Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This #576: Back in the game
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*Trash TV music plays* In our next season of swamp hunters, follow ex-Starfleet officers forced to take second jobs after being left for dead in transporter accidents.
Thomas tearful voiceover: Hunting swamp monsters has given my life a whole new meaning.
<Produced by Lore>
Picard: What’s this setting? *taps buttons*
Data’s Console: [Tasha’s Voice] Hello, Data, You're quite good at turning me on.[/Tasha’s Voice]
Picard: Hmmmm. I probably should ignore that.
Captain Picard: "Finally...I have the Bridge and its HUGE Viewscreen all to myself...Let's see what's trending on Pornhub today..."
Picard: Looks like I'll have to fly the Enterprise myself. Can't be that hard if a blind guy and a snotty kid can do it.
[pushes button]
[sound of windshield wipers]
Picard: Damn.
[pushes button]
[sound of clicking turn signal with ops console's light blinking in time with the clicking]
Picard: Damn it.
[pushes button]
[Right Said Fred's "I'm too sexy" starts playing]
Picard: DAMN IT!
[pushes button]
[lights go out]
[comic beat]
Picard: FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK!
PICARD: I'm the only one on the ship. Computer, play "Old Time Rock And Roll".
RIKER: Did they really all match me on 23 and Me?
WORF: Captain, I think you've morally agonized enough, it's time to do the not perfect but practically correct thing.
PICARD: Five more minutes.
DATA: Human is in danger. Analyzing. Human is not in the senior staff and is not particularly interesting. If there were an audience watching us they would not care too much if human was killed. Ignoring human in danger. Proceeding to humans the audience would care about.
SELA: It seems a bit odd that we could conquer Vulcan with only 150 soldiers, but what the hell, go for it.
Crap, I forgot to pin this thread. Done now so carry on.
Picard - I've always wanted to know what this button does. *BLEEP*
Computer: "Self-destruct sequence activated"
Picard - Where's the cancel button?
Computer: "That's for me to know and you to find out"
"Fucking typical, my lava lamp is fucked"
Picard "Mr Worf, I've taken on board your concerns about the chair spacings at the briefing table"
As a Klingon, Worf was of course an aficionado of opera, but he was unfamiliar with this aria called "feeling."
Data had waited for many days for a crewmember to venture down this infrequently used section of corridor.
Data: ... oil can ... oil can ..
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PICARD: ...seven...eight...nine...TEN. Ready or not, here I come!
Prefering to face his opponents, Worf never really *got* hide-and-seek.
It greatly worried the crew when Captain Picard opened a fob watch and suddenly requested to be called "The Doctor," referred to the crew as his "companions," referred to the bridge as "The TARDIS Control Room" (to which he promptly changed the desktop theme until he found one he liked), and scoffed at a phaser, claiming a "Sonic Screwdriver" would be preferable.
Data : thinks "I hope none of the crew notice I'm wearing my worn out old shoes"
Data looks after Lt. Sullivan who passed him in the corridor.
Then Data starts to wonder.... "What is that smell? I didn't hear Lt. Sullivan farting but.. this is definately flatus. Is this what people call 'silent killer', a fart without sound? Further investigation is needed."
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