TOS Caption Contest # 266 What is IT??

[UFO]

Rand: What is that thing?

Sulu: I don't know, but it goes 'zip' when it moves and 'bop' when it stops, and it 'whirrrs' when it stands still …

Scotty: I think that I shall never see, a switch as beautiful as thee!

Bones: You mean it’s as cute as a button?

Losira: When I over-heard you guys talking about how you have always wanted a three-some, I thought I'd join you ...

Sulu: But then it wouldn't be a three-some.

Kirk: He's right. Sorry, but it’s simple mathematics.

 

[Mistral]

Scotty: "Who ta hell would build a button that says 'Do nah press' on it? Whoops, I guess that was me. I gotta stop drinkin' before me shifts..."

 

[Mistral]

Rand: "What the hell?"

Sulu: "I could have sworn Chekov killed that space roach six caption contests ago."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Rand: Why is there a watermelon there?
Sulu: ...I'll tell you later.

 

[Isis]

Rand: "Why is Kevin Riley on the floor like that?"

Spock (OS): "I chided Mr. Riley for overdoing the Saurian Brandy. He said he'd wipe the floor with me. I thought it would be logical to be proactive and do so with him first."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Rand: "It's Lieutenant Farrell! Thrashing around on the deck and babbling incoherently!"
Sulu: "He's probably been looking at Medusan porn again!"

 

[Tan Ru]

Sulu: You see? This is the type of thing that happens when you don't have toilets on a starship...

 

[T'Girl]

Sulu: "Why is Kevin Riley on the floor like that?"

Rand: "He's trying to look up my skirt."

Sulu: "Why would anyone want to look up a woman's skirt?"

Rand: "Sulu, we need to have us a long talk."

Scotty: "See, the button is labeled 'reset'."

Russian Ambassador (os): "It actually says 'overcharge'."


(political humor)

 

[Nerys Myk]

RAND: But why would the corridor just end here?

 

[grabthars hammer]

Sulu: Oh my, my Papillon has pooted again! Take care of it, Yeoman.
Rand: Is your name Kirk?

Scotty: Blasted red ring of death!!! Lousy engineers! They promised the XBox 46080 would be different!!!

Bones: Captain, I must do a complete body scan on her! Should take about six hours.
Sulu: I really don't see what the point is, can't we go back to that civilization based on the Greeks again?
Kirk: You two beam back up, I'll take care of things down here.

"The logical course of action would be to pull my finger."

 

[Maurice]

SCOTT: At last I've perfected the History Eraser Button!
CAPTAIN REN HOEK: Don't touch it, you fool!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Scotty: "Och! Th' warp engine auto-destruct button! I'm nae too drunk t' know I'm too drunk t' have this!"

 

[Bob Karo]

MCCOY: According to sensor readings, Captain, they are us!

KirkPrime: Bullshit.

 

[Delta Vega]

Captain, help
I am being sussed out by a large floating circular antiquity

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Kirk Prime: Brothers, we should be struggling together! Surely we should be united against a common enemy!

ALL: THE FEDERATION PEOPLE'S FRONT!!

Kirk Prime: No, the Klingons!

 

[Isis]

Vulcan boy: "It's your fault, Spock. You said it would be logical to join the safety patrol, and now they've gone and given us the kiddie pool shift."

 

[Isis]

Vulcan boy: "Enough of your 'child beauty pageants are illogical, especially for males.' Now that we know there's a decent cash prize, can't you be like Spork here and get with the program?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

"Better wise up, Spock! The way they dress us kids here on Vulcan, having any kind of emotions is just going to make you one seriously f**ked up adult!"

 

[UFO]

Vulcan Boy: Look earth for brains, it wasn’t my idea to wear this getup. I asked my older brother about it and he said it was "traditional".

Spock: What does that mean?

Vulcan Boy: Beats me. All he would say is there are times when Vulcan males have trouble keeping their pants on.

 

[T'Girl]

Stonn: "You have earned my never ending enmity Spock. One day I shall kill you with our peoples tradition weapons, and then take your woman as my own."