TOS Caption Contest #249 Under New Management

[MANT!]

So, per a request from Leadhead..I'll try to fill the position of Caption Contest Guru...

Hope this works...

Kirk: Damn Romulan ale, I got so drunk last night I broke my oath of not fraternising with crewmembers and rode that yeoman like a pony.

Spock: You were more drunk than you think, it was Mr. Kyle.

SPOCK: I'm sure its not what it looks like.

MCCOY: Oh, it's what it looks like alright.

Scotty: "Why'd ye go and wake me up Spock?"

Bum: "Look, pal, I dunno if you're goin' after my spare change or my johnson, but either way it's gonna cost ya a bottle of hootch!"

CHARLIE: "Hey Captain!,... Wanna see me pull a rabbit out of your butt?
KIRK: Oh no, not THAT shitty trick again!

Pike Illusion: So long, sucker.

SULU: Why...it's the closest shave I've ever had!

TROI: Hello Will. Since you were spending so much time in that silly NX-01 program, I started without you.

And now here we go...

Ok Folks..Have at it!

 

[Nerys Myk]

Spock never got over his ''locker room shyness".

 

[MANT!]

Alright Kirk...What's this "Technical Manual" and where is this Commie "Franz Joseph"?

 

[T'Girl]

...

Spock: "This planets historical section? Actually doctor I am already conversant on the subject. First the planet cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then ... "

Spock: "Do pay attention doctor, I could speak for hours on the subject ..."

McCoy quietly walks to the back of the bay and hangs himself with his tricorder strap.

Harry: "Which one is Nicki Minaj?"

Major (through gritted teeth): "Do the words cavity search mean anything to you Kirk?"

From "Return to the Shore Leave Planet."

Giant Spock: "Nurse Chapel, your fantasy is ready, are you?

 

[Nerys Myk]

MAJOR: The blonde in the harem costume, where is she??

KIRK: Wait...what?

SPOCK: Captain? Are you okay?

KIRK: Sorry, LDS flashback.

 

[boco]

Spock: Hurry Up, Mccoy with those clothes,or my naughty mood will go away in a few min

 

[jespah]

Get that sash on quick! We're late for the Miss Enterprise pageant!

The moral of the story is, the next time you fantasize about a foursome, be more specific.

Oh, I do love those berets. I wonder if Starfleet could add them to the standard uniforms.

The bottle said "Drink Me", so I did.

 

[LeadHead]

Welcome aboard MANT! and thanks for the win!

McCoy reacted in frustration to the primitive card catalouge at the Sarpeidion library.

The good news is, there's an off switch. The bad news is Mudd doesn't know that.

Navy Officer: You're real smug, aren't ya? Well, another agency is taking over this interrogation!

Kirk: Giving up, eh?

Navy: It's CTU.

Kirk: *gulp* Okay, I'll talk! Just keep Jack Bauer out of here!

Spock: Oooooooo, it's sweet.

Soda Test Observers: (taking notes) Pleasing taste, some monsterism.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Automats...OF THE FUTURE!!!

 

[T'Girl]

.

Spock: "Logically, we should begin the search at the farthest corner of the building and work our way back to this point."

McCoy: "That will take days, why not begin looking for this "partially open blue drawer" right here?

Spock: "Don't be obtuse Doctor."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: The coast is clear, Doctor. You may remove the Captain's "blackmail" photos from the safety deposit box.

 

[jespah]

The Kardashian sisters had fallen upon hard times by the time Harry Mudd met up with them.

 

[boco]

McCoy: Spock, are you sure this is where their porn magazine section is?
Spock: Absolutely, doctor. But I have no desire to look at what you called "playboy"

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: We might have entered the wrong changing room in error.

MCCOY: Yeah, let's stick to that story.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, MANT!

McCoy: "It's no big deal, Spock. I'll just leave it here in this storage locker like the man said."
Spock: "Still...what a primitive and paranoid culture! 'No large bags allowed in the shopping area,' indeed!"

Major: "Alright, you just saw this finger go up my nose! Now...talk, or it goes up your nose!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Major: If you don't stop making fart sounds with your hands I'm going to put you in front of a firing squad!

Spock: So, this is the infamous "James T. Kirk Baby Daddy Records Repository" I've heard so much about.

McCoy: Actually, this is just the volume one A-AB warehouse of the JTKBDRR.

[Spock raises eyebrow]

 

[Ssosmcin]

Having paid Spock the bribe, McCoy wasted no time in destroying the "Chapel Bones McCoy" sex tape.

Kirk: "Why not, Harry? You're three times the douchebag."

"Here! You wanna know what your mother smells like?" were the last words spoken by the major before Kirk went all ape shit on him.

The laughing "I told you the potion would make it 5 times its size," were the last words spoken by McCoy before Giant Spock stepped on him.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Mudd: "Run for your life, Kirk! It's a planet of robot bureaucrats! Everything comes in triplicate!"

 

[Bob Karo]

"You know what? I'm just going to take the day off! If y'all start talking sense you can find me in the commissary..."

Sometimes, DeForest let the number of stories with the hot alien chick fawning over Spock get to him. Kirk was one thing, being the dashing starship captain and all. But damn, the green blooded alien over the handsome doctor? Sometimes the writers just got silly.

 

[T'Girl]

Air Sergent (thinking): "Yeah, the Major really does have a nice ass. That's right Sir, bend over a little more."

")