TOS Caption Contest #292: Day of the Caption

[Maurice]

^^^Their version of "A Fistful of Daleks" was even worse...

 

[doubleohfive]

 

[Nerys Myk]

KANG: I've entered all the relevant data into the computer, Krood and yes, those pants do make your ass look big.

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Kibitzer: No, you need more entertainers to make your citizens happy.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Kang: Yes, is this Klingon High Command?

*snickers*

...Do you have Prince Albert in a can?

 

[Triskelion]

Kang: 'Oh, let's disable all their Fasten Seatbelts signs!' Dammit K'Lahrry!

 

[Rat Boy]

Kang: "Careful. I once saw Kirk be driven mad by many blinking and beeping lights."

 

[Maurice]

You may not have truly experienced Hamlet until you've read it in the original Klingon, but the Klingon adaptation of The Magnificent Seven left a lot to be desired.

And it's especially bad because there are Eight of them in that scene!

 

[doubleohfive]

Oops. I guess somebody had to be Calvera...

 

[Maurice]

Kang: This isn't the engineering control... it's a telephone switchboard!"
Uhura (on intercom): Is this the party to whom I am speaking? Let me connect your call. One ring-y ding-y. Two ring-y ding-ies....

 

[Nerys Myk]

MARA (Over com) Now reroute the power through the EPS conduit to main phase inducers to create a tachyon burst from the deflector.

KANG: The what to the what?

MARA: Push the green button.

 

[Captain Crow]

[explosion]

Kirk: That blowed up good!

Kang: Blowed up real good!

Spock: Uh... Captain. The fireball is coming toward us.

[Kirk bursting out of lift]

Kirk: GET THE HELL OFF MY SHIP YOU SONS OF BI... !

[comic beat]

Kirk: What deck is this?

Redshirt Ron: Deck 7.

Kirk: Shit. Wrong deck.

[dejected Kirk gets back in lift]

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Shatner: Richelieu, beware!

Takei (off screen): Wait—that was my line!

 

[bolak]

KIRK: Camelot!

KANG: CAMELOT!

SPOCK: It's only a model.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win!

Nimoy, thinking: I will never, ever, ever live that damn song down.

Kang: I can't locate any facilities on this ship, Ko'bar. You should have gone before we left the D-7!

Kirk: Pull yourself together, man, oil prices can't stay low forever.

 

[Rat Boy]

The Klingon takeover of the Enterprise was thwarted the moment the boarding party discovered "Too Many Cooks."

 

[Ithekro]

Would you look at this? The entire works of Shakespeare! There is stuff here I've never heard of before. Quickly, make copies of all of it. No matter what happens here, we will still be heroes of the Empire!

 

[Hutchy01]

Thanks for the win!

Nimoy, thinking: I will never, ever, ever live that damn song down.

Doohan: You will ... Bill hasn't released Bohemian Crapsody yet. (I'd like to note I'm a huge queen fan but bill was unbearable)

 

[Rat Boy]

Watching Kor and Ron Tracey get super drunk at the Starfleet-Klingon holiday party was always a hoot.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Kang: Attention, crew of the Enterprise. I now control your engineering deck! Surrender or we will..

Computer (interrupting): Thank you for contacting the USS Enterprise crew. Your call is important to us. Please stand by for the next available petaQ.

(muzak plays)