TOS Caption Contest #115 - Kissy Kissy

[highlander]

Uhura: "Why yes Mr. Spock, they're real and they're spectacular!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Watch it, Miss, that one's got a hair trigger.

 

[Outpost4]

Kirk: Ask her if she has four sisters, Chekov.

Uhura: One through each earring, Mr. Spock.

 

[Vassa]

Sam: Oh boy!

 

[Shatmandu]

Ah, thanks much for the win!

Scotty: "An' how's me dick taste to ye, laddy?"

Uhura: "Oh, I got places for both."

McCoy: "Hey asswipe: the clap was inwented in Tombstone, Arizona."

Chekov: "Dis is a gweat planet."
Spock: "As long as, Mister Chekov, the aliens didn't leave out the walls to her vagina as well ..."
<Chekov blinks several times.>

Uhura: "Thanks for last night. I went ahead and made you an appointment with Doctor McCoy."

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Miss Uhura, my penis is bifurcated, and at the point of ejaculation, the shafts sprout quills to further imbed me into the vagina of the person I am fornicating with."
Uhura: "I'm black. That's just another day at the office."

 

[M'Sharak]

"Oh, and... Mr. Spock? Bring the harp."

 

[Rat Boy]

All except Chekov: "AHEM!"

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "I'd tell him to 'get a room,' but the fucking thing wouldn't have walls, either."

Chekov: "To play 'Two girls, one latka,' we'll need another girl. <looks around>"
Scotty: "I'm game, lad."

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Have you been imbibing from Mr. Scott's supply?"

Uhura: "It's green!"

Spock: "As is the mess you've just left on the floor."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: Spits or swallow?
Uhura: Swallow, baby. Swallow.
Spock: So does the captain.

 

[Outpost4]

Chekov: In Russian strip poker, each time one of us loses a hand, you take off a piece of clothing.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: I find it quite illogical that the Old West hussie would choose Ensign Chekov over myself.

 

[Outpost4]

Once every seven years, Uhura has an attack of Porn Star.

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Spock: "Lieutenant, I believe the captain ordered all of the tribbles to be removed from the ship."

Uhura: "Oooh, Mr. Spock, this one likes you! Say something else!"

Spock: "Captain, are you certain that this was how things were done in the days before Internet porn?"

Kirk: "Shut up, Spock. You can't even get an Orion for $29.95 a month these days."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Uhura: I haven't trimmed for a week, just like you wanted.

 

[Shatmandu]

On her first day:

Uhura: "Hi. I'm Lt. Uhura. The guys in Engineering call me 'Starbase 69.'"

 

[Shatmandu]

Chekov: "Multiple orgasms? Inwented in Russia."
McCoy snorts.
Chekov, giving stinkeye: "Anal varts? Inwented in vhatever shithole Dr. McCoy's from."

 

[highlander]

Pavel broke the cardinal rule of poker night......NO SKIRTS!!

 

[highlander]

Spock: "I'm sorry Lt. Uhura but I do not ingest polysaccarides."
Uhura: "That's not what I meant by 'brown sugar' Mr. Spock."