Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #573: Well, that's seen better days.

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "A different 'stun setting"" award, going to @captain crow for:

[Riker leans toward Dr. Crusher]

Riker: Can I have a "welcome back" peck on the cheek Doctor?

Dr. Crusher: No.

[Dr. Crusher tasers Riker in the neck]


Next, we have the "Tough Crowd" award, going to @JirinPanthosa for:

ARDRA: Really, surrounding myself with light beams isn't impressive? Man there is just no pleasing some people.

Next, we have the "Logical" Award, going to @inflatabledalek for:

Crusher: According to my diagnostic, the cause of your migraines is the weight of all that hair.


Next, we have the "But is it covered by his HMO?" Award, going to @Leviathan for:

Picard: Steve Austin....RedShirt. A man barely alive...
Crusher: We can rebuild him.
We have the technology.
We can make him better than he was.
Better, stronger, faster.

Next, we have the "Well said, Mister Data" Award, going to @Mr Soak for:

Second Officer's Log: Aw-kward.


Next, we have the "Wanting to look good on the annual performance review" Award, going to @JirinPanthosa for:

GEORDI: As you see, I rerouted power to make the engines 1.2% more efficient.
PICARD: If you could always do that why weren't they always 1.2% more efficient?
GEORDI: Obviously so I could MAKE them more efficient!


Next, we have the "Yeah, but how many pennies?" Award, going to @captain crow for:

Dr Crusher: There's like twenty bucks worth quarters in there.

Next, we have the "Amateur Ventriloquism" Award, going to @Mojochi for:

Data: Doctor, my research indicates that this is not the correct way to practice ventriloquism.


Our Photoshop award goes to @Nerys Myk for:

ARMUS: Hey, long time no see. What's up?

KBL 1 to @shivkala for:

Troi: I know I'm the patient and all, but maybe you wouldn't get so many headaches if you turned the lights on in this place instead of trying to read the tricorder in the dark.


KBL 2 to @galleywest for:

Geordi: Dammit, T-Mobile has such terrible coverage in Engineering.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Now that I'm back, the goal will be to maintain a schedule of a new contest every two weeks. The TOS and Movies I-X contests are in desperate need of attention so I'll be working on getting them up to date soon too.

And now, the new contest:

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Captain DeSoto did not have a good reaction to learning that Riker would be transferring to the Enterprise...

La Forge: Hey! For the last time: NO SPARKLERS NEAR THE WARP CORE!!!!

Worf: You never told us that you bought this ship used, Commander.

 

[Finngle Bells]

Data: I told you so...sir. I did warn you this would happen if we left Spot in the ready room while the Captain was away....

Riker: I hope we can remove the cat poop from his Shakespeare book....

 

[Mr Soak]

Data: Sir, may I suggest, phasers are not the way to solve frustrating model trains.

La Forge: Remind me again, does Starfleet have an OH&S department?

Riker: Hey, you're right. This does look like a slightly altered Battle Bridge.

 

[Ghost of Christmas Future]

Geordi secretly envied Riker's smugness.

 

[Finngle Bells]

Riker: *mutters* "a bucket full of bolts?"

Geordi: Funny...that looks like Scotty's handwriting...

 

[Q'OrnamentalDeqor]

Riker (thinking): 'If it weren't for me there'd be no spinoffs for Worf to jump to.'

Worf: "I heard that. And you're just jealous as we got not just less hotel-beige sets despite being in a space hotel but because we also got all the big philosophical thinky topics."

Riker (thinking): 'Also true... but I got laid more.'

Worf: "Well, at least I can say with pride I didn't partake in the creation of superbug strains as a result of not getting it on with every being that wandered through the airlock."

Riker (thinking): 'Also true... but stop saying you're not a merry man.'

Worf: "Touche."

 

[Santa Kang]

PICARD: Did you find the statue of Grell'xx of Klothar? It's the only remaining artifact of the Klotharian civilization.
RIKER: Uh...about that.

 

[Santa Kang]

RIKER: Lotta great memories in this place. My old gaming chair. The synthesizer I used in that Flock of Seagulls cover band. And the smell, like....
Worf: A bucket of gagh left in the sun?

 

[Avro Arrow]

LaForge: There's a lot of work we need to do here to get this ship running, commander. Are you planning to help?

Riker: I've already struck an inspiring heroic pose... what more do you want from me?!

 

[Timewalker]

DATA: I did warn you not to use the warp setting on your new pressure cooker, sir.

RIKER: Shut up, Data.

 

[CuriousCaitian]

"Are you kidding me?! That's the third one this week!"

...or...

"Mr Scott was right; the engines really can't take it."

 

[CuriousCaitian]

DATA: Commander, I am beginning to suspect that the phrase "fixer-upper" may not carry the same meaning to a Ferengi as it does to us.

RIKER: You don't say, Mr Data. You don't say.

 

[Q'OrnamentalDeqor]

Worf: I had no idea older starships had wine racks directly on consoles.

Riker: Oh yes, it was common practice. The number of starships I've been on...

Geordi: Q, if this is not one of your tricks please make it so.

Riker: I heard that

 

[Santa Kang]

WORF (over comms): Stay away from the brown acid...
GEORDI:Too late..

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard: Off screen, "Any sign of Smellingcoffee, number one?"

Riker: "Negative, sir. He's not at his command center. Looks like's it's been unkempt for a while."

 

[Tenacity]

Riker: Any luck locating Captain DeSato?
Data: Sir, that is Captain DeSato.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

RIKER: This starship's seen better days... you can even see the studio lights and rafters up there.

 

[Santa Kang]

RIKER: Well what do you know, it is a skylight!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Geordi: "LaForge to Bridge! We have a purple fireworks-y explode-y thing alert!"

"What the...? I thnk we've been swindled! This was supposed to be the 369th annual Axanar con!"