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TOS Caption Contest #44: Miri Me

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While in rehearsals Deforest Kelly unfortunately comes across next weeks script for the new Trek episode Spock's Brain.

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Uhura lost interest in what the captain was saying, as she quietly reached over and flicked her Chairs massage switch to full.
 

Kirk: It's called the "one-cheek sneak". Try it sometime, just make sure your panties don't show. These damn vinyl chairs are like a fart amplifier or something!

Kirk's ass: *Poot*

Uhura: There's that smell again!
 
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Kirk: ". . . and Miss Uhura, please either get a longer skirt or trim your pubic hair. Kirk out."
 
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Kirk: "Look, we're not lost. I know where we're going and we're not stopping for directions."
 
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Removing the growth from Dr. McCoy's face would prove easier than removing the one from his taint.
 
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Kirk: ". . . and put yourself on report: no one should fart that much. Kirk, commanding, Enterprise, and so on."
 
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KIRK: Lieutenant, recording to Captain's Log, Balok's puppet sighted after an absence of many weeks, all security staff to be notified.



(Squire, software but not skills updated)
 
DrBob said:
Thanks for the win! Here's a few more:

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McCoys cure was a near leathal mixture of LSD, gin and laxatives.

And/Or

Spock: "Thats the worst one-arm pushup I've ever seen attempted. Pay up that 10 quatloos now you wimpy bitch!"

And/Or

While shredding some papers McCoys necktie got caught in the machine. And by necktie I mean penis.

Lieutenant, as a winner your caption deserves to be seen with an image!
 
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"Ahhhhhhhhhhh, yeah....ooooh, baby...

Gimme some more drawer and dovetail joint..."
 
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KIRK:"Was that you?

Yuck. Shit, lieutenant, you're supposed to COOK a damned burrito first."
 
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Kirk: "Look, if you have an idea better than using the corbomite bluff again, I'm all ears. Otherwise, shut the hell up."
 
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