Contest: ENTER TOS Caption Contest #303: Caption is Yesterday

[LeadHead]

Hello! New Contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Blocking" Award, going to JonnyQuest037 for:

Despite his emerging leg cramps, Ensign Ricky kept on kneeling silently in the background. He wondered how long he could hold his position before Kirk and Spock realized he was just trying to keep his face in the shot.


Next, we have the "Safety Procedures" Award, going to tharpdevenport for:

Kirk: "Scotty, we've arrived on the hostile planet with potentially poisonous air, deadly plants, and mystery deaths. Switch out Dr. McCoy for a redshirt."

Scott: "Aye, sir."

McCOY BEAMS AWAY AND A REDSHIRT REPLACES HIM.

Kirk: "Now switch out Mr. Spock for a redshirt."

Scott: "Aye, sir."

THE SAME AGAIN

[n]Kirk:[/b] "Okay, I think it's safe for me, I mean, US to proceed now....."



Next, we have the "You really shouldn't have said that" Award, going to Nerys Myk for:

KIRK: Hold my calls.
UHURA: Say what?


Next, we have the "HMcCoy" Award, going to Triskelion for:

Bones: "Omega IV Virus Cure"? How'd this get in here? <tosses it> I've got business interests to protect!
Chapel: Sorrry, Doctor. So, waiting room is full. Ready for lunch?


Next, we have the "Vanishing equipment" Award, going to JonnyQuest037 for:

"Transporter Room to Captain Kirk: We've scanned the entire ship twice over, and we still can't find any trace of that food slot from 'Tomorrow is Yesterday.'"


Our Photoshop award goes to A beaker full of death for:

Our Tribbles choose Leviathan for:

Chapel: So you're not going to explain the skulls?
McCoy: Quiet. I'm being sued for hunting a lion...

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to the winners!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Uhura: It's a bird!

Kirk: It's a plane!

Spock: It's me declaring the Captain unfit for duty and taking command!

Computer: Recording, dear.

Kirk: Why are you calling me dear?

Computer: I'm not talking to you.

Spock: Good morning, Captain.

Kirk: High school gym renovation's on schedule? What a load.

Spock: I have now destroyed the photo negatives!

Scotty: I said "turn the inertial dampeners ON!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

SHATNER: Well, it looks like Gene dosed us with LSD...again!

 

[Nerys Myk]

SHATNER: Call sheet's wrong, George. You don't even need to be on set tomorrow.
TAKEI: But I had an entire page of dialog....hey!

 

[Nerys Myk]

CAPTAINS LOG: And please tell the cleaning staff to return my books to the way they found them.

 

[JonnyQuest037]

Cool! Two awards! Thanks, LeadHead! Let's see if I can continue the streak...

Uhura always got a little handsy after the Enterprise Christmas party.

"Captain's Log, Stardate 3062.4: The crew criticized me for getting dramatic lighting installed in my quarters, but I think the results speak for themselves."

"Look, George: it's a bar graph comparing our post-Star Trek careers. Yours is the one the size of my thumbnail. Mine is the one continued on the next graph."

"De, your scene was brilliant. George, we're going to have to cut the scene of Sulu meeting his great-great grandfather. But don't worry, we'll make you a Captain a few films from now."

Announcer: "Diarrhea is like a storm raging inside you..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: I'm pretty sure this violates all types of temporal directives.
SPOCK: Irrelevant, Doctor. All prints of "Spock's Brain" must be destroyed.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Spock: "To answer your question, ensign, about this long. And forked."

Sulu: "Oh my!"

Director (off screen): "CUT! Okay, who let the Batman cinematographer in here???"

 

[Smellincoffee]

Music:
What you doin' on your back aah
What you doin' on your back aah
You should be dancing, yeah
Dancing, yeah

Uhura wasn't expecting the Vulcan Neck Massage to be quite so...intense.

Spock: These shots appear to be mostly self-taken photos of young women pursing their lips.

