Kirk: "Okay, here's a good one! Two gay guys walk into a bar..."
Sulu: "Oh! Been there, done that!"
TOS Caption Contest #178: The Big Cheese
- Thread starter Rat Boy
- Start date
Kirk: "Okay, here's a good one! Two gay guys walk into a bar..."
Sulu: "Oh! Been there, done that!"
LENORE: I like your ship.
KIRK: I like your ass. Wanna sit on my face?
WESLEY: Jim and I used to toss salads for the Old Crikeys back at the Academy.
KIRK: Great. Facing down an enemy...and my crib notes for dealing with the bastards just sweated off my palm...
KIRK(Thinking) Sham-WOW...
Kirk: "Okay, here's a good one! Two gay guys walk into a bar..."
Sulu: "Oh! Been there, done that!"
KIRK: Seriously, guys...I'm at a total loss here.
What should we do?
SULU: Surrender? And hope they take prisoners?
SCOTTY: Acccch, you're no bloody help, lad!
LENORE: I need to freshen up before the performance...does this ship have a ladies' room?
KIRK: Are you kidding? We don't even have a MEN'S room.
Kirk: "Essex? I'm sure they meant the Yorktown. Yes, the Yorktown. You know, the ship with the captain who thinks because he's older than me means he's better than me. Insufferable prick."
Lenore: "What the hell are you talking about?"
Wesley: "No, you're wrong. It's the Essex."
Kirk: "And how would you know?"
Wesley: "Because Rat Boy finally finished his first draft and I'm in it, dammit!"
KIRK: I believe you know Commodore Wesley.
SPOCK: Commodore. Did your rectum heal properly following our last encounter?
Thanks for the win!
Kirk: "I hear you've had your Jeffries tubes tied."
Kirk: "And besides the physique, you notice the eyes? Infinitely more lifelike!"
Spock: "Yes, Captain, your John Kerry android is far superior to the original."
Kirk: "Now if I could just give him a personality."
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LOST Spoiler Alert
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Kirk: "So they all died in the crash, right? The island was just purgatory?"
Sulu: "No, sir. Everything on the island was real. The Sideways universe was purgatory."
Kirk: "And why wasn't Vincent in the church?"
Scotty: "Borgas frat!"
Kirk: "I hear you've had your Jeffries tubes tied."
Kirk: "And besides the physique, you notice the eyes? Infinitely more lifelike!"
Spock: "Yes, Captain, your John Kerry android is far superior to the original."
Kirk: "Now if I could just give him a personality."
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LOST Spoiler Alert
.
.
.
.
.
Kirk: "So they all died in the crash, right? The island was just purgatory?"
Sulu: "No, sir. Everything on the island was real. The Sideways universe was purgatory."
Kirk: "And why wasn't Vincent in the church?"
Scotty: "Borgas frat!"
KIRK: Nice coat.
Did we run over a sehlat or something?
SULU: Bad news, sir.
The blinky lights that nobody can interpret just went kaput.
Kirk: Mr. Sulu, where is the instrument that goes "ping!"?
Sulu: Captain, that instrument doesn't actually do anything.
Kirk: And Scotty, bring out the most expensive machine on the ship in case Commodore Wesley shows up.
Scotty: Borgas frat!
Captains Log, The USS Essex was mysteriously damaged and somehow the Enterprise was in range to take the contestants for the Ms. Universe Pageant to their destination.
Kirk: Bob! What are you doing here? Now get off the transporter, the answer to my questions was supposed to be here.
Spock: Uh.... Captain....
Sulu: Captain, we haven't gone through the galactic barrier in awhile. Wanna go?
Kirk: We're supposed to do that only once a season, just be patient until Season 4.
Lenore: Oh, this little ol' thing. I had it made outta granny's bushy pubes.
Kirk: "No, seriously, how many rats died to make that dress?"
Kirk: "And besides the physique, you notice the eyes? Infinitely more lifelike!"
Spock: "Yes, Captain, your John Kerry android is far superior to the original."
Kirk: "Now if I could just give him a personality."
Spock: "It's only been two hundred and fifty years since the original, Captain. Science hasn't advanced that much."
Kirk: I've always wanted to met you Commadore Wesley. Would you do me the honor of shaking my hand?
Wesley: I don't shake hands with pussies.
[Turns and spits. Comedy spitoon sound effect]
Spock: That's good to hear Commadore. We've already gotten at least 242 sexual harrasment complaints against Captain Kirk for doing that this week.
Kirk: Spock, I'd like to introduce you to Commadore... um... ah. What was it again?
Commadore, flatly: 64.
[Spock chortles]
Commadore: What the fuck is so fucking funny you pointed-eared jackass?
Spock, attempting to keep a straight face: Nothing at all, Commadore 64.
