TOS Caption Contest #298: The Caption in the Dark

Discussion in 'Star Trek - The Original & Animated Series' started by LeadHead, Aug 19, 2015.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Admiral

    Joined:
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    Location:
    The Normandy SR-2
    Hello everyone! New Contest!


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    First up to the plate, we have the "On Air Antics" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Well, that was inevitable" Award, going to:

    Next, we have "The Cover-up" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Clever Hiding Places" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Request DENIED" Award, going to:


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    Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

    And now, lets spend some time on Janus 6...

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    Enjoy!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Admiral

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
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    Spock: It was unnecessary for you to phaser the door, Captain. I have a key.

    Kirk: Whoops.

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    Kirk: Now, Mister Spock. Would you care to explain why in the 23rd Century we are STILL using Styrofoam cups?

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    Kirk: Kirk to McCoy, would you care to explain why Mister Scott is using ships equipment to make a still?

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    Giotto: No, I don't see a purple zebra down there. Why did you-



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    Kirk: Bones! Stop sculpting and get back to saving the Horta!
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2015
  3. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Giotto (through communicator): "Mr. Vanderberg and his men are here, and they're pretty ugly."
    Vanderberg (through communicator, whining): "Well, that was uncalled for!"
     
  4. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Worf in the 23rd Century Premium Member

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    Deep Space Station K7
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    KIRK: They have some pretty big mice on this planet.

    MCCOY: You should see their droppings!

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    KIRK: Okay, its pretty clear by the chart, the ratings declined started with DS9 and continued with Voyager and Enterprise. So stop fighting about it!
     
  5. Maurice

    Maurice Fact Trekker Premium Member

    Joined:
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    One ferry ride from Starfleet HQ
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    KIRK: Holey metal door!
    SPOCK: Incorrect Bat Time, incorrect Bat Channel, Jim.


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    BONES: Scotty says he replaced our regular dilithium crystals with new Folgers Crystals. Wonder if we can taste the difference?
    KIRK: Smells like haggis...


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    KIRK: I'm afraid it's worse than we thought, Vanderberg. Whatever this monster is, it's been tapping your premium channels!


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    MINERS: Bonk bonk! On the head!


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    BONES: "Fix" the Horta? Oh, I thought you said "fist"! My bad...
     
  6. Smellincoffee

    Smellincoffee Commodore Commodore

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    Heart of Dixie
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    McCoy: D'you mind, Jim? I'm right in the middle of a delivery, here.

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    Kirk: We're not going back onto the bridge until you two kiss and make up. I've got a full pot of coffee here. We can stand here all day if you want.
    Spock: Must it involve kissing?


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    Spock: I advise caution, captain.
    Kirk: James T. Kirk doesn't shy away the unknown, Mr. Spock.
    Spock: This is why you frequent Dr. McCoy's stock of prophylactics, then.
    McCoy: Better call a doc, Jim, because you just got BURNED!



    Spock: We are merely reusing those manufactured in the 20th century. There are upsides to their never deteriorating.
     
  7. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Admiral

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    I meant the 23rd Century. #LeadHeadFAIL
     
  8. Hutchy01

    Hutchy01 Captain Captain

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    Inside the Wastelands of my mind!
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    McCoy: This ain't your normal kind of space STD!
     
  9. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    McCoy: "Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?"


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    EPIC FAILURE: The moment when you realize your trained security personnel not only stood within arm's length of the hostile large mob, but also all turned their heads away at the same time.


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    Kirk: "What about now?"

    Spock (over the comm): "Still not recieving free cable, captain."

    Kirk: "Damnit! HBO Orian Spacegirls After Midnight is almost starting."
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2015
  10. hux

    hux Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Kirk: This is where the Terminator arrived

    Spock: Agreed

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    Spock: If McCoy gets tea, I want tea.

    Kirk: Fine... Gee, you two are such babies.

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    Kirk: Kirk to all hands. Please stop flushing mashed up Dundee cake down the toilets. This isn't funny anymore.

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    (Outside cave) Spock: Captain, I've discovered a worrying correlation between being a red shirt and being killed.

    Giotto: What the fuck did he say?!

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    McCoy: I can't find the baby.

    Kirk: Try the other hole and remind me to get you an updated version of anatomy for dummies.
     
  11. Hutchy01

    Hutchy01 Captain Captain

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    Inside the Wastelands of my mind!
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    Spock: It is most unusual for you to see a hole and not try to enter it!
     
  12. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Kirk: "'Caution'? Caution of what? That diabolical beast! It's obscured the key word!"
     
  13. Ryan Thomas Riddle

    Ryan Thomas Riddle Writer and occasional starship commander Premium Member

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    McCoy: I've finished Spock's prostate exam, but now I can't find my damned pinky ring.
     
  14. Avro Arrow

    Avro Arrow Sorry. Moderator

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    Kirk: So wait a minute, this door is supposed to shield us from radiation, but now it's got a huge hole in it... which we're standing right in front of...
    McCoy: Why do you think I'm way over here? I hope neither of you wanted children.
     
  15. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

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    McCoy: "Where's Scotty?! I've got a 'here's mud in your eye' joke to spring on him!"
    Kirk (OS): "I wouldn't advise that, Bones."
     
  16. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Worf in the 23rd Century Premium Member

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    MCCOY: What do you mean. "Who's it's supposed to be?"
     
  17. Hutchy01

    Hutchy01 Captain Captain

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    Kirk: You know better than anyone how many kids I have!
     
  18. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    TFTW Leadhead!
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    Kirk: Well you and Bones follow the wood chip trail. I'm going to run a few laps on the wheel first.
    Spock: And...?
    Kirk: Ok, maybe climb the ladder and ring the bell a few times.


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    Bones: You see Spock? I told you he'd notice the correlation between adding crew and losing screen time.
    Kirk: Think nothing of it, Bones. Now, if you'd be so kind as to distribute this free tea to the senior staff....and please assure them it is completely non-toxic.


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    Kirk: Kirk to Enterprise. Code buttcrack. That is all.


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    Captain's log, supplemental: Wow, you really don't want to be the last ones picked in a deep mine pickup softball game.


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    Uhura: That reminds me, I need to schedule a gyno exam.


     
  19. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Kirk: "Better get your coffee now, Spock. I doubt Vanderberg will be offering us any more after I shut down his mining operations."
     
  20. T'Girl

    T'Girl Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Announcer: "This week, on Logan's Run ...