TOS Caption Contest #297: Intensity

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New Contest time!

First up to the plate, we have the "Traditional Ceremonies" Award, going to:

Kirk: "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today because one of these two skipped their injections and the other has a shotgun toting father back home."

Next, we have the "False Advertising" Award, going to:

Spock: Stupid !@#$% Home Shopping Network !@#$% Babe Magnet Kit !@#$% No Returns for discontinued items !@#$%....

Next, we have the "The whole story" Award, going to:

McCoy: "Ah, I see. My apologies for not taking your concerns seriously at first, Yeoman. When you complained the captain was loitering around your quarters, I thought you meant in the nearby hallways. I didn't realize he was loitering around in your quarters."

Next, we have the "Constructive Criticism" Award, going to:

Kirk: Maybe a little easier on the back rub next time, Yeoman

Next, we have the "Hairdos explained" Award, going to:

Kirk: Wait a minute. Where did you get fresh honey for the honey dijon dressing?
Rand: They don't call this 'do a "beehive" for nothing, sir.

The Photoshop Award, goes to:

KIRK: You look familiar. Were you ever in Starfleet?

Rand: Do we really have to have this meeting while you're on the toilet, captain

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, a new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Scotty! General Order 24 in 2 hours!

Scotty: (over comm) Order acknowledged. Saurian Brandy will be delivered in 2 hours.

Kirk: That's General Order 29, you fool!

Chekov: Go for the First down!

Sulu: No, try the field goal!

Spock: Captain, perhaps if you took the time to learn the crewmembers names, they would not ignore you when you speak to them.

Scotty: Are ye crazy? Those suits won't protect you from the vacuum of space!

Spock What will they do?

Scotty They'll give yer iPhone a mighty charge!

Kirk: Dang! It's an episode where the women are interested in Spock!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Chekov: "Meester Scott, if, as you say, the transporter repairs are completed, why is your man still working on it?"
Scotty: "I'm tellin' ye, the transporter is in perfect working order! Do ye trust me or not?"
McCoy: "Not!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Your clothes are ridiculous!

ANAN7: Guards! Seize him! No one insults our fashion sense!

SPOCK: Are you sure these suits will protect us?

SCOTT: Would you rather have the shower curtain ones from Season One?

SPOCK: These will do.

 

[T'Girl]

Kirk: "Scotty, get me out of here. The guy behind me is dancing the Jitterbug."

Scotty: "Ready to beam you down sir."

McCoy: "Shouldn't you be on this side of the control panel?

 

[tharpdevenport]

When You See It, You'll Shit Bricks.


OR


Spock: "Mr. Scott, are you all right? You're heart rate appears to be elevated and perspiration is trickling down your forehead. And your hips appear to be in distress and are spasiming. Was this a bad time? Do you require the doctor?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Scotty! General Order 24! They've stolen disruptors from the Klingons and those lamp things from us!"

Chekov: "Well, looks like Team Japan's wucked."

Sulu: "And the captain's already hitting the celebratory champagne."

Kirk: "U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"

Redshirt: "I'm just hiding the fact that it says 'Starship Class.'"

Kirk: "Oh...well then, carry on."

Scotty: "Suh, do you have any idea how long it takes to untangle the wires on those bloody suits?"

Kirk: "And when I snap my fingers, you'll be enthralled by everything Chekov says. Don't say I never did anything nice for the kid."

 

[Avro Arrow]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Kirk: Gentlemen... it would be easier... to move this table... if the four of you weren't holding it in place!

Kirk: Wait a minute, this isn't Mr. Leslie... it's a Leslie mannequin!?
Spock: Sir, how exactly do you think Mr. Leslie appears in multiple locations on the ship at the same time?

 

[Nerys Myk]

SHATNER: Can't we have my stand-in do this bit?

DIRECTOR: He is your stand in.

KIRK: I thought Leslie was dead!

LESLIE: Braaaaaaiiiinsss

KIRK: damn

 

[Avro Arrow]

Kirk: Leslie?
Redshirt: No, sir.
Kirk: Connors?
Redshirt: No, sir.
Kirk: Rand?
Redshirt: No, sir.
Kirk: Dammit, why did we have to take on so many new crewmembers during that layover at Kamino?

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Kirk: Helloooo! ....*snap*,*snap*.... I said, "Is anybody interested in a threesome?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: It's easy to tell them apart. This one has a moustache!

 

[tharpdevenport]

"Hypnotized already, huh? Good. Well, you'll be coming back to my quarters for a lengthy debriefing, followed by the captain's log..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Chekov: "That's..."

Sulu: "...Conway Twitty. On True Detective."

 

[T'Girl]

Guy on Floor: "It's full of stars"

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: The Captain's gone. I'm in command. Any questions?

SCOTT: When do we leave?

 

[Pauln6]

Why did this always happen when he tried telling a woman about that one time at Band Camp?

 

[Noname Given]

Captain Kirk: "Hey?! What's this?! I called next game on that Xbone console!"

 

[huskers57]

Eminian guard on the right - "Colonoscopy time!!"

Sulu - "Chekov's colonscopy time!"

Intercom - "Captain Kirk report to sickbay for annual colonoscopy!"

Technician under console - "Time for Mr. Spock's colonoscopy!"

Kirk - "OK...they're under. You can start the colonoscopy."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "Who would design gorgeous female android twins...conjoined at the skull?"
McCoy (OS): "Harry Mudd is a sick, sick man, Jim."