TOS Caption Contest #189: Take a Load Off

[Rat Boy]

Running a little late, so let's kick off a new caption contest. First, of course...

For spit takes, our winner is...

Doctor: One more Captain.
Pike: I hate this.
Doctor: I know, but until we get the urinealysis machine fixed you've got the most sensitive tastebuds.
Pike: That reminds me, did Ensign Jefferson get her anti-biotics?

And for beating me to the joke (again), our winner is...

Roddenberry (OS): "Well, I see one of you chose to just totally disregard my request for no bras on the soundstage!"
Paul Fix: "...Sorry...I didn't get the memo..."

For the upside of a problem, our winner is...

Spock: It's killing the Captain!

McCoy: I know, isn't it great?

For a mixup at the dry-cleaner, our winner is...

Don't look now but your shirt color changed after going through that barrier.
Not sure what it means but I hope you got paid for this episode!

Congratulations to the winners. Here's what's on tap for this week and enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Diamond Jim: "Never get high on your own supply."

Kirk: "Where'd you get those cubes?"

McCoy: "From the Kelvans, why?"

Kirk: "Uh oh..."

Scotty: "Ach, this one must be Chekov because it tastes like vodka!"

Gary Seven: "Wait a minute...I have a keyboard...and I have a cat. I just got me an idea..."

 

[LeadHead]

Nimoy: Okay, where is my Bike?

Shatner: I think you need to change your tone Leonard...

Spock: Please join us Captain.

Kirk: Who cooked this crap?

Spock: We were supposed to cook it?

Gary Seven: Man, I really need to just get an iPhone.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Typewriter: "But I am a sentient machine, Gary. And I love you!"
Gary: "Forget it. I know your type."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Now then as you know, the Kelvans have left us with no female crew. Therefore, as captain, I call dibs on Kelinda."

McCoy: "Shit!"

Gary Seven: "Memo to the Aegis: I shall require a new assistant since Isis has eloped with Morris the Cat."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Typewriter: "But I am a sentient machine, Gary. And I love you!"
Gary: "Forget it. I know your type."

Kirk: How's it shakin', -- who's this, then?
Guinan, OS: Uh...'Gloria'. From 'Cleveland'.
Kirk: Don't know ya. But eh, you's a nice-lookin' broad, so how's about you and me -
Guinan: ..I think I'm on the wrong Enterprise.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I RUN THIS SHIT.

 

[T'Girl]

Kirk: "NO ones eats until I find out who stolen the strawberry's."

Spock (os): "Let me get this straight, you are going to send your superiors a report on paper?"

Seven: "Yes."

Spock (os): "How are you going to get it to them?"

Seven: "Uhmm ... I was going to sent it US Post of course."

Spock (os): "Fascinating."

.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SCOTTY: Stop sulking, I'm sure there's a logical reason for the age limit on Happy Meals.

SPOCK: I just wanted the toy.

 

[Rat Boy]

Diamond Jim: "Yes, I'm fully aware there's a statue of a naked man right in front of me, but I'm so secure in my sexuality that..."

Whiskey Lips Sulu (off camera): *cough*"Bullshit!"*cough*

McCoy: "What's wrong, Jim?"

Kirk: "Remember those stories about hentai tentacle rape? The Kelvans are into it."

Gary Seven: "Ah crap, I forgot to turn this thing off when Isis and I had our three-way with Ms. Lincoln last night."

*looks closer*

"'Sixty-nine me, Mr. Seven?' What the hell does that even mean?"

 

[Captain Crow]

Spock, dejected: She took my eggs.

Spock, sarcastic monotone voice: MMMMMMMM. Year old reconstituted meatless meatloaf.

Spock, dejected: Jim, how could you of all people forget about my birthday party.

Kirk: Look how many times do I have to tell you I'm sorry. Besides I was busy doing something at the time.

Spock: What?

Kirk: Helen Noel.

 

[LeadHead]

Viewers: This is what we have to look forward to next year?! We need to start writing letters.

 

[Rat Boy]

Diamond Jim: "Where's Carl? You might say he's developed a severe case of bag of cats on his head."

 

[F. King Daniel]

KIRK: "I know you're upset that Uhura left you, Mister Spock, but you need to learn that life goes on!

SPOCK: (*stares at tabletop*)

McCOY: Ha! You're the "Bones" now! All she left you was your stare. We're gonna call you "Stare" from now on!

KIRK: Quiet Bones! Can't you see that Stare is in pain! That his heat is crushed!

SCOTTY: Can I be "Scotch"?

 

[Gary7]

Kirk: "Yeah, I'm dah boss now, fellas. So, gimme an advance on my twenny percent. I need ta buy me some new office foiniture."
McCoy: "Jim, I've had just about enough of your rampant egotism. I'm outta here."

Kirk: "Spock, the replicators won't produce any meat. No beef, chicken, pork, what have you. Did you lock it into vegetarian mode again?"

Gary Seven: "Wait a minute... the badge on that typewriter... it's an IBM Selectric model 251!"

 

[T'Mar]

Big pimpin, spendin' the bars of gold-pressed latinum...

Scotty: What are these?
McCoy: They're called Popplers, Spock. Some delivery company in New York discovered them and they're the new craze.
Spock: I have a problem with these Popplers...

No matter how many times he shot his most seductive glance at her, no matter how many flowers he brought her, the typewriter remained as grim-faced and stoic as she had always been.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Kirk:"Yo Girly come over here and say hi to my little friend"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk:"Yo Girly come over here and say hi to my little friend"

Kirk (Cont'd): But I's gots to warn you — it ain't so little.

 

[Captain Crow]

Kirk:"Yo Girly come over here and say hi to my little friend"

Kirk (Cont'd): But I's gots to warn you — it ain't so little.

Kirk (Cont'd): And afters a fews minutes it spits.

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "Weren't you supposed to be on that date with the new yeoman?"

Kirk: "I was until I found out that there's a reason they're called yeomen not yeowomen."