TOS Caption Contest #281: Who Captions for Adonais?

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "The More You Know..." Award, going to:

Kelley: ... and that's what syphilis will do to you.
Shatner: So, kids, take it from Captain Kirk: practice safe sex.
Nimoy (thinking): I need to fire my agent.

Next, we have the "Legal Problems" Award, going to:

Sulu: "It's the Remakkian Minister of Police, Captain. He says he needs to talk to you concerning their Prime Minister's daughter."
Kirk: "Bones, what's the age of consent on Remakk? It's twenty-one, right?"
McCoy: "Twenty-three, Jim."
Kirk: "Crap!"

Next, we have the "Complicated Controls" Award, going to:

Chekov: No, Keptin. It's definitely telling me to press the ANY key.

Next, we have the "Just can't escape it, can you?" Award, going to:

Kirk, offscreen: Shut up, Wesley!

Next, we have the "Sooooo.... good for us?" Award, going to:

Kirk: Well, gentlemen, another mission successfully completed.

McCoy: And no casualties. At least, not on our ship.

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

BONES: Jim, would you mind if I begin to give some treatments to the two kids in charge of piloting this ship?
KIRK: Treatments? They're sicks?
BONES: No, BUT I'M GETTING SICK OF HEARING THEIR VOICES! Nasonex for Lieutenant Stuffy-Nose and Tennessee whiskey for Ensign Russian-Falsetto!
SPOCK: Illogical, they will not stay long enough on this ship to allow us to see some results.
KIRK: Yeah, they never realised they have VIP access to hidden cameras, I doubt they're promised to long careers on the Enterprise.

"Hi there, I'm Bob Wesley for the Federation Express Card. Don't leave the bridge without it!"

Thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

New contest! Lets go!

Enjoy!

 

[Maurice]

KIRK: Worst. Upskirt. Ever

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Kirk to Enterprise! When I said I wanted you to pick me up, I meant to use the transporter!

Kirk: So we're all agreed, Scotty "bumped his head" with no help from ANY of us!

Spock: Mister Kyle, I would like for you to read these cartoons about Miles O'Brien and how boring it is to be a transporter chief. Tell me how close it is to your life.

Kyle: Why, Sir?

Spock: The Captain wants to know if we need to make your life more boring.

Kirk: Everyone call him "Starbuck" and see if he gets the joke.

Spock: How long?

Uhura: 2 hours.

Spock: Unacceptable, the boxing match starts in 1 hour and we are not going Pay-Per-View again!

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: I got his tricorder, your take his wallet and keys.

SPOCK: It's the standard Landing Party release form. No need to read it.

APOLLO: I will not be ignored!

UHURA: Tell you what, Spock. If I need help, I'll ask you!

 

[Maurice]

^^^I had to get that one in before anyone else thought of it.

BONES: Okay. I've put him under. Now what?
KIRK: Now we put him in Lt. Palamas's miniskirt and see if Apollo goes for it.

SPOCK: Your app does not conform to Apple iTunes standards. Rejected.

CHEKOV: Vurst. Toga party. Ewer!

UHURA: I've descrambled HBO and Showtime again, but this is the last time!

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Uhura: "I've about had it with this water-cooled soldering iron!"
Spock: "Try the lightsaber. Did you find my Thermos?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

McCoy: "I'd give real money if he'd wear pants instead of a toga when he does this."
Chekov: "I think I'm going to need therapy."
Kirk: "Someone go find Lieutenant Palamas. She's gonna wanna see this!"

Kirk: "Let this be a lesson to you, Mr. Chekov. This is the kind of trouble thinking with the 'little head' can get you into."

Spock: "Really, Mr. Kyle? A worker's compensation claim? All I did was shove you aside so I could get to the transporter controls."

Palamas: "Oh, don't mind them. They're just jealous."

Spock: "Shouldn't Mr. Scott be doing that?"
Uhura: "I lost a bet."

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Apollo: "Apparently the freaks don't want no Greeks."

 

[Sir Rhosis]

Ensign Robert Wadlow joins the crew of the Enterprise.

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Chekov: "Keptin, I vas just thinking... vhat if Mr. Spock vere that tall?"
Kirk: "Ensign, that sounds like the dumbest cartoon ever."

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Spock: "Lieutenant, I have orders for your arrest. As of 0800 hours, pompadours are no longer regulation."

Kirk: "Get off my ship! You're a dead duck here."
McCoy: "Wrong episode, Jim."

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: Should the Enterprise be moving that fast?

KIRK: No.

CHEKOV: Should it be in the atmosphere?

KIRK: No.

MCCOY: Should you have left Lt. Troi in charge?

KIRK: No.

 

[Armored Saint]

UHURA: Hmm, is that Vulcan version of Wicked Games I hear?
Spock: Your way of handling a phallic-shaped object is so FASCINATING and LOGICAL!

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: I do not believe that sonic device is Starfleet issue.

UHURA: It's mine. Risian Tickler. 200 credits plus shipping and handling.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Kirk: This Apollo ... he's ... like Christ, wouldn't you say?
Bones: Dammit, Jim! This isn't fanfic. You can't just insert your religious beliefs whenever you want.
Kirk: When we get back to the Enterprise, I'd like to talk to Sulu about his "lifestyle choices."

Kirk: Chekov, did you give him the homemade Vodka?

 

[EnsignHarper]

KIRK: Worst. Upskirt. Ever

Contest over

 

[Armored Saint]

SHATNER: This wig makes you like a four-year-old boy? Don't exagerate, it's not that bad!
DOOHAN: YES IT IS!

 

[Triskelion]

Chekov: Shrinkage was a Russian inwention.

Kirk: No, Bones. Draw it on the forehead.

If you shake my Etch-a-Sketch, I will beam your transporter pattern into space chum.

Scotty can you do anything about that buffalo shot?
I cannae break the laws of physics, Captain.

Spock: You don't handle this tool as well as me.
Uhura: Outside the toolbox, sure.

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Kirk: "Rigellian cassaba fever?"
McCoy: "Haggis."

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

McCoy: "I told you there was an extra organ somewhere."

Spock: "Square Chesterfield?"