Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #561: Report to Engineering

[inflatabledalek]

TFTW LH!

Picard: Well, I wasn't planning to use threatening to blow up the ship as a bargaining tool, but as you've activated the self destruct (and also the massage chair on deck 8) by spreading your hands out on all the buttons, I guess that's what we do.

Dwight: Could we please tell that guy to stop looking at the boom mic?

Data: So I spend so much time down here cleaning up Geordi's mistakes, I thought I might as well have my own desk.

Geordi: Worst game of laser quest ever.

Chief Engineer: I love this job, totally in this for the long haul.

 

[Nerys Myk]

YAPHIT: Somebody do your new Chief a favor and give me the name of that redheaded doctor...

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: Geordi, if I may offer a suggestion. Perhaps a little more to my right.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Data: "Geordi, may I ask what it is we are doing."

Geordi: "I'm making sure the trajectory of the beam is accurate and that it fires consistently."

Data: "Ah. Why?"

Geordi: "'cause I'm going to play phaser tag with Wesley."

Data: "Ah. But Ensign Crusher has not been issued a phaser rifle."

Geordi: "You don't say..."

Data: "And it appears to be set to kill."

Geordi: "That's an accurate assessment..."

 

[Mojochi]

Picard: Would you PLEASE stop leaning on all the buttons?

Geordi: Ok people, we have an emergency. So what I need from you is... Duffy pay attention, Wesley don't touch that, Logan & Marcus prep the door for me to roll under, & Barclay... Just stop being you for 5 minutes?

That time Data got a more appropriate pet... for whom the name Spot was also more fitting

Data: It is fortunate that we both have technologically enhanced vision, or this would be a highly inadvisable prank

Geordi: It's a mechanical heart, Data. The captain will be fine.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER:Well, I'm lost and totally out of my depth. Maybe we should call an engineer.
PICARD: Can't, they all quit. Something about the boy being given carte blanche...
RIKER: What about Geordi? Didn't you say he tried to impress you by finding a hum in a shuttle craft or something? That's engineering stuff, right?
PICARD: Close enough. Good thinking, I was afraid I'd have to use Lieutenant Chief what's his name from the transporter room.

 

[TrickyDickie]

Picard: "Well, let's see....we've loaded it correctly, the pods have not been consumed this time, and you're holding it down so that it doesn't shake itself to pieces. I would say that if it doesn't work this time, this new washing machine is fucked."

 

[Leviathan]

Picard: Captain's personal Log...Riker sunk my battleship. I will see to it that his career never recovers.

 

[TrickyDickie]

Riker: "Do you realize that if Nog had a flat head we could play this game on his noggin?"

Picard: "You really need to stay out of those damned magic mushrooms...."

 

[DrBob]

Picard: "Well, let's see....we've loaded it correctly, the pods have not been consumed this time, and you're holding it down so that it doesn't shake itself to pieces. I would say that if it doesn't work this time, this new washing machine is fucked."

Riker: Did the computer open the pod bay doors?

 

[DrBob]

Picard: The three finger salute is not working.
Riker: Initiate full on Plokta mode, now!

Geordi: Ok, it’s settled now! You stay on your side of the room and I’ll stay on mine.

Data: Removing all traces of RGB lighting from the computer systems may take -years.

 

[Finn]

Just got back to Texas... I think one of my entries won recently...thanks

Riker: I concur. Intitate self destruction Riker-Juneau-five-Beta-Kodiak-Palin-Alpha-Seven

Riker: How come you aren't doing this in adjacent room dedicated to this kind of thing?
Data: The dolphins are using it.

Geordi: How come we aren't doing this in an adjacent room more suited for this kind of thing?
Data: Because the dolphins are using it.

 

[Jedman67]

Acting Science Officer Lor, Personal Log:
I will no longer be humiliated by my darling brother and his darling Captain Baldy. My plan for the destruction of the Enterprise is surprisingly simple. Using a large mirror in front of the warp core, I will suggest to Geordi that he test fire Starfleets new Mark XXI Phaser. The rebound will destroy the Enterprise and everyone on it!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Geordi: "Screw the licks! I'm getting to the center of that Tootsie Roll pop one way or another!"

Data: "I found this in the Exocomp's aft exhaust port. For some reason it vibrates."

(give the joke it a second...)

Picard: "Number one, when you randomly laid you hands down on all the main control station in Engineering, you de-compressed all decks but this one, de-activated artificial gravity everywhere but in Engineering, shut off and sucks out the air, fired all phasers and photon torpedoes at the peaceful race parked in front of the Enterprise, initiated self destruct, and blew Wesley out an air lock."

Riker: "Well, at least I got Wesley."

Picard: "Indeed."

 

[Finn]

PIcard:....A5
Riker: Miss

Chief Engineer's Log; Ever since Commander Riker told me he heard complaints about the staff meetings down in Engineering being a sausage fest, I'm having hard time going to these meetings with my visor...

Worf: Why don't you use the black light Alexander has in his room for the Klingon constellations on his ceiling...Sir?
Data: *mutters* I look smarter when it looks like something I have to assemble by hand...*mutters*

 

[IMC Headquarters]

DATA: A Supersoaker filled with Tang. Now we're ready for the Borg and the common cold.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

LaFORGE: Crewman! Never mind about Karen Gillan.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

PICARD: Number One? How can I prepare a sushi dinner here for us if I don't have any fish?
RIKER: Permission to access your ready room, sir?
PICARD: Make it so.

LaFORGE: Crewman? What's wrong with you?
CREWMAN: THERE ARE THREE LIGHTS!

 

[Finn]

First Officer's Log. I had one of those days when I would observe how much shorter Data is, until someone reminds me he was sitting down at the time....

 

[IMC Headquarters]

"Data! This is a thirty gigawatt laser! Put on some eye protection!"