TOS Caption Contest #205: Trying Not To Notice

[Rat Boy]

I hope I'm not disturbing you, because it's time for another caption contest. First, let's tilt one back with...

From the Obvious Department of Obviousness, we have...

Doctor: "Well that confirms it the Andorian Ambassador has the worst case of blue balls ever"

Reading is important...

McCoy: I just read Yesterdays Son, I think you should be careful here Spock.

Be wery, wery, quiet. I'm hunting for Photoshops...

McCoy: "It's dead, Christine."

Chapel: "Oh man, I knew I shouldn't have let Spock get his ponn farr on with me!"

McCoy: "Look on the bright side, Chris... I've got a recipe for rabbit stew that's to die for!!"


.

Chapel: "Oh, Doctor, that's disgusting. What is it?"

McCoy: "Well, unless I'm mistaken, Christine, this is a Pubic Hare."



.

Bones: "Ah...Pubichare Surprise!

Kirk: "What's the surprise?

You don't want to know. Congratulations to the winners. This week, Spock attempts to ignore what Scotty's doing under the table, Kirk simply can't believe his eyes, and the landing party learns that sometimes nudist colonies aren't what they're cracked up to be. Enjoy.

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Really, Doctor? Couldn't we have collected samples in the bathroom?"

McCoy: "Have you ever seen a bathroom on this ship?"

Spock: "Point taken."

Shatner: "Stupid budget cuts. Can't even afford a pair of prop binoculars."

Kirk: "Phasers on stun. Remember, if you're not back at the beam-in site in precisely three hours, you're getting left behind. Now let's go find us some bargains!"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Alien (OS): "Welcome, brave traveler! I see you have brought women and eunuchs to trade!"

James T. Kirk, about to learn that displaying his sensitive side to Commodore Wesley is a bad idea.

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Spock: We have been sitting here, our path blocked by a giant spinning cube for hours.

Kirk: What's your point?

Spock: We suck.

Kirk: Man, these 3 hour shifts twice a weak really make me tired. I'm taking a personal day. So long suckers.

Kirk: Okay, we've got a lot to see today. Make sure to use the buddy system to make sure no one gets left behind.

Spock: We have an odd number of people Captain.

Kirk: Sucks to be you then. Lets go Yeoman.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Thanks for the win

James T. Kirk, had to rub his eyes upon finally seeing the three breasted women of Polymastia 3

 

[Maurice]

SPOCK: Bones never has a 2nd cup at home...

Even Kirk was blinded by his own awesomeness.

KIRK: The transporter seems to be working normally.
SPOCK: Except that I am now wearing the Yeoman's underpants.

 

[Isis]

McCoy: "Gentlemen, you don't have to take this so seriously. It's just a holiday grab bag, and there's a ten-dollar limit to boot."

Kirk: "Mr. Sulu, the bridge is not clothing-optional."

Hostess: "Sorry, to get a military discount at this restaurant, you'll have to show a valid ID."

 

[Captain Crow]

[Scotty lets one rip]

[comic beat]

[Spock sniffs]

Spock: That is horrendous and... Fascinating. I can actually taste it.

[moments later on the Bridge]

Kirk: Whoa! What the fuck is that?! It's burning my eyes!

 

[LeadHead]

Spock: Captain, I regret I am unable to find a solution to the low morale aboard the Enterprise.

Kirk: Bones? Scotty?

McCoy and Scotty: Free Booze!

Kirk: Sold!

Kirk: I told you I didn't want to ever see The Jersey Shore again!

Kirk: I am Captain Kirk, this is my First Officer Mister Spock, that's Who'sit, What'shername and Forgetabouthim.

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "How the hell do we know he's not stacking the deck?"

Kirk: "Where am I? Last thing I remember was being in Helen Johansen's quarters..."

McCoy: "Wonderful stuff, that Romulan ale."

Kirk: "All right, let's try this again. If prison inmates in the Philippines can do 'Thriller,' then so can we."

 

[Maurice]

SPOCK: Shit. I left the iron on!
BONES: So?
SPOCK: On Vulcan!

KIRK: (yawning) I must've nodded off. Anything happen while...?
ILIA PROBE: YOU ARE THE KIRK UNIT, YOU WILL ASSIST ME.
KIRK: Well, shit.

KIRK: So, I hear the Federation Council repealed Don't Ask Don't Tell.
REDSHIRTS & REDSKIRT: Sir, there's something we've been meaning to tell you.

 

[Gary7]

Spock still had a hard time believing "it's not butter."

Kirk: (thinking) Man, those late nights at the Officer's Club are starting to catch up to me. Gotta lay off the booze on work nights...

Lt. Galloway: (thinking to himself) I am not the typical red shirt. I am not the typical red shirt. I will not die on this mission!

 

[Isis]

Spock: "I just realized I could have saved a bundle on my car insurance."

Kirk (to self): "Gorn or no Gorn, I really have to be more careful about changing my contacts."

Spock: "Doctor, I'm so glad we found your Emergi-Med facility. As you can see, the gentlemen all the way over on the right, Ensign Redshirt, has an unknown insect species up his posterior, and in addition, our Captain's inability to get over himself has flared up."

 

[Isis]

Kirk (to self): "Uh-oh. Don't tell me I'm allergic to that new guyliner."

 

[Isis]

Kirk: "So, Mr. Spock, your computer calculated that the odds are 12.53 to 1 that masturbation causes blindness? Ridiculous. That old wives' tale is pure bunk."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk (OS): "Spock, I'm afraid I must insist that you stop bringing your portable broadcast monitor to staff meetings! You can TIVO your 'stories' and watch them later!"

Alien (OS): "Oh, my God! Is that...is that Lucy Liu?"
Spock: "No. It is Yeoman--"
Kirk (interrupting): "Yes! Yes, this is Lucy Liu! I am dating Lucy Liu! Spread that around, willya?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "This is the worst productions of Riverdance I've ever seen. Michael Flatley you are not."

 

[Isis]

Spock: "Doctor, why haven't we done this before? Your Earth custom known as a Tupperware party is fascinating."

 

[Gary7]

Scotty: "Cap'n, we gotta do something 'bout the coffee."
McCoy: "Agreed. It tastes awful and there's not nearly enough caffeine. Even Mr. Spock can't stay focused. Isn't that right, Spock?... Spock?"

 

[Gary7]

Spock: "Is this supposed to be some kind of joke?"