Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #581: Strange Behavior

Discussion in 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' started by LeadHead, Apr 10, 2021.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Admiral

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    The Normandy SR-2
    Hello all, it's a new contest!

    [​IMG]


    First up to the plate, we have the "Wait, how does Troi know there's a Cameraman?" Award, going to @Bry_Sinclair for:

    [​IMG]
    Troi began to sense the inappropriate thoughts from the cameraman.


    Next, we have the "And it's occupied, isn't it?" Award, going to @galleywest for:

    [​IMG]
    Riker: I found it! I found the bathroom!



    Next, we have the "Yet he gets to fly the ship" Award, going to @Nerys Myk for:

    [​IMG]
    DATA: Captain, I have searched the database and there is no official uniform for an "Acting Ensign" nor a rank of "Acting Ensign".
    PICARD: Yes, just don't tell the boy.



    Next, we have the "The first person to mention it out loud gets Discommendation" Award, going to @Finn for:

    [​IMG]

    PIcard: Was it me or did Gorwon have his fly open?
    Worf: Yeah, thank you for not pointing it out....sir



    Next, we have the "Duuuuuude, there's no bridge here....." Award, going to @LadyMondegreen for:

    [​IMG]
    PICARD: Wait a minute...if we're in space, why are ships that we run into always facing the same way? There's no "up" in zero gravity!
    CRUSHER: Jean-Luc, I'm not sure that's tobacco you're smoking...



    Our Photoshop Award goes to @Orac for:

    [​IMG]
    Number 1: Fucken corporate sponsors!


    [​IMG]

    The Award goes to @Leviathan for:

    [​IMG]

    Rikers Personal Log: "Why the hell did we build a set when could have just used the holodeck?"



    [​IMG]


    4 KBL's this time!

    @Herbert:

    [​IMG]
    Riker: hmm the instructions say fold flap A into slot B. Where the hell is slot B?



    @shivkala:

    [​IMG]

    Awkward Family Photos, the TNG edition.



    @JirinPanthosa:

    [​IMG]

    RIKER: No more beige and gray! I'm putting my foot down!


    @Tenacity:

    [​IMG]

    Riker's one man show wasn't the hit with the crew that he had been hoping for,



    Many thanks to all who participated and congrats to our winners!

    And now...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
    Gore-ac and Bry_Sinclair like this.
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Admiral

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    The Normandy SR-2
    [​IMG]

    Captain's Log: I have no $%&#ing idea how I'm gonna explain this one.

    [​IMG]

    Riker: That's the wrong shade of Blue! It should match Deanna's! Just look at the color difference!

    [​IMG]

    Worf: Bad news Commander, he's gone streaking again.

    [​IMG]

    Data: (reading) "If you can read this, you're looking too close. -K. Pulaski"

    [​IMG]

    Picard & unnamed crew: (singing) 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer.

    Riker: Riker to O'Brien, emergency beamout!
     
  3. The Green Monster

    The Green Monster Bad Batch of TrekBBS Premium Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2006
    Location:
    Finn
    Thanks for the win, Leadhead. It had been a while...

    [​IMG]

    Worf: Are you alright, sir?

    Picard: I keep trying to go down to deck 5, but I kept saying deck 4....




    [​IMG]

    In a parallel reality where they didn't kill off Tasha....

    Worf: It appears they enjoyed their honeymoon too much

    :devil:





    [​IMG]

    First officer's log. We have just completed the crew reviews. I have to applaud all of them for playing along whenever Picard does A Christmas Carol or one of the Shakespeare plays in Ten Forward.
     
  4. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2004
    Location:
    shivkala
    Thank you for the win, @LeadHead

    [​IMG]

    Picard: I, um, I just had a vision of being trapped in a turbolift with...children. The horror! The horror!

    [​IMG]

    Picard: Mr. Riker! Now might be a good time to get angry.

    Riker: That's my secret, Captain. I'm always angry.

    [​IMG]

    Worf: Remember the time he was out of phase and we all wondered how it, conveniently, applied to his clothes and VISOR? Not so much this time.

