TOS Caption Contest #187: Fine Living

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "I am sorry, I cannot hear you over the sound of how logical I am."

Scotty: "All I want to know is what's the guy's name on first?"

Kirk: "No, who's on first and what's on second."

Scotty: "I don't know."

Both: "Third base!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

BUGS: I knew I should have taken a left turn at Albuquerque.

 

[Rat Boy]

BUGS: I knew I should have taken a left turn at Albuquerque.

Daffy Duck (off camera): "What a way for a duck to travel; in a Jeffries tube!"

Scotty: "No, no sir. If you wanna parade around the stage like Mick Jagger, ye got to put your hands on your hips like this and stick your chest out while you're struttin'."

 

[jep]

Scotty: "Now Captain, you know that if you want to sing show tunes, we have to invite Sulu. You remember what happened last time."

Kirk: "Like I could forget a grown man screaming about "Liza"... Sulu is such a drama queen."



.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SCOTTY: I thought we had agreed that I would sing lead.

KIRK: But that means you'd have more lines than me.

 

[Rat Boy]

Nerys Myk beat me to the punchline, but here goes:

Doohan (as Wesley): "Mr. Scott, you must find Captain Kirk and the landing party at once!"

Doohan (as Scotty): "Aye suh! Mr. Arex, begin scanning the planet."

Doohan (as Arex): "Yes, Mr. Scott. Wait, I have something. Relaying the coordinates to the transporter room."

Doohan (as Scotty): "Transporter room, energize!"

Doohan (as Kyle): "Aye sir. Wait, it's an Andorian!"

Doohan (as Thelin): "I am Commander Thelin. If you wish to rescue Captain Kirk and the others, you must do..."

Shatner: "Wait a minute; you only took all these other parts just to get more lines than me!"

Doohan (as Scotty): "Aye."

 

[Nerys Myk]

Hey! Your post has more lines than mine!!!!

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Scotty: "Sir I know what ye been up to"

Kirk: "Huh?."

Scotty: "I can smell her on ya, ya dina shower before ye left her quarters"

Spock: "A hem, Leave my bike alone."

Scotty: (Thinking) "Aakk! I'm Blind! Sulu's wearing the ass-less chaps"

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Whack-a-mole on the Starship Enterprise.

 

[Mistral]

Scotty: "Oh, aye, sir, I could make the engines work but..."

Kirk: "Fine. The case of Scotch will be in your quarters by dinnertime."

 

[Mistral]

Thanks for the win!-Mistral

Scotty took one look and decided Kirk was still upset about the whole 'anti-gravity-floorplates-in-the-restroom' gag he'd pulled.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "I don't get it. I've tried everything to get with Uhura, Rand, Helen Noel, and Marlena Moreau, but you score with Palamas and Romaine without breaking a sweat."

Scotty: "What can I say? The lasses just love tossing me caber."

Spock: "Yes, would you mind picking up my stylus off the floor, Lieutenant?"

Uhura (off camera): "Certainly, Mr. Spock."

Spock: "Oh yeah, that's the stuff."

Scotty (thinking): Will they move? Damn lads in engineering made off with me kilt again and I need to get pants from my quarters!

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Scotty (singing): "We're knights of the round table,
We dance whene'er we're able
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable......"

 

[ItsGreen]

Just a "little" something I got for Lieutenant Romaine.
Lieutenant Palamas already got hers.

 

[TeaKirk]

(Kirk and Scotty singing)
Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Okay, lets work the order of rank here. For the first half of Season 1; I leave Sulu in charge, for the rest of the series; I leave you in charge. If we ever do movies; Sulu gets left in charge.

Scotty: That's too complicated, you should leave Chekov in charge if we ever get taken over by Spock's wierd brother.

Spock: Ah, logic. It makes me so happy. Wait.

Scotty: You know if you guys are supposed to be guarding Engineering, you might want to watch the doors and entrances.

 

[Nerys Myk]

TOS SCOTTY: I think we're being upstaged.


I hope Rat Boy recalls this jam session shop.

 

[Rat Boy]

I just love the "Make It Stop" look on Troi's face. And now for a multi-part entry:

Scotty: "And then he said, 'Picturesque descriptions will not mend broken circuits, Mister Scott.' What a douchebag."

Kirk: "I know! Just the other day on the bridge, he said..."

Spock: *ahem*

Scotty: "Wait for me, suh!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Scotty: When I said I wanted to go down, this is not what I meant, laddies.

 

[milo bloom]

Kirk: Okay, lets work the order of rank here. For the first half of Season 1; I leave Sulu in charge, for the rest of the series; I leave you in charge. If we ever do movies; Sulu gets left in charge.

Scotty: That's too complicated, you should leave Chekov in charge if we ever get taken over by Spock's wierd brother.

Kirk: Though I'm not even sure why you want to be second officer, you don't like being in command.

Scotty: It's the sweet spot between extra responsibility and extra tail. Why, even an android second officer could get with the honeys at second officer.