 

[Tenacity]

Kirk: The 1960's, revolution, protest and the potential for nuclear war at any moment.

Sulu: Look, there's a sale at Penney's.

Spock: As I calculated, we've arrived at the exact point in history that Vulcan Love Slave was first released on super eight.

Scotty: If anyone on this crew is going to be a Christ figure, it's going to be me!

 

[HarryM]

KIRK: Look, it says the airbase botony club will be showing it's "freaky plant collection" in room 101 today, that's down the corridor behind us. Why don't you go take a look? I'll take care of the UFO film.
SULU: Thanks Captain!

SPOCK: You were supposed to return film of the "UFO", Mr. Sulu.
SULU: Yes, that's what it is, Mr. Spock!
SPOCK: I was not aware it was possible for a human to do these things with a plant, Lieutenant.
SULU: <sotto voice> Thanks, Captain...

 

[tharpdevenport]

Sulu: "Oh, the job announcement board."

Jim: "Keep moving, ensign, we have a very important lifeless and potentially deadly planet to investigate."

Sulu: "Wanted: one captain for an in-development experimental Starfleet vessel. Oh my."

Jim: "Now change into your red shirt."

 

[Maurice]

The expected ratings coup that was Star Trek's adaptation of The Miracle Worker failed to materialize.

KIRK: Computer, the task I have foryou to perform is this: I want you… to tell me… The Answer.
COMPUTER: INSUFFICIENT INPUT PARAMETERS. SPECIFY: THE ANSWER TO WHAT?
KIRK: Life! The Universe. Everything!
COMPUTER: TRICKY… DEAR.

SULU: It's always been my dream to visit Cocoa Beach and meet Major Nelson!

SPOCK: 16mm with perforations on both sides and no optical soundtrack. The only logical conclusion is it's rear-projection footage for the bridge monitors of the planned Enterprise refit.
BONES: Sulu, you said it was a stag film.
SULU: I said it was "starship p0rn".

SCOTTY: Me girdle cannae handle it!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Hollywood's first experiment with the digital backlot went badly, as the 'tennis ball on a stick' technology had yet to be invented.

After one raised eyebrow too many, Kirk decided to keep the spines of his Cats on the Internet volumes 1-8 collection hidden from view.

Sulu: "Look Captain! There's a rythmic ceremonial ritual coming up."
Kirk: "Of course, the Enchantment Under the Sea dance. They're supposed to go to this. It's where they kiss for the first time."
Sulu: "That's great. I'll stick to your ever-so-great grandfather like glue. You work on your female ancestor... On second thoughts, better do it the other way round. We want to avoid a Fry paradox."

Spock: "Hmm, a future Kennedy shot himself. This is evidence of time travel that the world does not need. We should destroy it."
McCoy: "The world needs its episodes of Red Dwarf, Spock!"

Scotty came to regret the Hot Dog mod that he applied to the Enterprise at the Captain's request.

 

[Hutchy01]

Spock had some Kinks that were only ever explored once!

I think we need to invent a game called "Shatner" where someone yells "SHATNER" at you and you then have to overact whatever you were currently doing!

 

[Noname Given]

Mr. Spock: "My mother never told me she had a explicit sex scene with my father, Sarek in 'Vulcan Love Slave'. If she's as limber as she appears here, it's quite logical he married her."

 

[Tenacity]

Voice: "You two men, stop touching that woman!"
Kirk: "Is that God?"
Spock: "Close, it's Starfleet Humanoid Resources."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Kirk: Kirk to Bridge. Open the shuttlebay doors.
Enterprise Console: I'm sorry, Jim, I'm afraid I can't do that.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Good evening, Enterprise. This is Jimmy the K on the air to help you through the third shift blues.

 

[tharpdevenport]

After another trip to the Guardian of Forever and stepping into the future, both Spock and Jim return to -- while the lights are out and an attack is under way, rid themsleves of Uhura in a preemtive strike on the naked fan dance.