    [​IMG]

    Picard: Remind me again, Data, why Dr. Soong found it necessary to give you human like breathing abilities?

    Data: Why do you ask, Captain?

    Riker: *offscreen* You know, Captain, a lot of people on Risa pay a lot of latinum for something like this.

    [​IMG]

    Picard 2:Here's to the finest crew in Starfleet. You know, back when I was in the Academy, we would follow every toast with a song. I wonder if I can, oh, yes. We'll be singing, when we're winning, we'll be singing, I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down. I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down.

    Female Officer: Pissin' the night away, pissin' the night away.

    Picard 2: He drinks a Whiskey drink, he drinks a Vodka drink, he drinks a Lager drink, he drinks a Cider drink, He sings the songs that remind him of the good times, He sings the songs that remind him of the better times...
     
  5. captain crow

    captain crow Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2009
    Location:
    silver dog bone shaped satellite in Earth orbit
    [​IMG]
    Riker, crap Cagney impression : You dirty rat!

    Officer Tad: Cagney never actually said that line.

    Riker: SCREW YOU!

    [Riker headbutts Tad]



    [​IMG]
    Riker: KISS ME YOU FOOL!



    [​IMG]
    Riker: You shouldn't kick me in the balls. My sister kicked me in the balls once. Once!



    [​IMG]
    Data: Captain, you like movies about gladiators?
     
    Ziyal's Ghost, Herbert and shivkala like this.
  6. The Return of Zombie Cheerleader

    The Return of Zombie Cheerleader Moar Nu Trek Pleeze Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Nerys Myk
    [​IMG]
    RIKER: For the last time, do...not...interrupt...my...beauty....sleep!!!!!

    [​IMG]
    PICARD: So they say, "Hey Captain, we have a poker game every Thursday, you wanna play?" Like I'd want to hang out with that bunch of stiffs!

    [​IMG]
    WORF: The Captain has fallen and cannot get up.

    [​IMG]
    WORF: Okay, looks like we're looking for a naked Geordi.

    [​IMG]
    DATA (whispering): Do it, Captain. Do it. You know you want too!
     
    Ziyal's Ghost and shivkala like this.
  7. Sad Kelpian Child

    Sad Kelpian Child Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2012
    Location:
    JirinPanthosa
    [​IMG]

    WORF: Captain, did you fall down?
    PICARD: No! There was a turbolift malfunction, that's it!

    [​IMG]

    RIKER: Come on, kiss me! It's perfectly normalized in the 24th century!
    ALIEN: No, no! I come from a people beholden to the biases of 1990s Earth!

    [​IMG]

    NIKOLAI: You're seriously trying to high ground allowing an extinction you could have easily prevented?
    WORF: Have you no notion of duty?
    NIKOLAI: Duty to allow pointless extinctions is stupid.
    WORF: Wait, wait...you're actually right. This interpretation of the prime directive is ****ing stupid.


    [​IMG]

    PICARD: And then I said, that's about as crude and unsophisticated as playing music written on Earth later than the 18th cenutry!
     
  8. Gore-ac

    Gore-ac Fleet Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2007
    Location:
    Orac
    Thanks for the win! :biggrin:

    [​IMG]
    Riker: Oh no! I know what you want! You coveteth my ice cream bar!
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2021
  9. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2004
    Location:
    shivkala
  10. Mojochi

    Mojochi Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2007
    [​IMG]

    Picard: (Thinking) Note to self: Not the best place for Yoga

    [​IMG]

    Riker: I SAID.... GIVE ME YOUR HAIR PRODUCT!

    [​IMG]

    Worf: Interestingly enough Commander, no. It is not a red shirt

    [​IMG]

    Data's creepiest party trick was sneaking up on people and whispering to them in their own voice

    [​IMG]

    Riker: That's not the captain I know........ I'm going to go get him another drink. I could use a new wingman
     
  11. Herbert

    Herbert Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2017
    Location:
    Yeoman Rand's Quarters
    Troi: <thinking to herself> uh oh, space madness

    :guffaw:
    “Oh, my beloved ice cream bar! How I love to lick your creamy center!”
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2021
    Gore-ac likes this.
  12. Herbert

