Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #581: Strange Behavior

[LeadHead]

Hello all, it's a new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Wait, how does Troi know there's a Cameraman?" Award, going to @Bry_Sinclair for:

Troi began to sense the inappropriate thoughts from the cameraman.


Next, we have the "And it's occupied, isn't it?" Award, going to @galleywest for:

Riker: I found it! I found the bathroom!



Next, we have the "Yet he gets to fly the ship" Award, going to @Nerys Myk for:

DATA: Captain, I have searched the database and there is no official uniform for an "Acting Ensign" nor a rank of "Acting Ensign".
PICARD: Yes, just don't tell the boy.



Next, we have the "The first person to mention it out loud gets Discommendation" Award, going to @Finn for:

PIcard: Was it me or did Gorwon have his fly open?
Worf: Yeah, thank you for not pointing it out....sir



Next, we have the "Duuuuuude, there's no bridge here....." Award, going to @LadyMondegreen for:

PICARD: Wait a minute...if we're in space, why are ships that we run into always facing the same way? There's no "up" in zero gravity!
CRUSHER: Jean-Luc, I'm not sure that's tobacco you're smoking...



Our Photoshop Award goes to @Orac for:

Number 1: Fucken corporate sponsors!

The Award goes to @Leviathan for:

Rikers Personal Log: "Why the hell did we build a set when could have just used the holodeck?"

4 KBL's this time!

@Herbert:

Riker: hmm the instructions say fold flap A into slot B. Where the hell is slot B?



@shivkala:

Awkward Family Photos, the TNG edition.



@JirinPanthosa:

RIKER: No more beige and gray! I'm putting my foot down!


@Tenacity:

Riker's one man show wasn't the hit with the crew that he had been hoping for,



Many thanks to all who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now...

 

[LeadHead]

Captain's Log: I have no $%&#ing idea how I'm gonna explain this one.

Riker: That's the wrong shade of Blue! It should match Deanna's! Just look at the color difference!

Worf: Bad news Commander, he's gone streaking again.

Data: (reading) "If you can read this, you're looking too close. -K. Pulaski"

Picard & unnamed crew: (singing) 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer.

Riker: Riker to O'Brien, emergency beamout!

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead. It had been a while...

Worf: Are you alright, sir?

Picard: I keep trying to go down to deck 5, but I kept saying deck 4....

In a parallel reality where they didn't kill off Tasha....

Worf: It appears they enjoyed their honeymoon too much

First officer's log. We have just completed the crew reviews. I have to applaud all of them for playing along whenever Picard does A Christmas Carol or one of the Shakespeare plays in Ten Forward.

 

[shivkala]

Thank you for the win, @LeadHead

Picard: I, um, I just had a vision of being trapped in a turbolift with...children. The horror! The horror!

Picard: Mr. Riker! Now might be a good time to get angry.

Riker: That's my secret, Captain. I'm always angry.

Worf: Remember the time he was out of phase and we all wondered how it, conveniently, applied to his clothes and VISOR? Not so much this time.

Picard: Remind me again, Data, why Dr. Soong found it necessary to give you human like breathing abilities?

Data: Why do you ask, Captain?

Riker: *offscreen* You know, Captain, a lot of people on Risa pay a lot of latinum for something like this.

Picard 2:Here's to the finest crew in Starfleet. You know, back when I was in the Academy, we would follow every toast with a song. I wonder if I can, oh, yes. We'll be singing, when we're winning, we'll be singing, I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down. I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down.

Female Officer: Pissin' the night away, pissin' the night away.

Picard 2: He drinks a Whiskey drink, he drinks a Vodka drink, he drinks a Lager drink, he drinks a Cider drink, He sings the songs that remind him of the good times, He sings the songs that remind him of the better times...

 

[Captain Crow]

Riker, crap Cagney impression : You dirty rat!

Officer Tad: Cagney never actually said that line.

Riker: SCREW YOU!

[Riker headbutts Tad]

Riker: KISS ME YOU FOOL!

Riker: You shouldn't kick me in the balls. My sister kicked me in the balls once. Once!

Data: Captain, you like movies about gladiators?

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: For the last time, do...not...interrupt...my...beauty....sleep!!!!!

PICARD: So they say, "Hey Captain, we have a poker game every Thursday, you wanna play?" Like I'd want to hang out with that bunch of stiffs!

WORF: The Captain has fallen and cannot get up.

WORF: Okay, looks like we're looking for a naked Geordi.

DATA (whispering): Do it, Captain. Do it. You know you want too!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

WORF: Captain, did you fall down?
PICARD: No! There was a turbolift malfunction, that's it!

RIKER: Come on, kiss me! It's perfectly normalized in the 24th century!
ALIEN: No, no! I come from a people beholden to the biases of 1990s Earth!

