TOS Caption Contest #208: Weightloss Tips

[Rat Boy]

I'll give to you straight; it's time for another caption contest. First, let's borrow a wrench from...

Well, he does make a point...

Spock: "Mr. Scott, for however annoyed you may be with my presence and complaints, consider the following: it could have very easily not been me standing here, but rather Sulu. And a lot closer and lower..."

This is supposed to be reassuring?

Kirk: "Don't feel bad, Bones. Unless you're me, nobody gets the woman every time."

Never play with the boss' things...

Lieutenant: Look at me... I'm Captain Kirk. I wear a girdle to hide my tummy from the ladies.

The other security guards begin to giggle.

Lieutenant: He's standing right behind me, isn't he?

And always be careful with things created by government contractors...

Scotty (OS): "Latimer, push the flashing red button. Quickly!"

Congratulations to the winners. This week, we have Kirk getting the bad news, the landing party finally getting a table at the Stinky Gorn, and Garth stopping at his favorite place: Hooters. As bonus, I've thrown in a screengrab from my Star Trek Online adventures. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "What's wrong with me, Doctor?"

McCoy: "Well, for starters, clearly you've never heard of a little invention called deodorant."

Korob: "And will there be anything else or would you like the bill?"

*Scotty bolts*

Kirk: "Dammit, he always does that!"

Garth: "You're...jabbing...the knife...into my thigh!"

Mason: "Anything on sensors, Commander?"

Duclare: "Only a pair of soon-to-be black eyes staring phasers bolts into my ass."

 

[Santa Kang]

KIRK: Weird, this towel looks gold on that screen.

 

[Maurice]

KIRK: No, Spock, Bones doesn't have any regrets about our little tryst. Why?

 

[ItsGreen]

After that Klingon bastard killed his son, the Kirk family reunion
could have really used a smaller catering hall!

 

[ItsGreen]

Personal Log: To prevent premature re-entry, I will attempt to try the
reverse Kobayashi maneuver.

 

[Capt_Pickirk]

Shatner: Deforest, stop looking at my ass

Kelly: What? How did you?..

Shatner: I'm William Shatner, I'm AWESOME!

Kelly: Douche

 

[ItsGreen]

Kirk reviews the lyrics to Moon River before McCoy procedes with the exam!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBsIcRZBh3A

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Garth: "The meat is dry and overcooked, the vegetables undercooked and this wine hasn't been allowed to breathe!"
Marta: "I spent all day on this you bastard! Why I could just explode!"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Garth: "No, that harem dance is getting old. Do that 'Flashdance' thing!"

Kirk: *sigh* "You know the main reason I prefer live-action over animation? Uniform malfunctions!"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Officer: "Ahhh ... I ordered 'Green pees', not green pee..."

McCoy: "Best I can figure it -- your 'awesome' reproduces at will; and brother, does it have a lot of will!"

Spock: Low and to himself, "Hum, green pee. Nommy."

 

[Rat Boy]

Mason: "What the hell?! That guy just flew at those warbirds. He was totally outgunned! Was he trying to get killed?"

Duclare: "It gets stranger, sir. His last transmission was 'Leeeeeeeeeeroy Jenkins.'"

 

[Noname On A Naughty List]

Pavel Chekov could never put his finger on it, but he always felt the Holodecks of the 23rd century seemed to lack a certain level of 'realism'

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Korob: "Nobody gets dessert until everybody finishes their liver!"
Scotty: "Eat, ye borgas frats!"

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Kirk to Bridge.

Spock: Spock here.

Kirk: Why are we on Red Alert?

Spock: A crewmember reported some crazy guy running around with his shirt o- Uhura, Cancel Red Alert.

Korob: I've brought you here for a very important reason.

Kirk: To feed us crappy food?

Garth: Stop being so envious of my food!

Mason: Those TrekBBSers are a so rude, they're always critiquing everything I do on these missions. They're behind me, aren't they?

 

[Bad Atom]

KIRK: Weird, this towel looks gold on that screen.

This has to win.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Thanks for the team win, Rat Boy! And congrats to T'Girl for helping out!

Kirk: Dammit, Spock, Bones was in the middle of my manscaping! Can't this wait?!
McCoy: I'll need a type-II phaser to get all those ass hairs, Jim.

 

[Mr. Adventure]

"Spock, he's a doctor this is perfectly natural."
"Maybe in sickbay, Jim, but in your quarters?"

 

[Smellincoffee]

Kirk: Let's see what had you so interested while I was on the treadmill.
McCoy: That's uh, Yeoman Rand's...physical results.
Kirk, ogling: I see. Wasn't aware you made house calls.
(beat)
Nice bedside manner you've got there, Bones.

Server: How do you like it?
Garth: They are.. -- it is -- ...green.

 

[Mistral]

McCoy: "Jim, it's nice that you are so fit. It's wonderful that you look so good without your shirt, but, well, we're all just a little tired of it..."

Kirk: "This gal calling from Alpha Ceti Five isn't!"

McCoy: "Alpha Ceti Five is dead and gone, Jim. It's why you don't have to worry anymore about that guy Khan coming back for revenge ."

Kirk: "Oh, ok...you know, that doesn't really make sense. We left Kahn on Alpha Ceti Six."

McCoy: "Doesn't make a lot of sense to me, either, but I've had 6 Mint Juleps so not much of anything does make sense, y'know?"