Contest: ENTER TOS Caption Contest #311: Thrusters at Stationkeeping

Discussion in 'Star Trek - The Original & Animated Series' started by LeadHead, Jun 25, 2018.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    The Normandy SR-2
    Hello and welcome to the new contest!

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    First up to the plate, we have the "Does Ragnarok happen in the Mirror Universe?" award, goes to @Tenacity for:

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    Leader: "It is Thor, the god of thunder."
    Uhura: "Captain. He looks just like that picture of your father."


    Next, we have the "Too much of a caffeine boost!" Award, going to @Steven P Bastien for:

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    Uhura: Mr Spock, why is no one moving? ... Hey, Mr. Spock! ... Mr. Spock? ... Damn it, I knew drinking that Scalosian coffee was as bad idea!


    Next, we have the "More lines for everyone! (Not you, Shatner)" Award, going to @Maurice for:

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    NICHELLE: And that's for taking all of George's lines that they could have given to me!


    Next, we have the "Unprofessional Behavior" Award, going to @Redfern for:

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    Uhura: "Look, M'Ress, I appreciate you as a valued co-worker, but I'm jut not into you like that. So would you stop poking your d*mned fuzzy ass cheeks in my face?!"


    Next, we have the "Your call is important to us, please stay on the line" Award, going to @Bry_Sinclair for:

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    Uhura: Thank you for calling the U.S.S. Enterprise, all our operators are currently busy, please hold.


    Two Photoshop Awards!

    @TrickyDickie:

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    Uhura: "Who did it, anyway?"

    Spock: "Khan."

    Uhura: "Oh....no wonder he gets so mad."



    And @Cutie McWhiskers:

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    (...with apologies to both "Star Trek" and "The Critic"...)


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    Many Tribbles chose awards this time!

    First, @Leviathan:

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    Uhura: NOW can we discuss why I'm the only one on the bridge who does not get pants?!


    Next, @Mr Soak:

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    Kirk: Hello, switchboard? Quick, what’s the number for 911?


    Next, @Laura Cynthia Chambers:

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    Uhura: "How do you butt-dial a red alert?!"
    Kirk: "Just cancel it already, will you?"


    And, @Nerys Myk:

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    UHURA: I think that Chekov kid might have accidentally launched the photon torpedoes again.
    KIRK: Shi....


    Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

    And now, we turn to our helpful helm officer: Hikaru Sulu!

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    Enjoy!
     
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  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    The Normandy SR-2
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    Sulu: Whoops! I guess we were closer to that asteroid than I thought...

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    Kirk: Hmmmm.... they have Red Alert in the 20th Century too?

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    Sulu: Mister Spock, why does Leslie get to play video games on the bridge?

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    Sulu: Uh-oh. Did anybody bring a charger? I'm at 3%.


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    Scotty: (over comm) Sulu, what the devil are ye doin? Every button in that conduit causes the ship to go from "Fully Operational" to "Nearly Destroyed!"
     
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  3. Redfern

    Redfern Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2006
    Location:
    Georgia, USA
    Me: "Wow! My entry actually got acknowledged?! You like me! You guys really like me!"

    Rest of forum: "Not really. LevelHead needed to meet a quota. Since this section is listed as '...the Original & Animated Series', he had to list something from that d*mned cartoon!"

    Me: "Meh, I'll take what I can get. You tolerate me. You guys barely tolerate me!"
     
  4. ChasFink

    ChasFink Lieutenant Commander Red Shirt

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2017
    Location:
    ChasFink
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    The captain entertains the crew in front of the viewscreen by showing off some moves he learned in Orion dancing class.


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    Kirk: Mr. Sulu, if I remember my history of 20th century theme parks, this is a staff entrance to Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.


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    Sulu: Look, Mr. Spock! I can draw a cow on my magic slate!


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    D'Amato: I caught a Psyduck!
    Sulu: Damn! Just missed one!


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    Sulu: No! This breaker keeps going off! Just unplug the damn toaster!
     
  5. Herbert

    Herbert Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2017
    Location:
    CT - Yay! More taxes and possibly tolls.
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    Sulu: I can't believe it, Mr Scott. TOS Caption Contest # 311 is actually happening?
    Scott: Aye Laddie, now we go in search of the winners for the Movies Caption Aprils Fools Contest # 268:
    Sulu: Yeah, like we'll ever find those :rolleyes:



    :p
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2018
  6. Herbert

    Herbert Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
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    CT - Yay! More taxes and possibly tolls.
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    Kirk: <offscreen> Dammit Bones, my officers are addicted to their devices
     
  7. Herbert

    Herbert Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
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    Location:
    CT - Yay! More taxes and possibly tolls.
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    Sulu: D'amato, did you see this post on Spacebook?
     
  8. Herbert

    Herbert Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2017
    Location:
    CT - Yay! More taxes and possibly tolls.
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    Spock: It is illogical to have a stenographer stationed on the bridge.
    Sulu: And the Captain is going to rip the Assignments Officer a new one when he finds out it's not a woman.
     
