TOS Caption Contest #126 - Propped Up

[Cakes488]

Bones to Crewman: Son, violence isn't going to solve anything. The captain didn't "steal your girl"..he was just borrowing her for the night....we've all been through this at one point or another. Consider it your initiation for service aboard the enterprise....ain't that right Jim?

 

[Cakes488]

Bones to Crewman: Son, violence isn't going to solve anything. The captain didn't "steal your girl"..he was just borrowing her for the night....we've all been through this at one point or another. Consider it your initiation for service aboard the enterprise....ain't that right Jim?

Now since the captain and you have shared partners I'm going to have to shave you clean and irrigate your genitals....it's for your own good son and you may even enjoy it. I have urgent duties in the lab I must tend to so I won't be performing this procedure but rest assured I'll leave you in good hands....SULU...WE'RE READY FOR YOU IN SICK BAY.

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "No, that isn't the way those kids used their special Gorgon powers. That's the universal sign for jacking off."

 

[Gertch]

"Be quiet you green blooded Vulcan. I can remember where your brain goes again without your help."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kelley: "Am I the only member of this cast who doesn't have sunshine blowing out of his ass?"

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Bones: "You inhuman, green blooded son of a bitch, for every argument I lost I'm going sew your butt up so tight..."
Chapel: "Shall I apply the anaesthetic now Doctor?"

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Bones: "Dammit, if I'd known about that second Vulcan inner anal sphincter, I wouldn't have gone in so hard. Neither would Sulu, but that's besides the point now."

"Which is what the institutions known as banks did to the population of Earth in the early 21st century, after which Khan fled and WWIII started. But enough history, time for jumping jacks."

Bones; "What's the problem son?"
Ensign; "Doc, it's my fist."
Bones; "Yes I know."

Kirk; "Bones, this sample I left you..."
Bones; "What is it?"
Kirk; "It's a little tube of jizz I made in the toilets, but that's not important right now."

 

[Triskelion]

Now did you squirt the red jelly or the blue jelly? Cause one of 'em ain't jelly. Never mind, you'll figure it out soon enough.

McCoy: Sand, Spock? You haven't been on Vulcan since Christmas.
Chapel: Dayamn.
Spock: The shower doesn't reach it.

I'll be right with you Spock. Just let me warm up the buttons for night shift.

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "How much longer will you be using the dryer, Lieutenant?"

 

[John Picard]

McCoy: "Feltching is bad enough with a gerbil, but NO -- you had to use a Denebian Slime Devil".

Spock: "Urrggghhhh"

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "Now, if that's all, I've got to help your Captain with a dose of Rigellian Stinkdick."
Kirk, under breath: "Jeez."

McCoy: "Hold still, fuckface. Not so big and smart now, are you?"
Spock, half-conscious: "Guh?"
McCoy: "Hard to be logical when some guy's looking up your butthole, isn't it, Spock?"
Chapel: "Don't I know it ..."

Spock: "'... work the shaft, then tickle the balls.' Okay, then what?"

 

[Mistral]

Uhura: "I'll be (puff) ready in a (pant) second, Mr. Spock."

Spock: "This sexual position might be easier to achieve if you lost 3.1475 pounds, Lieutenant."

 

[Piper]

Kirk had to excuse himself every time the crewman unknowingly made the fist gesture, unable to contain his laughter.

Spock: Lt, are you aware you're sitting on the navigation stick?
Uhura: Oh yes.

Spock: It's illogical, and yet it feels so good...

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "Why does it say 'Leila' on your ass?"

Spock: "Long story."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: I'm picking up a hail from your butt. It says "Use a fricking chair!!!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: This might pinch a bit. Nurse give me....

What ever you can find on that table behind you.

SPOCK:

 

[Shatmandu]

<A loud, skirt-flapping fart trumpets.>

Uhura: "Ham and beans, Mister Spock. Ham and beans."
Spock, writing: "Note to self: never eat something called 'ham and beans.'"

Spock: "I don't know why I even buy these fucking scratch-offs ..."

McCoy: "You sure you want double-Ds?"

 

[Shatmandu]

With his first snide comment, McCoy found out Spock purposefully ignored his order to not eat twelve hours before the colonoscopy.

 

[scottydog]

<THWOMP>

McCoy: "What was that noise?"

Spock: "I'm afraid two new holes have formed on your sickbay bed, doctor."

 

[scottydog]

Spock: "If I knew it would have this effect on you, I wouldn't have drawn the picture. Here, let me erase one of the shafts."