    Herbert Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2017
    Location:
    Yeoman Rand's Quarters
    @LeadHead Thanks for the win


    [​IMG]


    Worf: 100% Ferengi cotton. Figures.
    Riker: I told the captain not to buy uniforms from Quark but does he listen to me? Nooooo!
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2021
  13. at Quark's

    at Quark's Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2012
    [​IMG]

    Picard: Welcome to the Illegal Romulan Ales Sampling Night. Now, it is imperative you understand this is not a boozing night, we of the 24th century have sensibilities evolved beyond that. This is, erm, this is for science. Yeah, that's the ticket. We don't, erm, we don't yet know enough of the effects of such ales on the human organism and we therefore need to conduct this study. It's our Starfleet duty!
    <others> For Science and for Starfleet!

    <one hour later>

    [​IMG]

    Riker: Give me that last bottle, or I'll wipe that smile of your face with my fist!
    Deanna: Captain, I sense violent emotions. I think he might even become angry. Do something!
    Picard <absentmindedly> Deanna again.. . Where's Beverley when you need her?

    [​IMG]

    Data: Forget dr. Crusher, captain. I am .... fully functional and am programmed in multiple techniques. Let's find a quieter spot. I could invite ...my friend ... to make it even more interesting.



    <Early next morning>
    [​IMG]


    Worf: We still haven't found the captain, Admiral. <whispering, to Riker>I don't understand! How did Data's uniform end up on the holodeck? And what does Geordi's visor have to do with it?

    <Slightly later that morning>

    [​IMG]


    Picard: ouch.... my head. How did I end up here? Yesterday evening is all a blur. Perhaps I shouldn't drink anymore at my age.
    <Admiral Blackwell, offscreen> Mr. Worf, my patience is wearing thin. I've been waiting long enough now. If captain Picard doesn't return my call within five minutes, we'll recall him to starfleet HQ! The council of Admirals wishes to discuss with him that 'captain Picard Day' that's apparently been held aboard your vessel.
    Worf: We found him, Admiral! He'll need a few more minutes though, he still seems a bit .... indisposed at the moment.
    Data <offscreen, helpfully volunteering information> Imbibing too much illegal Romulan Ale seems to have left him with quite a hangover, Admiral.
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2021
    Alice_27 likes this.
  14. The Return of Zombie Cheerleader

    The Return of Zombie Cheerleader Moar Nu Trek Pleeze Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    Nerys Myk
    [​IMG]
    PICARD: I see why the ancient humans called it "break dancing".
     
  15. captain crow

    captain crow Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2009
    Location:
    silver dog bone shaped satellite in Earth orbit
    [​IMG]
    Picard: Zombie Jesus on a hoverbike! This thing is like one of those 23rd century Crossfield class roller coaster turbolifts.



    [​IMG]
    Data: Does this bug you? Does this bug you? I am not touching you! Does this bug you?



    [​IMG]
    [turbolift doors open]

    Worf: Oh, spiffing. Absolutely spiffing. The old fart is rubbing his ass on the carpet because he thinks he's a dog again.
     
  16. Leviathan

    Leviathan Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2004
    TFTW @LeadHead
    [​IMG]

    Worf: Sorry Commander...I ate another engineer.
     
  17. Leviathan

    Leviathan Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2004
    [​IMG]

    Captain's Personal Log: ...and that's when I invented Picards TurboLift Chairs. I've filed the patent that will finance my retirement!
     
  18. Leviathan

    Leviathan Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2004
    [​IMG]

    Space Corps Directive 188/32-C: All forms of 'duck-face" shall be deemed evidence of mental incapacity.
     
  19. Leviathan

    Leviathan Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2004
    [​IMG]

    Data: "Retraction: Did I say that out loud? I apologize, master. While you are a meatbag, I suppose I should not call you such."

    Picard: "You just called me a meatbag again!"

    Data
    : "Explanation: It's just that... you have all these squishy parts, master. And all that water! How the constant sloshing doesn't drive you mad, I have no idea."
     
  20. Leviathan

    Leviathan Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2004
    [​IMG]

    Picards rendition of "I like Big Butts" was the hit of Classical Music Night.