TOS Caption Contest #208: Weightloss Tips

[Mistral]

McCoy: "Yeah, Jim, it's great that you have 1,257 Facebook friends-but when are we going to get back to talking about us?"

 

[Mistral]

Virtual Kirk: "Well, this should be easy."

 

[Capt_Pickirk]

Garth: WHAT!!! GARTH DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!!!!

canned laughter

 

[Isis]

McCoy: "Jim, you have to try harder with your diet. If you don't, you'll wake up one day, 50-plus years old, with a spare tire eclipsed only by your double chin."

Kirk: "Me? Never. I can't even imagine it."

Scotty (to self): "Bring on the phasers. I can't take another away mission with these two party animals."

Voiceover by Marta: "Revlon Custom Creations. This shade is mine; go get your own."

Garth (to self): "Well, she's no Jessica Alba. But I guess beggers can't be choosers."

 

[Isis]

McCoy: "Jim, I have some news for you."

Kirk: "And what would that be, Bones?"

McCoy: "You're not too sexy for your shirt."

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "I'm not joking, Jim. That B.O. of yours is probably what brought down all those birds."

Korab: "Yes, I've probed the depths of your minds and came up with a feast you cannot refuse."

Spock: "M&Ms and Reese's Pieces?"

Kirk: "Let's not be hasty, Spock."

Garth: "Actually, I'm pulling a Jack Nicholson from One Flew Over The Cook-coo's Nest, but don't go spreading it around."

Duclare: "It'd be nice if I had a chair."

Mason: "You know, for some strange reason, every time I leave the bridge, you all get rearranged randomly."

 

[Mr. Adventure]

It was a win/lose situation when serving with the hot Skunkan women of Aromus IV.

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "I think this grape just coughed."

Korob: "Dammit, Sylvia!"

 

[T'Girl]

..

Kirk: "My god bone, I do get better looking each day, in fact I do believ that I ...."

McCoy: "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"

 

[Bob Karo]

Steve Ihnat: I may be crazy, but you are absolutely Batshit.

Director(off screen): knock off the ad libbing Steve...

 

[Isis]

Crewman: "Uh-oh, I see some klingons..."

<brief pause>

Crewman: "...She really needs to try new, improved Charmin Extra Strong."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

This was the moment when ass-cuping Bones was born.

Kirk: More to the left, Bones. That's it, now you're milking that prostate.

 

[Gary7]

Thanks for the win, Rat Boy.

McCoy: "C'mon, Jim. That's enough already, it's my turn now!"
Kirk: "Just one more time. This video is hilarious!!"

 

[Gary7]

Kirk: "OMG... this girdle is killing me! I feel like my waist is no bigger than that lieutenant's over there. Hmmmm... speaking of which..."

Garth: "Marta, I am your Lord. You will bring me something that the likes of a carnivore would delight in. No more of this tofu infested vegetarian crap!"
Marta: "I'd very much oblige you, m'Lord, but unfortunately Governor Cory had the whole colony switched to vegetarian--there's no meat anywhere in the food lockers."
Garth: "Damned it all! How pathetic--the Master of the Universe can't even get a piece of meat! Oh well... hmmmm... dear Marta, you look lovely today. Come on over here." (evil grin)

 

[alte]

 

[TrickyDickie]

NO BONES ABOUT IT

Kirk: "What have you got, Spock?"

Spock (on screen): "The handwriting is sloppy and the language is quite obscure, but I have managed to make the following translation: 'I must find the definition of "mint jew lips.'"

Salt Vampire (thinking) Oh shit, they found my damn diary!

Korob: "Sylvia's mother says Sylvia's happy, so why don't you leave her alone?"

Kirk: "Wait a minute, I know this one...."

Spock: "Doctor Hook and Medicine Show."

Kirk: "You damn showoff!"

Scotty: "I can't beam them anywhere."

Garth: "Dammit, Kirk, shapeshifting is my thing!

Kirk: "Yeah, well, about now I think your thing wants to get inside of my shapely shift."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Kirk to bridge..."

Bridge crew: "Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

McCoy: "Next time just use the intercom."

Korob: "If you're not going to eat, then you'll just sit there until bedtime, young men!"

Garth: "Wow, if you stand up against that wall over there, you totally disappear!"

Mason: "Uh, clear the bridge."

Duclare: "Clear the bridge, Captain?"

Mason: "Too late..."

*pfffffffffffffffffffffft!*

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Kirk to Bridge. What's going on?

Spock: Have a look at this Captain.

Kirk: It's a giant spinning cube. What the hell do you need me for? Blow it up and resume course. Kirk out. You know Bones, I really think you should spend more time criticizing Spock, it might help his game a little.

McCoy: Interesting thought Jim.

 

[Gary7]

Korob: "Mr. Spock, I don't know what your dinner table etiquette is like back on Vulcan, but here we use proper utensils to eat our food--not our fingers."

 

[Ssosmcin]

McCoy (thinking): "The bulge is supposed to be in front. Ugh."

Kirk: It's ridiculous what they charge for this tasteless food.

Spock: Jim, this is all an illusion.

Kirk: No way am I leaving a tip.

Garth: BURRRP!

That's when she turned green.

Kirk: Amen.

Doohan: Wait, which plate did I drop the cynanide in?

Nimoy (swallows): There's almonds in this?