  9. TribbleFeeder

    TribbleFeeder The Real Kim Cardassian Premium Member

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2010
    Location:
    TribbleFeeder
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    Scotty: What’s that smell?
    Sulu: Sorry, I had Andorian gristhera for lunch today...
     
  10. Maurice

    Maurice Fact Trekker Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2005
    Location:
    One ferry ride from Starfleet HQ
    Thanks for the nod. I LOLed when that caption hit me (pun intended).


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    SULU: Affirmative, Mr. Scott. I am holdiing down Control-Alt-Delete and we've still got the Blue Screen of Death.


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    SULU: There, across the street. See the sign?
    KIRK: "Nob Hill Theater. Touch Our Junk! Nude Male Shows". Wow, you really do know old San Francisco, Mr. Sulu.
    SULU: I'm a historian....this week.


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    D'AMATO: It's like nothing I've even seen before.
    SULU: Clearly, you haven't been to the Nob Hill Theater in San Francisco.


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    GEORGE: Seriously, Leonard. I get that Eddie wants more screen time—who doesn't?—but this is going too far.

    —or—


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    LESLIE: You sank my battleship!
    SULU: War games are fun, Mr., Spock!


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    SULU: I've found the problem, Captain. The "Plot Device" has been bolted to the wall of the Jefferies Tube.
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2018
  11. TrickyDickie

    TrickyDickie Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2003
    Location:
    In a painting, darkly.
    Thanks for the win, LH. :)

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    Sulu: "Who is 'Catwoman'?"

    D'Amato: "I don't know, but it sounds to me like Dr McCoy needs to vaccinate us against cat-scratch fever!"

    ;)
     
  12. TrickyDickie

    TrickyDickie Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2003
    Location:
    In a painting, darkly.
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    Kirk would soon come to find that the 'Battle of The Bulge' poster had been eerily prophetic.
     
  13. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
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    Sulu: That dog is way to small to mount that other dog.
    Kirk: Just wait.
     
  14. Timewalker

    Timewalker Cat-lovin', Star Trekkin' Time Lady Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2007
    Location:
    In many different universes, simultaneously.
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    Sulu: Just a few more minutes, Mr. Spock. We're at a critical juncture.

    Leslie: Hah, I built Leonardo's Workshop, the Great Library, and the Hanging Gardens, and my spearman just slaughtered your tank! Whaddya say to that?

    Sulu (adjusts a couple of orders, then smiles evilly): Never trust an Aztec with nukes, my friend.

    Leslie (as Tenochtitlan launches a nuclear missile at his capital city): Damn!



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    Sulu: D'Amato, you do realize that if anyone's going to die on this landing party, it won't be either me or the Captain, right?
     
  15. CorporalCaptain

    CorporalCaptain Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2011
    Location:
    astral plane
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    Sulu: Mr. Spock, how much longer must these exercises continue?

    Spock: As the Captain said, until all bridge personnel have a 100 percent rating.

    Leslie: Simulator reset. Helm techniques, parallel parking, attempt 47.

    Sulu: I'll never live this down, will I?
     
  16. Laura Cynthia Chambers

    Laura Cynthia Chambers Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2016
    Location:
    Mississauga
    Glad I have one...

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    Spock: "Mr. Sulu, take a letter. Let's see...'Dear Mother...'"
    Upon being assigned to the Enterprise, every crew member spent their first two weeks aboard in the secretarial pool.
     
  17. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
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    Sulu: Commander, why is this court reporter here?
    Court Reporter: type type type type
    Spock: Starfleet Command wishes to analyze our unofficial communications to determine whether the crew would benefit from sensitivity training.
    Court Reporter: type type type type type
    Sulu: That's ***** ***** ***** *****.
    Court Reporter: typetypetypetypetypetype
    typetypetypetypetypetypetypetype
    typetypetypetypetypetypetypetypetype....
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2018
  18. 1001001

    1001001 Very Stable Genius Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2001
    Location:
    Danny Street
    Seems like you could use some sensitivity training yourself.

    Using "fucking gay" as a pejorative, even in jest, is not cool.
     
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  19. Herbert

    Herbert Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2017
    Location:
    CT - Yay! More taxes and possibly tolls.
    I thought I would combine a couple of my earlier ones


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    Sulu: D'amato, did you see this post on Spacebook?
    D'amato: Not now, I just leveled on Candy Crush
    Kirk: <offscreen> Dammit Bones, my <pause> officers are <pause> addicted to their devices
    McCoy: <distracted> ......uh what did you say, Jim? I was caught up in this new game. It's called Tricorder Trivia Crack.
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2018
  20. Laura Cynthia Chambers

    Laura Cynthia Chambers Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2016
    Location:
    Mississauga
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    Sulu: "Mr. Scott, did you just scuff your shoes on the carpet?"
    Scott: "No, why?"
    Sulu: "No reason."

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    Kirk: "Another fire drill? Why do these things always happen when I'm in the bathroom?"
    Sulu: "Murphy's Law doesn't like you?"