TOS Caption Contest #292: Day of the Caption

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Thanks to heavy rain in the SF Bay Area, I've got some extra time on my hands and that means it's time for a new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Jim's Addiction" Award, going to:

Spock: Really, captain? On duty?

Next, we have the "Taking control of the situation" Award,

KIRK: Computer, list me all Russian inventions.

Next, we have the "Repeated Patterns" Award, going to:

Chekov: Why do people keep putting creatures in my ear?

Next, we have the "King Arthur Award for making us sad" going to:

Scotty: "Blueprints and specifications for the Alice series android! My woman troubles are over!"

Next, we had a spectacular running gag and you know that I'm a sucker for running gags. So the "Running Gag" Award, goes to:

KIRK: We'd better get to the tower, Spock.
SPOCK: We have no tower, sir.
KIRK: No tower?
SPOCK: Just a bridge, sir.
KIRK: Why the hell aren't I notified about these things?

And always, a running gag isn't a running gag without participation from others. So the "Runners of the Running Gag" Award goes to the following:

Kirk: Look at that shuttlecraft. It's about to crash! It's flying right over Macho Grande!

Spock: Over Macho Grande, sir?

Kirk: No, Spock, I'm afraid I'll never get over Macho Grande.

KIRK: "Spock! There's a problem with that transporter over there!"

SPOCK: "What is it Captain?"

KIRK: "It's a device that converts our body into energy, and sends or retrieves it from another location, then reassembles it in its original form, but that's not important right now! Mr Lurry, we must get this fixed or we will all die!"

LURRY: "Surely you can't be serious?"

KIRK: "I am serious ... and don't call me Shirley"

JONES: "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit snorting cordrazine"

KIRK: I speak jive....

Kirk: "We'll get you down...and down safe."

*Safe crushes Jones*

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

KIRK: Carol, I told you, what happens in Space Vegas stays in Space Vegas!

Kirk: ... and when you press these two buttons together it puts us into God Mode.

Helmsman: Reading infinite torpedoes... infinite shields. All speeds available through transwarp!

Chekov: No wonder he beat the Kobyashi Maru test...

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, a new contest, where we spend some time with the episode "Day of the Dove!"

Enjoy!

 

[NTRPRZ]

OK, whoever dumped my black-eyed susans from my flower pot, I'm gonna run 'em through!

 

[NTRPRZ]

So, Federation ships are really built out of poster board and Christmas tree lights!

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Kirk to Sulu, Richelieu is here! GET HIM!

Scotty: Laddie, you're tracking something all over my Engineering deck.

Spock: Captain, this is the 2nd time you've hit Chekov this year. I believe his "Hostile Workplace" complaints now have merit.

Kang: Does anyone know how to use these consoles?

Kang: We shall celebrate with Klingon Bloodwine! And it is Klingon Tradition for the First Officer to drink an entire bottle!

 

[NTRPRZ]

Scotty (looking at Sulu's backside): Ohhh myyyy!

 

[Nerys Myk]

KANG: No labels?! How the hell are we supposed to figure out how to run this thing??? Everyone start pushing buttons!

 

[Sir Rhosis]

Ladderwell Scotty is watching you...

 

[T'Girl]

Klingon One: "It's asking for a password."

Kang: "Hit clue."

Klingon one: "Mother's maiden name."

Klingon two: "Try Krullea."

Kang: "Not your mother's name, the ship's engineer's mother"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Kirk (bursting from turbolift): "En garde! Oh, shit, they've got phasers!"

Scotty: "Psst! Hey, fellas! It's a bloomin' sausage fest down in Engineering. Any action up here?"

Kirk: "Dammit, Chekov, I've warned you about this before!"
Chekov: "Scissors, Keptin! You only said not to run with scissors!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

REDSHIRT: Do you think the severed head will show the Klingons we mean business?

SULU: Might be more effective if it was a Klingon's instead of Mr. Scott's.

 

[Nebusj]

Kirk: ``The monsters! They not only knocked the thingy off the wall, they threw a half-full soda cup in the ashtray!''

Sulu: ``Keep looking. We'll find whoever's going 'peep' at us.''

Kirk: ``I may be able to save him. It requires an ancient technique, almost a legend among my people ... the Iowan Toupee Meld. My hair to your hair, my sideburns to your sideburns.''

It's so cute they're taking time in the middle of the invasion to check their fantasy football league standings.

Spock: ``Two blondes walked into a bar, the third one ducked? I don't get it.''

 

[T'Girl]

Kirk: "Okay, there's twenty of them. We'll charge on three, one, two ....

Behind Kirk the red shirt quietly backs into the turbo lift.

 

[Hutchy01]

Sulu: Is that a baton or are you just happy to see me?

 

[Triskelion]

Scotty: Och, you've shanked it, laddie!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Kirk: Ho! Ha-ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust! SPROING!!!!

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk really wish he had more members for his Assassin's Creed cosplay group. And costumes.

Scott: "Is it safe to come out yet."

Sulu: "We'll tell you, we'll tell you."

Spock: "Was it necessary to hit him that hard?"

Kirk: "Hmmmm?"

Spock: "...the blood on the walls?"

Kirk: "Oh, that? That's from when I got stabbed. House keeping's slacking off again."

Kang: "Huh. So that's why phasers sometimes act like photon torpedoes."

Narrator: "Star Trek is filmed before a live studio audience."

 

[Nebusj]

CreepyScott, waiting for someone to ask him about his bairns.

 

[Nerys Myk]

 

[doubleohfive]

KANG: Yes, I'd like an extra large pizza, with gagh --live, please--, pipius claw, and plenty of rokeg blood. Oh, and a six-pack -- no, two six packs of blood-wine.

 

[Rat Boy]

Red Shirt: "Yeah, bridge, he's on one of those benders. Just knocked over a lettuce thing off of a K-Cup machine and he's threatening to stab anyone who gets in his way now."