TOS Caption Contest #178: The Big Cheese
- Thread starter Rat Boy
- Start date
Kirk: Easy, gentlemen, I'm sure we can resolve the issue. Just let me get this straight. Mr Wesley, you are complaining that Mr Spock here squeezed your buttcheeks and jerked off, like this....
Kirk, thinking: Crap, how exactly does Spock do this Vulcan greeting thing again?
Or animated:
Kirk: Easy, gentlemen, I'm sure we can resolve the issue. Just let me get this straight. Mr Wesley, you are complaining that Mr Spock here squeezed your buttcheeks and jerked off, like this....
Kirk:Sulu, what's this doing on my chair?
Scotty, thinking: Whoa, that's big!
EDIT: Damn you, hosting sites. It's a bloody ROCK.
Kirk: Easy, gentlemen, I'm sure we can resolve the issue. Just let me get this straight. Mr Wesley, you are complaining that Mr Spock here squeezed your buttcheeks and jerked off, like this....
Kirk:Sulu, what's this doing on my chair?
Scotty, thinking: Whoa, that's big!
EDIT: Damn you, hosting sites. It's a bloody ROCK.
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Kirk: "Og course I'll subspace call you..." quietly through smiling teeth, "will somebody get her off my ship already?"
Kirk: "... and then he said he'd subspace call her, and ordered the 'bitch off my birdge'. You should totally kick his ass. Not mine though."
The movement had been so quick, Kirk was still quite in shock, and Scotty was unsure he had even seen Sulu pull his pants down, remove his underwear, get a bonner, and place it in Kirk's left hand before covering back up. Schekov, however, had seen the whole thing...
Kirk (thinking): I can have her out of the in 0.005.
Wesley: "What was that Mister?"
Spock: "You heard me sir"
Kirk: (Bitch slaps the Commodore)
Kirk: (reads cheat notes on hand) "Oh yeah?"
Sulu: "What, sir?"
Chekov: (under his breath) "He knows"
Scotty: "Borgas frat!"
Crossover fun
SULU: Oh my!
REDSHIRT: Yes, the new bridge can be a bit over whelming.
SULU: The bridge? I was talking about Chekov's hair! Seriously, what's up with that?
CHEKOV: I changed my hair.
SULU: (thinking) Whoa, that's not creepy. Yep transfering to the Physics Dept. Not gonna spend five years sitting next to that guy!
SULU: Still suffering from the side effects of that injection the Doc gave you?
KIRK: What?
SULU: You're looking a bit....er, puffy.
KIRK: WHAT?!
CHEKOV: This can't end well.
SULU: Oh my!
REDSHIRT: Yes, the new bridge can be a bit over whelming.
SULU: The bridge? I was talking about Chekov's hair! Seriously, what's up with that?
CHEKOV: I changed my hair.
SULU: (thinking) Whoa, that's not creepy. Yep transfering to the Physics Dept. Not gonna spend five years sitting next to that guy!
SULU: Still suffering from the side effects of that injection the Doc gave you?
KIRK: What?
SULU: You're looking a bit....er, puffy.
KIRK: WHAT?!
CHEKOV: This can't end well.
Kirk: "Commodore I implore you, you just can't win a stare out against a Vulcan."
Kirk; "Commodore please, when Mr Spock said the Lexington's emblem looked like a pansy he meant nothing more by it."
Wesley: "So you're a Vulcan, eh? Well, this is a rare pleasure, Mr. Spock! I've never kicked a Vulcan's ass before!"
Kirk: "Love the bare shoulder look! You wouldn't believe how many shirts I ruin in a week just to get that look!"
Kirk: "HEH ... HEH ... you wanna see my 'captain's log'? HEH HEH..."
OR
Kirk: "HEH ... HEH ... you wanna see my 'penis rock'? HEH HEH..."
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Lenore: "My goodness, when you tapped me on the shoulder I noticed that you have very warm hands."
Kirk: "I didn't use my hands to tap you on the shoulder."
Lenore: "I don't understand... how did you tap me on the shoulder if you didn't use your hands?"
Kirk: (Bigger smile)
.
MIRROR KIRK: Ah, Spock was just pointing out those shirts are for the female crewmembers.
Kirk: "Lenore, there's no way that's real mugatu. You really need to be more careful about what you buy on ebay."
Spock: "Tell him, Sir."
Kirk: "I don't care how many centuries ago it happened. You should be mortified to prance around in that BP insignia."
Kirk: "If I've told Spock once, I've told him a thousand times that I can't get the hang of this texting thing. Sulu, what does 'U R not reaching, Hrbrt' mean?"
Kirk: It's really too bad, if you had let me chase you things would be different. I hate pushy women. They scare the hell out of me.
Kirk: What happened to your uniform?
Wesley: Nothing! My crew and I all wear our uniforms two sizes too small. We like to keep a tight ship.
Spock: Ok, that was funny.
Wesley: I wasn't joking, Vulcan.
Scotty (to himself): Again, they are jawing instead of working. It's a bloody wonder we don't fly into a star.
Kirk (quickly glances at gloves): Please tell me they're for the dishes....
Kirk: ..and my first officer, Mr Spock.
Wesley: Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your daughter... 's wedding...
Kirk: Er, yes, well...
Wesley: ...on the day of your daughter's wedding...
Spock (whispering to Kirk): Captain?
Wesley: And I hope their first child be a masculine child.
Kirk (muttering): Another batshit looney Flag Officer...
Kirk: This way to you quarters, sir.
Wesley: I pledge my ever-ending loyalty.
Spock: ...Mummy...
Scotty: Y-y-you mean.......?
Kirk: You know, faygeleh.
Scotty: Borgas frat!!
Sulu: Kissy-kissy, kilt boy.
