Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #575: Around the Table

Discussion in 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' started by LeadHead, Nov 25, 2019.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

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    Hello and welcome to the new contest!

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    First up to the plate, we have the "Counselor, Sense Thyself" Award, goes to @JirinPanthosa for:

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    TROI: I’m sensing...utter shock, confusion and fear! Oh wait, it’s me.


    Next, we have the "No! Grow it out!" Award, going to @Nerys Myk for:

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    WORF: I wish we were at war, so I can shave all this off.


    Next, we have the "Is he a Kaylon now?" Award, going to @Leviathan for:

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    Data: Now that I have a beard you Meatbags will learn proper respect.


    Our Photoshop Award goes to @Cutie McWhiskers for:

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    Looking back to two years earlier, Worf is much proud of his new hair length thanks to Gowrogaine. By season six he's hoping to have it longer than a jump rope...


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    Our KBL goes to @Herbert for:

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    Troi: Oh my god! It's a better toup than Shatner's.


    Many thanks to all who participated ad congrats to our winners! And now with a lot of us in the States getting ready to sit around the table for a big meal this Thursday, that's our new contest!


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  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

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    Riker: Forget the mission details, tell us about Worf at the Academy.

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    Crusher: Jean-Luc we need to get a permanent Chief Engineer, this thing needs to download and install updates at lest 3 times a week.

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    Picard: Well played, everyone! Now get back to work.
     
  3. Mr Soak

    Mr Soak Commodore Commodore

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    Picard: I hope you aren't playing for money, which certainly doesn't exist.
    Data: Money? Money? What is money?
    Picard: Correct answer. Now deal me in.
     
  4. Herbert

    Herbert Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    In three minutes, someone at the table will notice that alternate universe evil Picard is eavesdropping on the meeting. Evil Picard's only slip up was the shades.

    @LeadHead Thanks for the win
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2019
  5. IMC Headquarters

    IMC Headquarters Fleet Captain Premium Member

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    PICARD: Perhaps you can explain to us why Commander Riker's trombone is no longer in proper working order and filled with Klingon blood?

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    PICARD: Perhaps you're not aware that Geordi's VISOR contains an x-ray bandwidth filter. Hmm...


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    CRUSHER: Jean-Luc? STOP CRACKING YOUR KNUCKLES ON THE TABLETOP! YOU KNOW I CAN'T STAND THAT!
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2019
  6. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Tomorrow Never Knows Premium Member

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    RIKER:So, K'ehleyr. I hear you're single...
    PICARD: Neither the time or the place, Number One!
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    PICARD:Perhaps you should turn on the voice to text function instead of typing hunt and peck?
     
  7. Qonundrum

    Qonundrum Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Thanks for the win! :)


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    Riker: "K'ehleyr, is there some reason only Worf is not looking at you? Depending on the reason, are you available for dinner on Friday night, around 7'ish?"


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    ...remember the time when Commander Riker brought back some NC17 software? Picard knows.


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    Picard: "Why thank you Mister Data, but the only chips I deal with use a mascot wearing a little bowtie and has more cheese than any average season one script had."
     
  8. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    Beverly: "Okay, now everybody crowd behind me and try to look over shoulders to see what's on this small screen."
    Picard: "Couldn't you just transfer the information to the big screen directly behind us?"
    Beverly: "No. no I couldn't."
    Picard: "But we've literally done that before."
    Beverly: "Well, this isn't before, it's now."
    Picard: "But..."
    Troi: "I'm sensing nobody gives a shit about your butthurt."


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    That moment when Commander Riker has to figure out whether it was Worf -- the new officer he knows little about -- or the guest, is playing footsie with him.


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    Picard: "Sooo, who'd like to get blown out an air lock for letting me lose tonight? Advance notice, gentlemen."
     
  9. IMC Headquarters

    IMC Headquarters Fleet Captain Premium Member

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    RIKER: (TO HANDS) Rrruffles have rrridges.
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2019
    Herbert likes this.
  10. Herbert

    Herbert Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    K'ehleyr: Intently engaged in the meeting
    Picard: Intently engaged in the meeting
    Riker: Intently engaged in the meeting
    Data: Intently engaged in the meeting
    Troi: Intently engaged in the meeting
    Worf: <thinking> Did I leave the iron on?
     
  11. IMC Headquarters

    IMC Headquarters Fleet Captain Premium Member

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    PICARD: Is it any coincidence that right after you come aboard we have unidentified blood stains in the holodeck, and um, has anyone seen Wesley Crusher during this time?
     
  12. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    Stunned, quietly worried, and secretly wanting to see more: The many faces of finding out Wesley's subspace browsing history.

    Beverly: "But he told me he just used it for the articles..."
     
  13. IMC Headquarters

    IMC Headquarters Fleet Captain Premium Member

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    PICARD: We're having this intervention here today because your pet Targ has engaged in behaviour which necessitates that it be put down. Counselor Troi was accosted in her bath; Data's cat was eaten by the creature; Commander Riker's autographed Dave Brubeck LP was shredded by it; and I can't find the fish in my ready room.

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    PICARD: You want to wager a dog? Deal me in!

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    Counselor Troi is actually a T-1000. And Doctor Crusher's dead.
     
  14. JirinPanthosa

    JirinPanthosa Admiral Admiral

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    DATA: My sexual tension detector is registering off the charts. May I inquire as to who it might be coming from?

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    TROI: What's that one huge file? It seems to be taking up nearly half the ship's memory.
    BEVERLY: That's HR's file on Will.

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    PATRICK STEWART: And that's a wrap. Whew, I'm glad that's over. Call my agent if you want to do any more movies, but I'll never be doing another Star Trek series again.
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2019
  15. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    It was then that Jean-Luc realized his mating call was not as good as Will's.
     
  16. IMC Headquarters

    IMC Headquarters Fleet Captain Premium Member

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    PICARD: So Ambassador...how long have you been a member of the Q Continuum?
    WORF: I mated with a Q???
     
  17. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Tomorrow Never Knows Premium Member

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    PICARD: Well this does look like fun but WE HAVE A SHIP TO RUN!!!!!! Get to your stations!!!!
     
  18. IMC Headquarters

    IMC Headquarters Fleet Captain Premium Member

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    PICARD: What is this? The Swamp? On the Enterprise, we play fizzbin. Let me show you how...
     
  19. shivkala

    shivkala Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Happy Thanksgiving!
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    K'ehleyr: I realize I am a guest, but when does the food come? At least an appetizer? Hors Devours? Some bread?

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    Crusher: Captain, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have network connectivity problems.

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    Picard: I can't believe you didn't invite me all these years to play poker! Say, while we're on the subject of poker, did you know that some historians say poker's origins can be traced to a domino-card game played by a 10th-century Chinese emperor; others claim it is a descendant of the Persian card game “As Nas,” which dates back to the 16th century. Poker's closest European predecessor was Poque, which caught on in my native France in the 17th century.

    Data: Sir, even I am aware that it is way past the time to stop talking. Now, we are in the middle of a game and the minimum buy-in is 3 strips of gold pressed latinum.
     
  20. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Tomorrow Never Knows Premium Member

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    PICARD: I know I'm new to the table, but there is a variation I've heard of called "Strip Poker"...