TOS Caption Contest #270: The Immunity Caption

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Lets go!

First up to the plate, we have the "Well, that was inevitable" Award, going to:

Nimoy: "After three seasons, my back is fukking killing me."

Next, we have the "LINE!" Award, going to:

Shatner: "... Damn. Sorry."

Production assistant: "'Kirk to Enterprise!'"

Next, we have the "Priorities" Award, going to:

Sulu: "We're being pulled inside! We haven't enough power to break free!"
Spock: "Impact in twelve seconds!"
Decker: "Where the hell is that Scotch bottle?"

Next, we have the "Occupado!" Award, going to:

Scotty: I'm only going to show you this once more, Captain. The red light means the lavatory is occupied. The green light means you can go in. See that? Red means Occupado! Occupado!

Kirk: Do what now?

Next, we have the "Official Engineering Assignments" Award, going to:

SCOTTY: Peephole into Uhura's cabin installed, Mister Spock.

I love it when all the images get tied together well, so this deserves a special award:

Spock: "I'm afraid someone has indeed posted the nude party pictures of you on Spacebook."

Kirk: "Blast it! We have to contain this!"

Kirk: "It's worse than I thought, Spock. Scotty and Washburn have already seen them. Maybe we can keep them from the rest of the crew."

Spock: "Were they as impressed as you assumed they'd be?"

Kirk: "Kirk out."

Unfortunately, it was too late. Never have any two words been as regrettably uttered as "screen on."

Scotty: "They were posted from this workstation, Cap'n."

Kirk: "So someone was able to hack into your computer, eh?"

Scotty: "Uhhh....yeah. Hack."

Kirk: "Scotty, progress report."

Scotty: "It's too late, sir. It's gone viral!"

KIRK: Hilarious, Spock. You're now the Captain and you're leaving. Now beam us up...

Spock? Spock?

Many thanks to all who participated and congrats to all of our winners!

Now, while I'm helping out here and filling in for MANT! I most of the time won't be able to have this start/end on a weekly basis, but I know I won't have any chance along to start/end next weekend, so I'm getting another one started now!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

McCoy: We're out of coffee, so we're just dispensing stimulants today.

Kirk: Scotty! Get a grip! I don't want you to change the laws of physics!

McCoy: Prepare her for surgery.

Chapel: There's nothing wrong with her, Doctor!

McCoy: I know, I need to brush up on a few things.

Spock: Doctor, I will not be emotional, but if you call me a Green Blooded anything, I will very logically use my fists.

Uhura: Captain, incoming message, the pizza will be about 20 minutes late.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Spock: "He's dejected. Lieutenant Sulu took his girl away from him."
McCoy: "Sulu?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

UHURA: Sweetie, I saw you leaving the Captain's quarters last night, you might wanna see if the Doc has an injection for you too.

CHAPEL: Good lord, Doctor! Its just a pair of panties. Stop pretending to read her vitals and do something!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Uhura (sotto voce): "Those aren't really vitamin shots. Some of the girls and I have been chipping in to bribe Dr. McCoy into giving the Captain saltpeter injections."
Blueskirt: "Thank God! Count me in!"

 

[Maurice]

Thanks for the win!

SCOTT: I think I've got Capellan Crotch Crickets, sir.
KIRK: How did you get those?
SCOTT: As drunk as I get, you expect me to remember?

BONES: Another case of Capellan Crotch Crickets.
CHAPEL: Her panties...they're moving. Ew.

UHURA: Did you say Mr. Scott has Capellan Crotch Crickets?
KIRK: Yes. Why?
UHURA: Well, umm...

BONES: You did Uhura, too? Dammit. It's a good thing I keep Space Penicillin on me.

BONES: Now we just have to find the jerk who gave Scotty the Capellan Crotch Crickets in the first pl...are your pants chirping, Mr. Spock?

HUMOROUS MUSIC. CUT TO SHIP EXTERIOR. FAE OUT. THE END.

 

[T'Girl]

Chapel (aside): "Doctor, if the incy-wincy-spider actually gets to the 'water spout,' I'm calling security."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

McCoy: "So we swap your blood with Uhura's. Simple."
Kirk: "And that will make me an acceptable diplomat for the Ligonian delegation?" breaks character...

