Too Many Decisions

[propita]

It's done. She's gone.

So sorry for you.

Thank you, sweetheart. It's really odd. Sometimes I feel fine. A minute later, I'm in tears.

That will happen. And it will hit you when you don’t expect it. See a dog running by ... tears. And then sometimes it won’t. No predicting. Don’t worry about it. Cry a bit, then pull yourself back, think about good times or that she’s at rest, stop crying and go on. And don’t think you’ve stopped crying because you don’t love her; you’ll cry again about her, usually unexpectedly. And images will pop into your mind or in your dreams--just take that as a good thing, that you have all these happy memories, and your tears will be of joy and not sadness.

 

[Amaris]

Thank you, guys. All of you. I really appreciate it, and I do miss her very much. I was sitting here a minute ago and looking at all my pictures, and just laughing/crying at some of the funny little things she would do. You know, sometimes I wonder about how it just seems like an injustice, that a pet that loves you unconditionally can only live such a short life relative to humans, but there are truly evil and nasty humans that can live a hundred years, and hurt so many people. It just seems so wrong.

Dallie brought me joy, loved me without holding back, and was always there for me when I needed her the most. She lived 16 years. I have a relative who is a scheming, conniving, evil, evil man, and he's well into his late 60s. It just doesn't make sense. In her comparatively short life, she gave more love than that man ever will. Still, all in all, I think I'm going to be alright. Last night, I dreamed about Dallie, and that I was sitting next to her, just skritching her on the head, and she'd look right at me, with that tongue hanging out and I'd laugh, and I felt at peace. Many hugs and all my blessings to all of you.

 

[Shatnertage]

I'm so sorry about Dallie being gone, J. I know this is a very, very tough week for you. I wish I had some words of comfort to offer that could make it better, but other people have said everything that I would have already.

Just know that you're not alone--we're all thinking about you today, and wishing you strength and peace.

 

[RJDiogenes]

I'm so sorry this happened to you and Dallie, J. You saved her from a lot of pain and suffering, at a terrible cost to yourself. The pain of loss is always the price we pay for loving our Pets; but we do it anyway, because it's worth it.

 

[Amaris]

I'm so sorry about Dallie being gone, J. I know this is a very, very tough week for you. I wish I had some words of comfort to offer that could make it better, but other people have said everything that I would have already.

Just know that you're not alone--we're all thinking about you today, and wishing you strength and peace.

I do take it to heart that I'm not alone. Thank you, shatnertage.

I'm so sorry this happened to you and Dallie, J. You saved her from a lot of pain and suffering, at a terrible cost to yourself. The pain of loss is always the price we pay for loving our Pets; but we do it anyway, because it's worth it.

I agree very strongly with this point of view. I can still see her face, I can still see her eyes staring into mine as I patted her little head and rubbed her body as the vet administered the solution. It is forever burned into my mind, and I will never forget it. It is a terrible, terrible cost. Yet I refused to let cancer take the last bit of life from my little girl. I refused to let her be overcome by such unbearable pain, to make her suffer. I wouldn't allow it. I take the responsibility for that decision, and I can live with it, as much as it hurts, because it was the right thing to do. I loved her too much to see her suffer what little remainder of life she had left. Thank you, RJ. It was worth taking on such pain to release her from her own.

I'm going to go ahead and take my avatar of her down, simply because every time I see it, it's like a stab in the heart. Eventually I will look back on her pictures without becoming an emotional wreck, but for now, it's almost too much.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

I'm very sorry about your loss.

I'm not sure how much this will mean to you, but I just want you to know that I believe firmly that animals understand much more--though in an emotional sense--than we think they do. They may sometimes be afraid because of not being able to put things together into logcial steps the way we can, and think towards their futures, but they know very well when they are loved, and that helps them tremendously.

It may sound crazy...but we had a very old cat once, who made it very clear before and after her death that she was at peace. We'd adopted her when I was very little, and she'd recognized my age and place in the family and played her part in raising me. And she went out of her way to prepare me for her death in the weeks before it happened. In return I made sure to rub her head and stomach as she was injected. (She didn't like being held, so that was the level of touch she was most comfortable with.)

But beyond that...I realize you will probably find this to be crazy, but after her death she came to reassure me as well, to let me know that everything was OK, because she didn't want me carrying the guilt. She was a wise old "lady," in her own way, and while her message was very succinct ("It's all right--I'm happy where I am."), it was very clear what it meant.

 

[Amaris]

I'm very sorry about your loss.

I'm not sure how much this will mean to you, but I just want you to know that I believe firmly that animals understand much more--though in an emotional sense--than we think they do. They may sometimes be afraid because of not being able to put things together into logcial steps the way we can, and think towards their futures, but they know very well when they are loved, and that helps them tremendously.

It may sound crazy...but we had a very old cat once, who made it very clear before and after her death that she was at peace. We'd adopted her when I was very little, and she'd recognized my age and place in the family and played her part in raising me. And she went out of her way to prepare me for her death in the weeks before it happened. In return I made sure to rub her head and stomach as she was injected. (She didn't like being held, so that was the level of touch she was most comfortable with.)

But beyond that...I realize you will probably find this to be crazy, but after her death she came to reassure me as well, to let me know that everything was OK, because she didn't want me carrying the guilt. She was a wise old "lady," in her own way, and while her message was very succinct ("It's all right--I'm happy where I am."), it was very clear what it meant.

That's not crazy at all. The dream I had with Dallie in it was a peaceful one, one that told me that she was no longer suffering, and while I miss her physical presence, I am not saddened by her release from that pain she once had.

Thank you, Nerys. That does help.
Another thing, to everyone who has ever had to put down their pet, or watch their pet pass on, you have my most heartfelt condolences. I do share your pain, and I take part in your comfort.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

I'm glad to know you also had a dream of peace.

