TOS Caption Contest #147: Woman Troubles

[Rat Boy]

Noel: "You're not going to use the same 'The Dodgers didn't make the World Series' excuse again, are you?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Noel: "'Nude jumping jacks'? There's no regulation demanding that."

Kirk: "Your quarters smell of peat. Spock smells of peat. But you say Spock's not here?"
Noel, moving to block closet door even more: "Nope. Uh, maybe I farted."

 

[John Picard]

Noel: "What's the matter, Captain?"
Kirk: "I could have sworn I saw something out the window, on the pylon."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Actually, I sent my stuntdouble to that Christmas party.

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Hmm. I would have sworn that at that Christmas party, I fucked a guy."

 

[John Picard]

Noel: "I didn't get out of Sick Bay until five minutes ago, so I couldn't have been behind the glory hole."

Kirk: <muttering to himself> "Mister Sulu..."

 

[Shatmandu]

Noel: "Oh, Adam's Apples are easy to remove surgically ..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

NOEL: Are you sure it was "Don't stop!", because it sounded like "Oh Spock!" to me.

 

[DrBob]

Kirk: "Your quarters smell of peat. Spock smells of peat. But you say Spock's not here?"
Noel, moving to block closet door even more: "Nope. Uh, maybe I farted."

(Noel ducks her head into the closet)
Yeoman Peat: <hissing> "I smell? You're ripping worse than Spock after a double plomeek!"
Spock: <muffled> (Under bed) "I heard that..."

 

[DrBob]

Noel: "Nice Assless Chaps!"
Kirk: "Um, yeah. Regulation issue. I have to keep my hands here to stay warm though."
Noel: "You can borrow my new ass-rubbing clone if you want."
Kirk: "No.. no-no, the last one McCoy made was a right weirdy, calls himself Grignak now, works in a fishy coffee shop... <shudders> I'll stick with the jumping jacks for now to stay warm."

Note: btw does the JJ in Abrams' name stand for Jumping Jacks

 

[Maurice]

METRON: As punishment for fighting you two will now hold hands and run laps!

 

[Rat Boy]

Noel: "I thought you liked doing the Eiffel Tower."

Kirk: "Yeah, but you put me in the middle!"

 

[Isis]

Kirk: "Your great-grandfather saved my great-grandfather hundreds of dollars in car insurance."

 

[NTRPRZ]

Kirk: One of yours?

Gorn: Nope.

Kirk: Damn.

 

[Nerys Myk]

GORN: Call me "sleestak" one more time.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "You dated me, you kissed the Captain. Next thing I know, you'll be sniffing Scotty's jock looking for action ..."

Dr. Noel: "Maybe our safety word shouldn't be 'DEEPER', then."

Kirk: "You seen a toilet? I gotta take a wicked shit ..."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Gorn: "You what? You left the keys in it?!"

Kirk: "Well...yeah...so, if you got back first, you could turn on the A/C."

Gorn: "You left the keys in it!" *throws up hands* "Well that's just great! The fucking Jawas have got it, for sure!"

 

[M'Sharak]

KIRK (thinking): Uh-oh, was I supposed to bring the pizza? : (thinking) GORN

 

[John Picard]

Noel: "... So, what do you think about that? Hot, huh?"

Kirk: "A threesome with you, me, and Mister Spock? I'm concerned one of his penises will find another entrance -- that being my bunghole."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "I'm going to be really pissed if that kid isn't in that fucking balloon."

Gorn: "Me too."