "I was transported into an open sewer."
Spock: "Make another comment about my race, and it'll be worse next time."
Spock, thinking: "Since Kirk bogarted all the condoms, I'll just rely on my little-known Vulcan inner-foreskin."