Shatner: "We're not filming this shit! It's offensive."
Nichols: "Exactly. This is supposed to be a positive future vision of the world, not backwards looking."

Kirk: "Scotty, what is it? You look like your best friend just died."
Scott: "I looked, Captain. I swear I looked. But there isnae any alcohol left."
Kirk: "What?"
Scott: "On the whole ship."

Chapel: "She's pregnant."
McCoy: "Interesting."
Chapel: "She wasn't when she came in yesterday for an ingrowing toenail."
McCoy: "I plead the fifth."

Spock: "It is getting worse, Doctor. He now insists on calling me, Kif. He also wants it announced across the ship's intercom everytime he makes it with a, quote, 'alien hottie' unquote."

Uhura: "Incoming transmission for a, Mike Hunt?"
McCoy chuckling: "That Spock's turned into a right japester."

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Leadhead!

McCoy: This experimental drug will positively alter any criticism at your expense, Captain.

Uhura: And then the jive puppy took out that little puppy in front of the puppy puppy and puppy puppy his damned puppy until the puppy got the space puppies.

Yeoman: That puppy-puppying puppy-puppy!

What do you mean, you need more Lite-Brites! There's not a Toys-Я-Us for light years!

McCoy: Make a note in the log, Nurse. Patient wearing clean underwear. Now we can get started.

McCoy: Blair.
Spock: Jo.
Kirk: ...Tootie.
<Spock raises brow>

Kirk: Send a message to Starfleet, Uhura: Alien...invasion horde...coming. Death...imminent. No...hope. Abandon...planet.

Uhura: A five cent raise is still technically a raise, Captain.

Kirk: Great - and a corn dog is technically dinner?

Uhura: Transmitting message.

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Spock: "It's true, Doctor. If you blow on his head like this (demonstrates) you can see the toupee line."

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Kirk: Antibodies..... AN-TEE-BAH-DEEZ!

Scotty: Cap'n, are ye gonna keep sayin' that to everyone?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "Look, Scotty, we had this talk about Carolyn Palamas. Are we going to have to have it again about Mira Romaine? You can't go around hitting on the junior officers!"

 

[T'Girl]

McCoy: "According to these reading, the patent has wood."
Chapel: "She has wood?"
McCoy: "Look at the front of her miniskirt.
Chapel: "Oh my."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

McCoy (sotto voce): "Nurse Chapel, could you nonchalantly walk back to Exam Bed 1 and see if you can subtly find out if Nurse Jones had a medical reason for removing Ensign Gately's pantyhose?"

 

[ncc71877]

Kirk: "I'd like to give her an injec..."
Mccoy: "I'M going to stop you right there Jim."
Kirk: "ok."

Kirk:"What do you mean, 'I look THICK today'?"

McCoy: "Yes Nurse she's sweaty, I'm sweaty, we're all very sweaty!"

MCCoy: "Why so moopy Jim?
Spock: "The Captain is 'moopy' because Commander Scott said he looked thick today."
Kirk: "...he's the thick one...not me..."

Uhura: "Captain, I've got Richard Simmons on subspace..."
Kirk: "Route it to my quarters Lt."
McCoy: "Really Jim?"

ncc71877

 

[Triskelion]

Kirk: I don't remember posing for that!
Scotty: Well, you did!




And one for posterity:

 

[Ln X]

Scotty: Captain I'm not into that kinky stuff ya know!
Kirk: As your commanding officer you will obey my every whim!

Nurse Chapel: You know it's occurred to me that these miniskirts, the mandatory botox injections and liposuction for fatter members of my sisters is nothing sort of male subjection of the female race!
McCoy: You maybe right... Now pass me my surgery gloves...

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Uhura: "It's Viagra. You'd better beat it."

Uhura: "I don't want to hear any more about Beefaroni or Beefaghetti! They're both so good!"

McCoy: "This woman has the most perfect set of vital signs I've ever seen. I just can't tear my eyes away from them."

Chapel: "No wonder your wife left you."

-

 

[Ssosmcin]

I love it when all the images get tied together well, so this deserves a special award:

Awesomeness, I haven't been a winnah in a while. Thanks for the special mention.

 

[Isis]

McCoy: "You pointy-eared hobgoblin! You people may be logical, but you're certainly not original. Vulcan? That happens to be one of our planets' moons."

Kirk (to self): "I think I'll stay out of this one."