This particular cat was older than I was in both human AND cat years, adopted when I was only 4, so she took a very maternal role towards me. So regardless of how nuts it sounds, it was almost like a "parent" addressing a child, the tone I got. Definitely some authority there, and I can't dismiss something that came with that sense of "presence." I hope you'll find that message helpful to you as well.

 

[Amaris]

I'm glad to know you also had a dream of peace.

This particular cat was older than I was in both human AND cat years, adopted when I was only 4, so she took a very maternal role towards me. So regardless of how nuts it sounds, it was almost like a "parent" addressing a child, the tone I got. Definitely some authority there, and I can't dismiss something that came with that sense of "presence." I hope you'll find that message helpful to you as well.

Oh, that's not nuts at all.

She loved you and wanted to protect you. I know how that feels. Right up until a few months ago when she could no longer manage, Dallie would get up in the middle of the night and check on each one of us as we slept. I distinctly remember this cold, wet nose in my ear , and then she'd stretch out on her bed, which was next to mine. Terrible guard dog, though, a piece of bacon would put her out of commission.

It sounds to me like you, too, had a wonderful friend and protector, my dear.

 

[TerokNor]

Feeling with you. *hugs*
I personally always feel somewhat ..better, when I read the Rainbow Bridge poem. Don´t know if it hepls you, but just in case....

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...

TerokNor

 

[Sparky]

^^^^ be back in a moment. I think I have something in my eyes........

 

[Australis]

Yeah, it's a bit like this

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Feeling with you. *hugs*
I personally always feel somewhat ..better, when I read the Rainbow Bridge poem. Don´t know if it hepls you, but just in case....

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...

TerokNor

My beloved little Smooshie, who gave us 16-1/2 years of love and unbridled enthusiasm is there.

 

[Niorah]

I'm so sorry J.

 

[Amaris]

Thank you, Niorah. It is much appreciated. I'm starting to do a little better. Tonight I came home, and started to call out "Dallie", and got the "D" off my tongue before I remembered. It's just going to take time.

TerokNor, that "Rainbow Bridge" poem made me openly weep. I believe with all my heart that if there is a heaven, that is where she is, and that if I may be so fortunate to meet her there, that would be my heaven, too. Bless you for posting that. Randi, I hope you get to see your sweet little Smooshie there. Surely if there is a heaven, these are the souls that would inhabit it.

 

[propita]

Feeling with you. *hugs*
I personally always feel somewhat ..better, when I read the Rainbow Bridge poem. Don´t know if it hepls you, but just in case....

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...

TerokNor

You know, I don’t know if there’s a “heaven” or any kind of afterlife. But if there is, I know that Sam (the last dog I had with my parents) is there with my Dad. And Dad is still accidentally stepping on him.

That’s why I’m not worrying about dying so much. If there’s nothing, there’s nothing to worry about. If there’s an afterlife, then Dad is waiting for me, with Sam at his side.

Sorry, tearing up now.

 

[Amaris]

Amen, sweetheart.

 

[kimc]

J. Allen, just saw this tonight and I'm SO sorry about the loss of your beloved dog. I cried for days when I lost my Coco a couple of years ago and even though I have two new pups I will always miss her. I'm glad someone already posted the "Rainbow Bridge" story - I got it from my vet and it was a comfort.

It sounds like Dallie had a long and loving life with your family and that's the thing to hold on to.

 

[kimc]

You know, I don’t know if there’s a “heaven” or any kind of afterlife. But if there is, I know that Sam (the last dog I had with my parents) is there with my Dad. And Dad is still accidentally stepping on him.

That’s why I’m not worrying about dying so much. If there’s nothing, there’s nothing to worry about. If there’s an afterlife, then Dad is waiting for me, with Sam at his side.

I'm so sorry you've lost your dad and your dog.

This may sound odd but shortly after I got my new pup Marco I had a dream that while I was playing with him Coco was lying nearby and watching us. I wasn't able to interact with her but she looked good and it was so great to see her...

 

[Amaris]

J. Allen, just saw this tonight and I'm SO sorry about the loss of your beloved dog. I cried for days when I lost my Coco a couple of years ago and even though I have two new pups I will always miss her. I'm glad someone already posted the "Rainbow Bridge" story - I got it from my vet and it was a comfort.

It sounds like Dallie had a long and loving life with your family and that's the thing to hold on to.

Thank you, kimc. You have my sympathies as well for the loss of your Coco.

Just an update, it seems my Aunt has rescued Dallie once more. You see, when I had her euthanized, I also paid for a private burial. Well, it seems the clinic was actually going to have Dallie put in a mass grave instead, and by serendipity, I had forgotten to remove Dallie's collar when she passed, something I wouldn't have done otherwise, except I was just numb, and my Aunt called the vet when she found out. They found Dallie via the collar, and my Aunt went and got her, and she is having Dallie cremated, and will keep the ashes next to her dogs (she loved Dallie almost as much as I did).

In essence, she has rescued her twice. Once when she was a puppy, from the abuse of a neighbor (we got her through my Aunt), and again this time. I am so grateful to her for doing that. I was shocked that they would do that despite my wishes. I owe my Aunt a debt of gratitude, and believe it or not, knowing now that my Aunt will have her alongside her own dogs who had passed and were cremated, makes me feel better. I can't explain it.

You folks would have loved her dogs. They were both Dobermans, but they were so very gentle and so sweet. Sadie (the larger of the two) would do drive by lickings and would run sideways, like her alignment was just a little off.

Chloe, the younger and "smaller" of the two, used to jump up on the couch with you and drop in your lap, which would be fine, except she weighed 75 lbs!

On Monday, my Aunt will bring me Dallie's collar so I can keep it in my memory box. Oh, I feel better. I just do.