Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #571: The Doctor is in!
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Crusher: Welcome back! We went to Plagueworld while you were gone. Here's the vaccine!
Crusher: Not gonna miss her.
Troi: I'm sensing fatigue.
Crusher: It's 3AM!!!
Crusher: Pssst... while they're distracted, do their annual physicals.
Crusher: It took 5 minues to get here from Deck 3, we're not calling them "Turbo"-lifts anymore.
Picard: Ah, Will. Look what Wesley's invented!
Riker: What is it?
Picard: It's a holographic simulation of a 20th century strategy board game.
Riker: You're kidding!
Picard: No, I'm not. Beverly's quite proud, and you are not to say one word. Am I making myself clear?
Riker. Perfectly, sir.
Picard: Beverly and I have a dinner date, and I'd like that to include breakfast.
Picard: We need no longer fear the banana.
Crusher: This is the last dose of penicillin we've got. So either wrap it up or keep it in your pants.
CMO's Log; After a long hiatus, we are inoculating the crew to help them adjust to be back on caption this duty.
It hasn't been easy since they caught the Captain and the first officer taking up nude mud wrestling on the holodeck
Picard: (thinking) Reminds me of a dig in a ruin of an extinct post-industrial civilization
Riker: (thinking) Reminds me of the teats I saw the last time I was on Risa...
RIKER: What did you just inject me with?
BEVERLY: Anti-aphrodesiac. Required by human resources after the last lawsuit.
ARDRA: Really, surrounding myself with light beams isn't impressive? Man there is just no pleasing some people.
BEVERLY: If we can't get out of here soon we have to turn full command of all ship functions over to Data.
TROI: I'm not affected either.
BEVERLY: Yeah, so Data.
PICARD: How is the giant Catan board coming?
RIKER: The forest hexes aren't quite coming out right.
BEVERLY: Commander, HR has warned you about that several times.
RIKER: What? He's a male android, not a female ensign.
DATA: I would still prefer it if you did not do that.
Let's cover up this hickey before your big meeting.
Worf: Cool CG.
Why does MY head hurt?
Watch your toes, Cap'n.
The guys in the engine room gave me some really good hooch last night.
Beverly: You might experience a few side-effects—headache, diarrhea.... um... impotence and loss of libido.
Tasha (whispers): Oh, thank the Great Bird.
Beverly: Tramp thinks she can take my man. Worf, I got this. I'm gonna cut a witch.
Beverly: I guess this is a bad time to tell you that I failed this part in medical school.
Picard: Shouldn't we doing this in engineering?
Riker: Geordi's on vacation. Beverly's filling in.
Picard: That makes no sense. What's next? Beverly taking the center seat.
Beverly: Hello, boys. It's time for the annual prostate exams.
Beverly: Hello, boys. It's time for the annual prostate exams.
Second Officer's Log: The Captain has ordered me to stop mentioning what's functional.
Dr. Crusher: You see, Tasha, you just Scotchguard his neck with the hypo spray like so and, WHALA, Commander Riker doesn't have to worry about unsightly space hickeys for another three months!
Picard: What do you think of this derelict probe Geordi and Data discovered?
Riker: There's something about that tip that's disconcerting yet alluring, sir. Should I turn it on?
Picard: Make it so. And next time, bring up how I am referring to Commander LaForge on a first name basis.
Riker: Oops.
Before you could enter the Bridge, Beverly would "mother" you...
Beverly: "Hold on, will, you got something on your neck. And I'll have to lick back that cowlick, Tasha."
Picard: In all of this "Doctor"'s travels through time and space, perhaps he can tell us where the caption contest winners are.
[Riker leans toward Dr. Crusher]
Riker: Can I have a "welcome back" peck on the cheek Doctor?
Dr. Crusher: No.
[Dr. Crusher tasers Riker in the neck]
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