TOS Caption Contest #297: Intensity

[Finn]

Scotty: You are really going to wear that down there?

Spock: That's correct. My mother said she got them at a great deal and is the customary apparel down there.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Kirk: OK, it's over, Mr. Leslie. Resume your duties.
Leslie: ...
Kirk: I said it's finished. Please return to your post.
Leslie: ...
Kirk: Lieutenant, take your station!
Leslie: ...
Kirk: MR. LESLIE, IT'S OVER! DONE! NOW GET BACK TO YOUR STATION! THAT'S A DIRECT ORDER!
Leslie: ...
Kirk: (sigh) OK, OK... *SIMON SAYS* the game is over and you can go back to your post.
Leslie: Thank you, sir.

 

[Old Trek Guy]

KIRK: So you people have discovered the internet. Let me tell you about something called The Trek BBS.

Chechov: BURP! Those Tribble McNuggets are kicking back at me!

I'm just using him to clean the wall with.

SPOCK: We're dressed to impress chicks.

I can't believe they've heard all my pick up lines!

 

[Ithekro]

Quick stop him! He's starting to sing!

The director keeps calling for faster and more intense.

Kirk: Never fear, Leslie is here.

Scott: I canna change the laws of physics. The fans will be all over that if I did.

1960s era Bynar. Before they changed the makeup for TNG. This is pair 11 and 10. Kirk needs to restart their planetary computer system with the shuttlebay full of punchcards.

 

[Rat Boy]

Sulu: "Pavel, why are you still doing that? The M-5 shut down hours ago."

Chekov: "Because I bit my finger and I'm still bleeding."

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Anan 7; "Captain Kirk, I've heard you're a pretty flatulent guy, any comment on that?"
[Farting sound effect]
Kirk; "Attention subspace listeners..."
[Farting sound effect]
Kirk; "Most of the sounds you are now hearing are not being made by me!"

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Leadhead!

Kirk: Scotty!
Scotty: General order 24 sir?
Kirk: No, don't let anyone look under my bed! And yeah, that thing you said!

Sulu: Pavel, the Captain's merely picking up our dry cleaning. I don't think he will get his shirt ripped off...oh, there it goes.

Kirk: Thanks for helping me calibrate my sideboob peripheral vision, crewman. Now remember, when Spock's mom gets here....

Spock: Have you fixed the transporter, Mister Scott?
Scotty: Oh aye.
Engineer: Boop boop beep beep wee-oh wee-oh.
Spock: Something sounds amiss, Mister Scott.
Scotty: Oh she's purring like a kitten, Mister Spock.
Engineer: Purrrrrrrrrrrr. Purrrrrrrrrrr.
Spock: Then why haven't we been able to beam down yet?
Engineer: BEEEEEEP BOOOOOP BADEEEEEEEP
Scotty: Well sir, the transtator's compensator has...
Engineer: EE-OH EE-OH EE-OH EE-OH
Scotty: - you know with the duotronic converter assembly -
Engineer: WHOOP WHOOP WHOOOOOOOOSH -
Scotty: Oh cram a sock in it will ya, I'm trying to techbabble here!
Spock: Who are you talking to Mister Scott?

Kirk: Now remember, when I snap my fingers and you wake up, every time you hear someone say "Logical" - you say "Douchebag" in unison.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DIRECTOR: Cut! Come on Walter, Kirk is missing and presumed dead. Chekov is upset, yet I'm not seeing it in your performance! Be upset! Be sad! Think of a way to feel it!

TAKEI: Pretend it's not Bill.

 

[hux]

TFTW

Kirk: This is DJ Kirk playing all your favourites and up next we've got Mmmbop by the Hansens.
Guard: Noooo!!

Kirk (OS): There's an invisible alien on board that makes crew members suck it's penis. Everyone be extremely vigilant.
Sulu: Um, Chekov......what are your doing?

Kirk: Oh shit, I left the oven on.

Spock: We're going on a dangerous away mission. A red shirt was supposed to be joining us.
Scotty: Ah, that explains it then.

Kirk: When you wake up, you'll believe that you're cats and that I'm a bowl of milk.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk (whispering): "Look, I'm really not getting anywhere with this guy. Do you have an Anan 6 I could talk to?"

 

[Noname Given]

William Shatner: "Hey what do you know...Bill Cosby was right..."

 

[Ithekro]

Lt. Floorman: Sir, I found the problem.

Scotty: What is it lad?

Lt. Floorman: A Tribble ate the hamster and now there are eleven tribbles clogging up the wheel.

Scotty: Well that takes out the Heisenberg compensator.

Spock: Have you tried rerouting power from the squirrel cage on B deck?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Scotty: "Mr. Spock! I canna believe that came out of your mouth! That doesn't sound like you at all!"
Spock: "Then I'll say it again! 'We saw Lieutenant Wickham run in here! Now, where is he? He's got an ass-kicking coming from the three of us!'"

 

[Avro Arrow]

Spock: Time is of the essence, gentlemen. If we can't get the captain off the Defiant within the next few minutes, he may be trapped there forever.
Technician: Almost done, sir, just a few more minutes.
Scott: Sorry, Mister Spock. I keep tellin' Lieutenant Kyle to nae stick his used gum down there!

 

[Triskelion]

Engineer: Yep, it's plugged in....

 

[Avro Arrow]

Technician: Wait a minute, this is mostly just an empty plywood shell with some lights wired in! How does this even work?!

 

[Nerys Myk]

SCOTT: Step aside, Spock. I'm the engineer here. I don't care what sort of fancy doctorate in physics you might have!

SPOCK: Actually my degree is in horticulture...

SCOTT: Horticulture!!!!

SPOCK: And it's a Bachelor's Degree.

SCOTT: Get the hell out of my transporter room!!!!

 

[Maurice]

William Shatner: "Hey what do you know...Bill Cosby was right..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Chekov: "Could ve hurry this up? I'm cooking like a burrito in this thing."

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Kirk: "Dammit Cosby's been here"