TOS Caption Contest #122 - Into the Arena

[Shatmandu]

Gorn: "My sisssterrr was very hurrrrt when you leffffft and never callllllled, Captainnnn."

Kirk: "... and then the Klingon nun says, 'Twice on Sunday.'"
<All laugh politely.>
Scotty, under breath: "Ye botched the punchline, ye daft twat."

Kirk, offscreen: "Dibs on his girlfriend."

McCoy: "We all saw what you did with that young man in the dress, to get us released."

 

[Triskelion]

Kirk: Ok listen up people. The planet's full of exploding dirt and deadly poisonous screeching monkeys. We need a volunteer to go collect some monkey stool samples.

New Guy: Oh crap.

I'll use my jumping-jacks face.

Kirk: Oh, a knife. Yes, that completes the ensemble.

 

[johcomp]

MR. LESLIE: "Why am I always left over when you guys are picking the softball teams!!"

 

[Gertch]

MR. LESLIE: "Why am I always left over when you guys are picking the softball teams!!"

Kirk: "Oh wait. I unpick Mr Leslie. Who was that ensign girl who had her leg blown off in the last beam down - we'll take her instead."

 

[Maurice]

GORN: (repeating) Shhe ssssellssss ssssea shhellssss by the ssssea shhore.
The shhellssss shhe ssssellssss are ssssurely sssseashhellssss.
Sssso if shhe ssssellssss shhellssss on the sssseashhore,
I'm ssssure shhe ssssellssss sssseashhore shhellssss...
Sssstop laughing or I'll sssslay your assssss!

Tum-ta-tum-TUMS!!!

Kirk decided he didn't like getting stoned with the Gorn after all.

 

[Outpost4]

Gorn: Oh my, I see you are entangled in a net. Let me help cut you free.

 

[Shatmandu]

Useless tidbit Kirk mentioned in his briefing to Starfleet: Gorns go commando.

McCoy, offscreen: "It hurts when you pee because you've got to come to me before you go on a date with Uhura, unkay?"

Gorn: "Call my uniform a sssskirt one more time, I'll sssstick thissss knife up your asssssss."

 

[Rat Boy]

Shatner: "Look, I give people deals on hotel reservations. I don't sell auto insurance! Honest! It's the pink-haired chick you're after!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Gorn: "You've been ssssshitting where I eat my rodentsssss. Worssst neighbor ever."

 

[Rat Boy]

Al Gorn, the director of HR: "You've been posting captions when you should have been working, Shatmandu!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Gorn: For the ssssake of the universe, I must kill you so that you won't make anymore albumssss!

 

[Shatmandu]

Al Gorn, the director of HR: "You've been posting captions when you should have been working, Shatmandu!"

I'm actually away from home on business, so my fucking-off time has gone way up this evening.

I'm staying in a Holiday Inn at the corner of Spinner Rim Drive and Crackbaby Lane in St. Louis. This's the last time I let my boss make my travel arrangements for me.

The elevator may grind like an old Plymouth I drove in high school, and the sheets may have more sperm on them than the back seat of the same, but the high-speed internet works.

Joe, sleeping fully clothed

 

[Shatmandu]

Gorn: "That gecko you purposefully stepped on? He had two more days until retirement."

 

[Rat Boy]

Al Gorn, the director of HR: "What, you wanted the Hilton? Spinner Rim Drive and Crackbaby Lane is the best we can afford in this economy!"

 

[M'Sharak]

"Try the fffffugu sssasshi; I am ssssser-ti-fied."
"But I don't like... wait -- you're certified? I'd love to have some!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Al Gorn, the director of HR: "Washing your testicles in the office sink is against the rules, unwritten or not."

 

[Outpost4]

Al Gorn, the director of HR: "Unfortunately, your position has been cut."

 

[Piper]

When the orion slave girl's brother finally caught up with Kirk, the results were not pretty.

Concerned that widescreen broadcasts wouldn't be around for the next forty years, the Red-Shirted extra leant forward as far as possible to ensure he stayed in the shot.

A lifetime of working in the warp core finally caught up with Cliff.

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Kirk: "Ensign, I see your lips moving, but all I hear is 'beep, beep'."

 

[the 4th hanson bro]

Useless tidbit Kirk mentioned in his briefing to Starfleet: Gorns go commando.

Kirk: "If you think forked is something to be proud of, let me introduce you to my First Officer"

Kirk: "And then I told him, if he was impressed with forked, he should meet my First Officer"

All: "Ha ha!"