TOS Caption Contest #144: Hands-On Treatment

[T'Girl]

.

Kirk: "I love you."

Shaw: "I know."

And she's lowered into the carbonite


.

 

[Isis]

Kirk (OS): "I thought you said you wouldn't touch this planet's surface with a ten-foot pole."

Spock: "Correct."

Kirk (OS): "Then what are you doing? That looks like a ten-foot pole to me."

Spock: "Ten point seven zero five."

 

[scottydog]

Spock: "Lieutenant Uhura, I see that your tampon string is showing."

 

[Shatmandu]

Dr. McCoy, Cubs fan.

Leila: "Stand up and talk to me."
Spock: "I ... cannot ... as my testicles are stuck in a gopher trap."

 

[Triskelion]

Not only will I bring this yeoman into sharper focus, but I, the Amazing Spockini, will make her Risan Creeping Cringe flare up before your very eyes!

Reger: Maybe we shouldn't put any more swords into the magic box just yet.
Amazing Spockini: A logical suggestion.

Amazing Spockini: You hailed?
Kirk: How about the disappearing yeoman trick?
Amazing Spockini: <looks at yeoman>
Yeoman: <sighs> Deck seven.
Amazing Spockini: ALAKAZAM! <doors close>

HE SWINDLED YOU! THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS MAGIC INVISIBLE CONDOMS!

Looking for a rabbit for your act, Amazing Spockini?
Negative. My next act will require a potato that resembles either Mrs Slocombe or Conway Twitty.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: A great-great-great ancestor of mine, Paris The Great, was also fond of wearing capes.

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Why do I have to always wear the weird shit when we go on landing parties? Why can't you dress up like a Rastafarian or in a zoot suit or something?"

 

[scottydog]

Amazing Spockini: "The next time I swallow this sword, I shall endeavor to miss my vital organs."

Reger: "That goddam thing was a vital organ until Triskelion photoshop altered it!"

 

[scottydog]

Leila: "Cheer up, Spock. So your career as a magician didn't work out. You'll find another hobby."

Spock: "But I so wanted to make Shatmandu disappear."

 

[Rat Boy]

Where will you be when Uncontrollable Diarrhea McCoy returns?

 

[seigezunt]

MORE BRAINS!!!!!!!

 

[seigezunt]

Spock: Affirmative. I did steal this kishke.

 

[Isis]

McCoy: "I said two alarm chili, not ten!"

 

[milo bloom]

"Dammit Jim! You were wrong! JJ Abrams *did* sneak into my cabin and steal all my original series DVDs!"

 

[DrBob]

Bones: "Imhotep! ... IMHOTEP!"

-or-

Dr. McCoy, Simian Rage.

Reger: "Whats long brown and sticky?"
Spock: "A stick."

Spock: "You asked me to come out here to plow your furrow" <raises eyebrow>

-or-

Spock: "Remarkable crop and farmyard you have developed here Leila."
Leila: "Yes, I'm out-standing in my field."

-or-

Spock: "Shittin' in their gopher holes is the only way to get rid of the little feckers."
Leila: "True, except thats the sprinkler system, which is set to go off in 3..2..1..."

Spock: "Almost red hour, were going out for shits and giggles, dont wait up!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Airlock?"
Kirk: "Yep."
<doors shut>

McCoy, after finding out Kirk has been farting into his pillow for years.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

McCoy, after finding out Kirk has been farting into his pillow for years.

McCoy: You're the reason I have pink eye!!

McCoy: I told you that space was disease and danger but you wouldn't believe me, wouldn't you?! WOULDN'T YOU?!

Kirk: <cough> Less caffeine, Bones. <choke> Less caffeine, Bones.

McCoy: Scotty sold me the drugs!

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "WE DON'T PLAY 'BAG-TAG' WHILE ON MISSIONS."

Spock: "Yes, I'm crop-dusting. But I look goooood doing it."

McCoy: "NOT IF OUR BALLS DIDN'T TOUCH."

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: Now you've done it! We're trapped in the Wild Wild West dungeon set!!!

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Hey guys!

i have a question: (sorry to break the mood)

Where does the "nude jumping jacks" joke come from? Is it strictly a BBS thing?

I ask, because last night on Fox's FRINGE, they mentioned Walter use to do nude jumping jacks....it was very random the way it was put in....and i was wondering...

Orci, Kurtzman and Abrams are the producers on the show....i don't think any of them wrote last night's episode ....but still...it was very strange!