NIKOLAI: You're seriously trying to high ground allowing an extinction you could have easily prevented?
WORF: Have you no notion of duty?
NIKOLAI: Duty to allow pointless extinctions is stupid.
WORF: Wait, wait...you're actually right. This interpretation of the prime directive is ****ing stupid.

PICARD: And then I said, that's about as crude and unsophisticated as playing music written on Earth later than the 18th cenutry!

 

[Orac]

Thanks for the win!

Riker: Oh no! I know what you want! You coveteth my ice cream bar!

 

[shivkala]

Worf: The judges award you no points, Sir. Looks like you're going to have to try again if you want to beat Geordi's score for tumbling out of a turbolift.

Riker: Analysis, Mr. Worf.

Worf: It appears his body has evolved, leaving behind his clothing as a remnant of his previous form.

Riker: Evolved? Into what?

Worf: Unsure, Commander, but we best hope it isn't a space salamander.

 

[Mojochi]

Picard: (Thinking) Note to self: Not the best place for Yoga

Riker: I SAID.... GIVE ME YOUR HAIR PRODUCT!

Worf: Interestingly enough Commander, no. It is not a red shirt

Data's creepiest party trick was sneaking up on people and whispering to them in their own voice

Riker: That's not the captain I know........ I'm going to go get him another drink. I could use a new wingman

 

[Herbert]

Thanks for the win!

Riker: Oh no! I know what you want! You coveteth my ice cream bar!

Troi: <thinking to herself> uh oh, space madness

Spoiler

“Oh, my beloved ice cream bar! How I love to lick your creamy center!”

 

[Herbert]

@LeadHead Thanks for the win

Worf: 100% Ferengi cotton. Figures.
Riker: I told the captain not to buy uniforms from Quark but does he listen to me? Nooooo!

 

[at Quark's]

Picard: Welcome to the Illegal Romulan Ales Sampling Night. Now, it is imperative you understand this is not a boozing night, we of the 24th century have sensibilities evolved beyond that. This is, erm, this is for science. Yeah, that's the ticket. We don't, erm, we don't yet know enough of the effects of such ales on the human organism and we therefore need to conduct this study. It's our Starfleet duty!
<others> For Science and for Starfleet!

<one hour later>

Riker: Give me that last bottle, or I'll wipe that smile of your face with my fist!
Deanna: Captain, I sense violent emotions. I think he might even become angry. Do something!
Picard <absentmindedly> Deanna again.. . Where's Beverley when you need her?

Data: Forget dr. Crusher, captain. I am .... fully functional and am programmed in multiple techniques. Let's find a quieter spot. I could invite ...my friend ... to make it even more interesting.



<Early next morning>

Worf: We still haven't found the captain, Admiral. <whispering, to Riker>I don't understand! How did Data's uniform end up on the holodeck? And what does Geordi's visor have to do with it?

<Slightly later that morning>

Picard: ouch.... my head. How did I end up here? Yesterday evening is all a blur. Perhaps I shouldn't drink anymore at my age.
<Admiral Blackwell, offscreen> Mr. Worf, my patience is wearing thin. I've been waiting long enough now. If captain Picard doesn't return my call within five minutes, we'll recall him to starfleet HQ! The council of Admirals wishes to discuss with him that 'captain Picard Day' that's apparently been held aboard your vessel.
Worf: We found him, Admiral! He'll need a few more minutes though, he still seems a bit .... indisposed at the moment.
Data <offscreen, helpfully volunteering information> Imbibing too much illegal Romulan Ale seems to have left him with quite a hangover, Admiral.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: I see why the ancient humans called it "break dancing".

 

[Captain Crow]

Picard: Zombie Jesus on a hoverbike! This thing is like one of those 23rd century Crossfield class roller coaster turbolifts.

Data: Does this bug you? Does this bug you? I am not touching you! Does this bug you?

[turbolift doors open]

Worf: Oh, spiffing. Absolutely spiffing. The old fart is rubbing his ass on the carpet because he thinks he's a dog again.

 

[Leviathan]

TFTW @LeadHead

Worf: Sorry Commander...I ate another engineer.

 

[Leviathan]

Captain's Personal Log: ...and that's when I invented Picards TurboLift Chairs. I've filed the patent that will finance my retirement!

 

[Leviathan]

Space Corps Directive 188/32-C: All forms of 'duck-face" shall be deemed evidence of mental incapacity.

 

[Leviathan]

Data: "Retraction: Did I say that out loud? I apologize, master. While you are a meatbag, I suppose I should not call you such."

Picard: "You just called me a meatbag again!"

Data: "Explanation: It's just that... you have all these squishy parts, master. And all that water! How the constant sloshing doesn't drive you mad, I have no idea."

 

[Leviathan]

Picards rendition of "I like Big Butts" was the hit of Classical Music Night.