TOS Caption Contest #299: Captionpaw The Revenge!

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! I know, it's been a long wait but how about we have a spooky contest to get things rolling again?

First up to the plate, we have the "Side effects include..." Award, going to:

Kirk: So wait a minute, this door is supposed to shield us from radiation, but now it's got a huge hole in it... which we're standing right in front of...
McCoy: Why do you think I'm way over here? I hope neither of you wanted children.

Next, we have the "Conflict Resolution" Award, going to:

Spock: Double dumbass on you.
Bones: Triple dumbass on you.
Spock: Dumbass cubed on you.
Bones: Dumbass to the power of ten on you.
Spock: Quadruple-bypass dumbass on you.
Bones: DOA dumbass on you.
Spock: Uhura's nipples dumbass on you.
Bones: Mudd's nipple ring dumbass on you.
Spock: Infinity to the power of infinity dumbass on you.
Bones: Infinity to the power of infinity plus one horta turd dumbass on you.
Spock: infinity to the power of infinity plus one mugato turd dumbass on you.
Bones: Infinity to the power of infinity plus infinite horta and mugato turds dumbass on you.
Kirk: Captain's log, supplemental: Just kill I. Kill I now.

Next, we have the "Pure Evil" Award, going to:

KIRK: I'm afraid it's worse than we thought, Vanderberg. Whatever this monster is, it's been tapping your premium channels!

Next, we have the "Exhibit A" Award, going to:

(Outside cave) Spock: Captain, I've discovered a worrying correlation between being a red shirt and being killed.

Giotto: What the fuck did he say?!

Next, we have the "NOT NOW JAMES!" Award, going to:

McCoy: D'you mind, Jim? I'm right in the middle of a delivery, here.

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

SCOTTY: Do ye not know a....

KIRK: Who the hell is that?

Two winners of this award, first we have...

EPIC FAILURE: The moment when you realize your trained security personnel not only stood within arm's length of the hostile large mob, but also all turned their heads away at the same time.

Next, we have...

Giotto (through communicator): "Mr. Vanderberg and his men are here, and they're pretty ugly."
Vanderberg (through communicator, whining): "Well, that was uncalled for!"

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Thank you everyone for your patience. It's so easy to think I just started a contest and not realize it's been much longer than that.

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Spock: It appears we are trapped in this structure, Captain.

Kirk: Good, means the episode will be all about us.

Kirk: These gems have no value to us.

McCoy: Another couple of plates of these and I could retire...

Kirk: Bones!

McCoy: Right, no value to us.

McCoy: It's a mutiny, Jim. I'll be the Captain now.

Spock: The service here is most inefficient. My gratuity will be limited.

Kirk: It's a giant cat!

Spock: Captain, set your phaser to "pointer."

 

[Hutchy01]

Rule 34.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: Mr. Scott, could you please ask the Captain to pass the salt?

SCOTT: Aye, they're fighting again.

SPOCK: I suggest a hasty retreat to the ship where we contact the Ghostbusters.

 

[T'Girl]

Spock: "Captain, given our situation it may have been unwise to tell our powerful captor that his clothing looks really gay."

.

 

[Avro Arrow]

TFTW, The Illusive Man!

Korob: I trust you gentlemen like Italian?
Kirk: Yes.
Spock: No.
Kirk: Yes.
Spock: No.
Kirk: Yes.
Spock: N...
Kirk: Yes, I love Italian. And so do you. Try to remember that for the future!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Korob: "Something wrong, Mr. Spock?"
Spock: "I will not eat meat."
Korob: "Oh, that's not real meat! It's a protein paste substitute made to look like meat."
Kirk: "Well, I won't eat that."

McCoy: "'Eye of newt,' eh? Just how big are the newts on this planet, anyway?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: I practically majored in Beer Pong at Ole Miss, sir!

 

[Avro Arrow]

McCoy: Yep, this is definitely the Galaxy, Jim.
Spock (O/S): I recommend we notify the Arquilians at once.
Kirk (O/S): If this thing is so important to them, how the hell do they keep losing it?!

Korob: These are not the Starfleet officers you're looking for.
Kirk: I didn't know he could do that!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Korob: "Careful, gents! He's still my little Muffy and he still just wants to play...but at this size, he'll bat the bejezzus out of you!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Korob: Oh crap. I think Tiddles is hacking up a hairball.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KOROB: Any of you read the Harry Potter book?

KIRK: No, why?

KOROB: Because I need help and I'm fresh out of ideas.

 

[Captain Crow]

Spock: Mr. Scott, please tell the Captain I'm not speaking to him.

Scotty, : But... he's... right he...

Spock: THAT'S AN ORDER!

Scotty: Ooookay. Captain, Mr. Spock says he's not speaking to you.

Kirk: Well you can tell Mr. Spock I'm not speaking to him either.

Scotty: Oh for fuck sake.

Scotty: Do you guys see Uncle Fester in a muumuu standing beside me or am I just really drunk and hallucinating him?

 

[Maurice]

Thanks for the nod!

NBC: And don't let the door hit your asses on your way out!
<SLAM>

BONES: I recognize Harry Mudd's latest contraband!
KIRK: Venus drug?
BONES: Well, it sorta rhymes with Venus.

DE: I'm afraid that George insists you attend his wedding.
BILL: George who?

KIRK: Opinion, Spock?
SPOCK: We have achieved Lost In Space-ness this week.

KOROB: Sylvia. Now I told you not to get catty with our guests!

 

[Curios_Gelatin]

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Illusive Man!

Kirk: Hey, a pretty good chance there's someone in there wearing fishnet stockings under a lab coat.
Spock: There is an equal chance there is no female of reproductive age present whatso - oh why bother, of course there is.
Bones: Well if she starts doing the Time Warp we're outta here. Right Jim?

- Jim?

Kirk: I know you've been studying Breaking Bad archive record but no, Bones, we're not interested in even knowing how you made it yellow, let alone trying it.

Bones: - and Spock can just stay there until one of you admits you ate my Rice Krispies!
Sulu: I had the Coco Pops.
Kirk: Sorry Spock. Mine was Frankenberry.
Scotty: ...
Bones: Well, Scott??
Scotty: Whisky-O's.
Bones: THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS WHISKY-O'S!
Scotty: Like hell there isn't.

Spock: You call that a grace? "Good Vaal, Dead Meat, Red Shirt, let's eat?!"


http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"Out with it, Bill. Where's the bike?"

 

[tharpdevenport]

McCoy: "Jim, this is a testicle. It's not really a testicle, but it looks like one so I'm saying it is. In my left hand I have a penis. It's not really a penis. It's a rock that looks like a penis but I'm saying it is a penis. But appeasing Goddman butt-fucking Communist Google AdSense means we are no longer allowed to use the Penisrock image. But boy howdy, look at this testicle!!!"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "Bones! For God's sake, man, think about what you're doing! I'm sure it was all just his clumsy attempt at playful banter!"
Spock: "Would it help if I told you that on Vulcan 'crotchety, old witch doctor employing beads and rattles' is a term of endearment?"

 

[Hutchy01]

McCoy: Get in the chains ... They don't call me bones for nothin'!